Hi Homura. I'm very sorry for your loss of Paolina and I understand the feeling of losing the one closest to you on the planet. It's terribly hard, the emotional pain is excruciating.
It sounds like emotions affect your tummy. I ate smoothies for a few days after my loss--those seemed to help the nausea, but it sounds like you're having trouble even with water. If you continue to struggle, you might see a doctor for medicine to help calm your stomach. I am so sorry something unexpected and awful happened to her after the surgery and that she suddenly declined and passed. My girl was expected to live much longer than she did and some kind of neurological symptoms intervened and I lost her. It is not your fault for trying the surgery. We did the best we could to save our dearest friends. Gosh, they leave the hugest holes in our hearts, though. I'm glad you found your way to the forum and I hope knowing that others understand will help some. You're not alone here. Much comfort to you!
-Missing Marissa deeply