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Homura
Some people are telling me I should not allowed to get her under surgery. How most animals do not heal like humans. I feel even worse now. I wanted to take her growths out, it was getting worse with her howling and the vet told me her uterus was really inflamed and bad. I feel horrible...
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Iwalt22
It sounds like you have had some difficult times in the past. You survived them and even found joy in having Paolina come into your life. I know what is like to be reluctant to trust other people. I know the unconditional love of our pets who bond with us and make us feel so special. It is often easier to bond with our little friends. We can trust them completely and totally let our guard down around them.

You must continue to survive, keep moving forward and who knows what the future will bring.

No one knows whether Paolina's surgery was good or bad for her. She had growths and pain and you did what you thought was right to get her help. It was likely just a coincidence that she passed so soon after. You cannot blame yourself for doing what a vet recommended.

These first few days are the hardest. It will hurt a little less everyday. We are here for you. Take care of yourself. Peace will come.
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Homura
I still feel terrible. Empty. Still blaming myself. Nobody else accepts me. I had more bad things happening to me. I want to find her soul somewhere.
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Iwalt22
It just takes time.  I know this is very difficult. Tell us a story about one of the good times you had with Paolina.  

Remembering the good times is a good way to make the pain hurt less.  Don't view Paolina's life by just the end but by the whole of her life.  

Hang in there.  Big hugs.  
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Homura
Iwalt22 wrote:
It just takes time.  I know this is very difficult. Tell us a story about one of the good times you had with Paolina.  

Remembering the good times is a good way to make the pain hurt less.  Don't view Paolina's life by just the end but by the whole of her life.  

Hang in there.  Big hugs.  


Um... I found her with a friend and rescued her from some kids who wanted to abuse her. She was the only person who accepted me. When my only family passed away, she was there for me. Now, I could not save her like my family. People say it was 'just a cat' but they do not understand.

I am searching for kittens around if she is reincarnated yet. And thanks, hugs.
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Iwalt22
How wonderful that you rescued Paolina from abuse. I have heard that animals live in the moment. They do not hold on to past pain. Whatever abuse she suffered was forgotten when she found you and the love you gave her.

I'm sorry you lost your family but I'm glad Paolina was there to ease your burden.

I know it is soon but there is likely another cat out there who needs someone like you to take care of it and give it a better, loving life. Paolina could never be replaced and you will never find another cat quite like her but in her name and as her legacy another scared lonely cat could have a home with you.

I've looked at other dogs since losing my Apollo. My work situation doesn't let me get another pet at this time but when it does I plan on doing so. The shelters are full of animals who want a loving home. When the time is right I hope you find another lucky cat to give your love to.

Keep hanging in there, it will get easier.
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Homura
Iwalt22 wrote:
How wonderful that you rescued Paolina from abuse. I have heard that animals live in the moment. They do not hold on to past pain. Whatever abuse she suffered was forgotten when she found you and the love you gave her.

I'm sorry you lost your family but I'm glad Paolina was there to ease your burden.

I know it is soon but there is likely another cat out there who needs someone like you to take care of it and give it a better, loving life. Paolina could never be replaced and you will never find another cat quite like her but in her name and as her legacy another scared lonely cat could have a home with you.

I've looked at other dogs since losing my Apollo. My work situation doesn't let me get another pet at this time but when it does I plan on doing so. The shelters are full of animals who want a loving home. When the time is right I hope you find another lucky cat to give your love to.

Keep hanging in there, it will get easier.


Once again, thank you for the reply. I did and like I said, she was the only one who fully accepted me. Everyone judges me. I have to change to be accepted. Paolina did not. I have to change my looks, the way I speak, the one I act towards people, etc.
I have plenty of food that I bought for Paolina, so I fed some strays in the apartment complex. I am not getting another animal, unless it was Paolina who was reincarnated.

I just do not understand why my life has to be so bad. I tried hard for Paolina and third time that I fail a person. I am sorry about Apollo, it must have been wonderful that he had you as a parent.

This was Paolina, I attached some pictures.
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Sylvee
Homura, I understand your pain. When my beloved Bootsie died, I didn't eat for 6 days and also got severly dehydrated and almost passed out more than once. I could have easily seriously hurt myself. Please, please drink water at least and nibble on something solid. Getting dehydrated is dangerous, your organs can begin to shut down.

There is no way your beloved Paolina would want you to get so sick. When Bootsie died 19 mornings ago, I completely shut down. I still suffer greatly, my existence hasn't any meaning to me anymore, she truly was all I had. I love her so much and it hurts so very bad that she is gone. I have nobody, Bootsie was the only love in my life and she's gone. There isn't anything worse than that. Even now I cannot function normally, everything I do is just empty and meaningless. So I know your pain, and you are not alone.

You don't know it yet, but your heart will begin to mend in time and your heart is big enough to love again. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve but know that your heart will love again one day. Hold onto that. It's the only thing that keeps me going. You will be able to move forward with time and you will always carry Paolina in your heart and mind but with less pain than right now.

Please take care of yourself. 

All my love.
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Homura
Sylvee wrote:
Homura, I understand your pain. When my beloved Bootsie died, I didn't eat for 6 days and also got severly dehydrated and almost passed out more than once. I could have easily seriously hurt myself. Please, please drink water at least and nibble on something solid. Getting dehydrated is dangerous, your organs can begin to shut down.

There is no way your beloved Paolina would want you to get so sick. When Bootsie died 19 mornings ago, I completely shut down. I still suffer greatly, my existence hasn't any meaning to me anymore, she truly was all I had. I love her so much and it hurts so very bad that she is gone. I have nobody, Bootsie was the only love in my life and she's gone. There isn't anything worse than that. Even now I cannot function normally, everything I do is just empty and meaningless. So I know your pain, and you are not alone.

You don't know it yet, but your heart will begin to mend in time and your heart is big enough to love again. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve but know that your heart will love again one day. Hold onto that. It's the only thing that keeps me going. You will be able to move forward with time and you will always carry Paolina in your heart and mind but with less pain than right now.

Please take care of yourself. 

All my love.



Thank you. I am eating since I have to work and repay my debt but I feel empty. I am not gonna get attached to anyone again. Nothing stays forever and I have been always alone. I want to find Paolina again. I have not had any sign from her yet. I am not sure how can I find her again.
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Sylvee
It feels like going through life like a ghost, doesn't it. Like it's a bad dream you can't wake up from. I am in the same place as you, life feels empty. The only way I can put one foot in front of the other is to convince myself that there will be love in my life again. Like you, I am not ready to even try to love again as I can't even begin to face the devastating pain again in the future of losing that love all over again. We both feel that right now, but please try to open your heart to the idea that you can and will love again one day. That makes the day just a tiny bit easier to face. I understand being alone. I have no family, and my friends have all moved away. Bootsie was my everything. Your Paolina was your everything. Being alone is a curse and your beloved Paolina gave you the gift of friendship and love. Paolina had to go away, Bootsie had to go away. We have no choice now but to try and let our hearts heal. Just a little is a start. Let your grief pour out of you, don't try to hold anything inside. Most importantly, don't close your heart to the possibility of loving again. Please Homura, don't close yourself off from the world and possible love. Yes we are alone now and it's torture. Truly painful. All I want is my Bootsie back but she's not coming back. There is nothing I can do to change that. Paolina had to leave and there is nothing you can do to change that. They now live in our hearts forever. Paolina taught you that your heart is open to love, don't take that away from her. Please take care of yourself. All my love.
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