BonnieNora
Hi everyone,

I'm new here. I stumbled across this site and it couldn't have come at a better time. Last Thursday I had to put my girl, Mischief, to sleep. She had stomach cancer and surgery wasn't an option because it was wrapped around her stomach. She was about 12 years old. I've had her since she was a kitten.

She had started throwing up reguaely, multiple times a day a couple weeks prior. So I took her to the vet. She was her normal self otherwise. Eating, even though she was throwing it up, but still chowing down like normal. Playing. Cuddling when she wanted. She had taken to coming in the bed more over the last couple months, but that was really the only difference. So we took her to the vet and they put her on antibiotics. She was difficult taking them, and was still throwing up pretty consistently, even while taking the meds. So I knew I had to take her back to the vet. And that day when I came home, there was throw up with blood clots. So I freaked out and called the vet to bring her the next morning. And she still was acting her normal self. Even after that.

I didn't think when I left her to get blood work, that the need result would be that there was nothing I could do. I knew it wasn't going to be good, but I didn't think I'd have no choice.

It's been a little over a week now. I just got her ashes. In a beautiful wooden box with an engraved nameplate. I have been holding it all night. And crying.

She was my first pet, as an adult on my own, that was mine, that I was responsible for. She was my world. She was with me through so much and its so hard for my brain to understand that she is no longer here. I've been through other deaths, my mom, my grandmothers...and yet this feels harder. And I read the rainbow bridge poem, and I get to the part about when we meet again, and I think, that's soooooooo far away. And in my deep sadness, I wish it was sooner so I could be with her again. And the others I've lost, but her the most. Like how can I keep going through life when one thing after another is taken, and you have to face life without them?

Mischief was a special cat. Human like. She didn't really like anyone. But if she loved you, she LOVED you. She was too smart for her own good. Thought everything was hers. When she wanted affection she let you know. When she didn't she also let you know. She was gorgeous. She had a different meow for everything she wanted. She even had this tiny, baby meow she only reserved for when she was receiving an extreme amount of love and she was loving it. She loved laying belly up in the sun. Most people thought she was a you know what, bc she didn't care for most, haha, but I never cared. I found everything about her absolutely endearing. I loved her with all of my being. And this sucks so bad. Life without her.
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Twilight
BonnieNora - I'm so glad you found the Rainbow Bridge web site. I don't know what I would have done over the past six days, if I hadn't had the caring and the support of so many wonderful people here. It has helped me so much to cope with the painful sadness of having to say goodbye to Winnie, my dear sweet cat.  Everyone here is going through, or has gone through, the same thing . . . the heartbreak of losing a beloved pet.  

Your case is extra sad, because you no longer have your mother or your grandmothers to help you handle this pain.  I hope you have someone in your life who understands, and who will listen to you and help you in the days and weeks ahead.  

I know it seems impossible to you now, but some time in the future, you will be a able to think about, and talk about Mischief, without crying.  You will remember so many wonderful things about her, and you will even smile, and then slowly, you will start to heal.  Of course you will never forget.  She will always have a special place in your heart.     

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BonnieNora
Hi Twilight,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry to hear about your Winnie :( it is truly heartbreaking going through this. I send you so much love. They do truly leave a huge imprint on our hearts.

The thing that is hardest for me is that Mischief was my comfort through many dark times when I had all those deaths. And they were all within 3 months of each other, when I was 25. I'm 32 now. There were times where I was so down and didn't even care about taking care of myself, bit I had to keep going for Mischief. She needed me. So now without her here, it seems harder to go through this dark time, ironically its bc she is no longer here.

I do have another cat that we rescued a few years ago, my boyfriend and I. And I adopted another cat bc they all deserve the love and life that mischief had. She looks like mischief. A tortoiseshell tabby. I like their personalities. Sometimes its hard to look at her and other times its somewhat comforting. I hope I cam grow to love her as much as I did mischief.

I feel lost without her connection. I feel incomplete. She loved me so unconditionally and I don't think anyone in my life has loved me as much as she did. And to have that missing is really a terrible feeling.

How have you been coping with the lose of Winnie?? Thank you so much for talking with me.
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LisaAndy
Bonnie, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved kitty. I hate that she got so sick and there was nothing you could do or the vet could do to help her. This cancer is awful! So many pets get it and it really is nothing they can do for them. It is just awful that this happens, especially to the pets we are the closest with.

I lost my dog about 2 months ago now,  and I also have another dog here, but he is sweet but it's not the same relationship or personality. It's just different and funny you should say the other cat looks alike- I lost my white poodle but I have my black poodle..last night I shut my eyes and pretended that when I was petting him it was the other one. They don't really feel the same though! I really didn't trick my mind into believing it. Today I am petting a picture in a photo frame. I've really lost it now!

But yes, Twilight is right, it does help to come here and type out your feelings. There is not much we can say except we understand how hard this is. She sounds like a great cat! And they do help you get through things.

Good luck and hugs to you.

Lisa
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BonnieNora
Hi Lisa,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry that you lost your baby. I can totally understand about your other dog and not having that same connection. I relate with the cat I rescued a few years ago. I don't have the bond with her, cadence, that I did with mischief.

I had no idea stomach cancer was so common. My boyfriend had 3 cats throughout his life that died from stomach cancer too. I fed her friskies all her life pretty much. I started reading things after she died and apparently that's not good food for cats. I wish I had known all these years :(

I've lost family pets in the past, and was sad, but this is by far different. Much harder.

I thank you again for reaching out to me and I send you love during this difficult time as well.
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