Homura, I understand your pain. When my beloved Bootsie died, I didn't eat for 6 days and also got severly dehydrated and almost passed out more than once. I could have easily seriously hurt myself. Please, please drink water at least and nibble on something solid. Getting dehydrated is dangerous, your organs can begin to shut down.
There is no way your beloved Paolina would want you to get so sick. When Bootsie died 19 mornings ago, I completely shut down. I still suffer greatly, my existence hasn't any meaning to me anymore, she truly was all I had. I love her so much and it hurts so very bad that she is gone. I have nobody, Bootsie was the only love in my life and she's gone. There isn't anything worse than that. Even now I cannot function normally, everything I do is just empty and meaningless. So I know your pain, and you are not alone.
You don't know it yet, but your heart will begin to mend in time and your heart is big enough to love again. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve but know that your heart will love again one day. Hold onto that. It's the only thing that keeps me going. You will be able to move forward with time and you will always carry Paolina in your heart and mind but with less pain than right now.
Please take care of yourself.
All my love.
Thank you. I am eating since I have to work and repay my debt but I feel empty. I am not gonna get attached to anyone again. Nothing stays forever and I have been always alone. I want to find Paolina again. I have not had any sign from her yet. I am not sure how can I find her again.