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I lost my sweet bichon frise, Cotton to Lymphoma last week, March 3, 2010. He was 12 years and 10 months old. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma at the end of December 2008. He was such a little trooper. He was such a strong little guy that I thought he'd live forever. He was my very first and only pet. I got him for my 13th birthday and he was and is the love of my life. The doctors told me in February that he was no longer responding to his chemo treatments, that his bone marrow was not making red blood cells anymore and that his time was coming. They said I could make him comfortable at home, so I chose to take him home and spend as much time with him as possible. Even though his body was tired, his will was strong and he would still want to jump down from things and walk to get his own water. When I came back from the gym on Wednesday I noticed his breathing was labored so I prepared to take him in to put him to sleep. When the time came to get ready to go, he began to breath really heavy and started struggling in my arms and passed on his own. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. He was my everything and now I feel empty all the time. I don't know what to do and I always expect to see him around the corner or wagging his tail or looking up at me with those big brown eyes. I am completely and utterly devastated.


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Posts: 61
Reply with quote  #2 
I'm so sorry to hear about little Cotton.   He was a brave guy but a lot of the credit for his long life after diagnosis belongs to you.  Our love is the best medicine ever and you must have given Cotton a lot of yours.  Love and pain are twins.  The height of your love for Cotton equals the depth of the grief you feel for him now.  It's especially hard for you because he was your first pet and you've lived a big part of your life with him.  His passing means the end of one part of your life and the beginning of other.  So you have a lot to adjust to.

Although everyone's grief is different, I found that it helped me to read other messages posted in the Cancer forum and in the regular grief forum.  For the first couple of weeks I cried with every one of them but they helped me know my grief and to deal with it.

It's going to be hard for you for a while but slowly, day by day, as you follow the steps on grief's path, you'll feel better.  Cotton is gone from this life but will be with you in spirit watching from the bridge and waiting to see you again.

Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #3 
I'm so sorry for your loss.  We miss them so much it seems we will never smile again but think of all the good times you had with Cotton and the memories will sustain you through your grief.  It sounds like he was a great dog and you were lucky to have each other.
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