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MelissaB

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Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision of my life when I made the decision to end the suffering of my best friend, my cat of 15 years, Bubbie.  I can't even begin to say how much I am hurting right now.  I can't stop crying.  He has been diabetic for almost 5 years and his kidneys have been failing for the last 2.  I have spent the last 5 years of my life doing whatever it took to keep him healthy and alive and now he is gone. I would gladly do it all over again for just one more moment to tell him how much joy and love he brought into my life.  I feel so lost.  He had gotten so weak the last couple of weeks and looked so frail.  At around 5:00 am on Tuesday I heard a noise coming from the front bathroom (he had started sleeping in the bathtub).  When my husband and I went to him, he was lying on his side in the tub crying.  We tried to get him to stand up but he had lost all use of his back legs.  I grabbed him up in a blanket and rushed him to the emergency vet right up the road from our house.  He was in so much pain.  The vet thought he had developed a blood clot in his legs which caused the paralysis and the pain.  When you have a CRF cat, you know it's terminal, but you try and tell yourself that there is always something that can be done to make him better.  This time I knew there was nothing that I could do, I had to let him go.  I wish I would have known that Monday was going to be the last day that I had with him, I would have made sure that I spent every possible minute with him.  I feel so guilty that I took for granted that he would be there another day.  If I only could get that chance back I would make sure that I gave him all of the love I possibly could give him. I miss him so badly.  It's like there is a hole in my heart that I keep falling into.  He was my best friend.  I will love and miss him for the rest of my life. 

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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #2 
Dear Melissa,

What a gorgeous kitty!  I'm so sorry to hear that he has made his journey to the Rainbow Bridge.  It hurts like nothing else in the world.  We all understand that, and we will do what we can to help you in these early days and weeks of adjustment. 

You took such wonderful care of Bubbie.  He was a very lucky guy to have found his way to your home and your hearts.  There is an added sense of loss when we say goodbye to a special needs best friend.  We have seen so many miracles, we come to believe that there will always be another one.  I felt that way for a while, but I came to realize that the biggest miracle of all was loving my T.J.  (or Bingo, who was our Cardiac Cat for five years).  There are so many things to remind us, every day, that they aren't with us any more.  All the times when we faithfully and lovingly administered their medications and treatments.  Then there are the random times when any of us miss our Bridge Kids:  quiet lap time, bed time, meal time, or any time when we could just count on them being near. 

Please come back and tell us more about Bubbie's life with you and all the things that made you fall in love with him.  It will help you to write about your memories, and we all love getting to know each others special angels.

Bubbie lives in spirit and in your heart forever and always, never more than a whisper away from you.  Talk to him when you're missing him.  He will hear your soft voice.

You, your husband, and your sweet Angel Bubbie are in my thoughts and prayers.



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My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

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BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
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KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
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In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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nicokudo

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Reply with quote  #3 
Melissa,

I am so sorry to hear that your precious Bubbie is no longer with you in his physical form.  We all understand the sadness, loneliness and desperation that you are feeling now.  My Nico had CRF for 4 years and I totally understand what your last 2 years have been like.  Taking care of an ill baby strengthens an already strong bond and when the loss happens....well, you understand what I mean.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband and your precious Bubbie.

Karen





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Mia870

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Reply with quote  #4 

I am so sorry for your incredible loss. It is the worst pain I have ever endured in my life when I lost Mia so you are in good company here. We all understand what you are going through, it totally sucks. Please come and share your life story with Bubbie, he looks like he was a gorgeous kitty xxx


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ClaireBear

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Reply with quote  #5 
Dear Melissa,

I am so sorry for your loss, Bubbie was gorgeous!  There is no pain like it, I lost my baby over 12 months ago and it still hurts me now, but hey, Bubbie is up there pain free, being looked after, playing around and no doubt causing all sorts of chaos with all the other little fur babies!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad time x

http://rainbowsbridge.com/Guest_Book_View.aspx?DN=GROMI002
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LoveCats

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Reply with quote  #6 

Melissa, My heart is with you as I just discovered this site for all of the same sad reasons that I suppose many of you did. Saturday morning, I held my beloved 17 year old Pickles in my arms for the last time as she passed from complications of CRF and buried her in a field of daisies so I know exactly what you are feeling. It hurts to breathe, hurts to move and hurts even more to feel. My thoughts are with you right now...

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puppylove04

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Reply with quote  #7 
I know exactly how u feel & it's been 1 week & 2 days since I lost the love of my life, Anna, my special needs dog w/ epilepsy & I had to be the one to make the decision to end her life.  I loved her too much to see her in pain & knew it was a just matter of time.  Her care was my number one concern since she started having seizures 5 yrs only this month.  You lose part of yourself when they die; nothing seems or feels normal.  You are a very special person to devote your life to care for an animal; not many of us are out there.  Bubbie was lucky to have you & you were lucky to have him.

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MelissaB

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Reply with quote  #8 

Thank you everyone for all of the kind words.  It's been really hard because most people don't understand the pain that I am feeling right now.  I needed to tell someone how I was feeling.  It's like my whole world is turned upside down.  Not quite sure what I should be doing now.  Many of you asked for Bubbie's story.  Well, our life began together 15 years agon in May of 1995.  His mom showed up on our doorstep so we started feeding her.  A few days later we realized she was going to have kittens so we let her start staying in the house.  We already had a 1 year old Calico named Fritzi, but she didn't mind the company.  She gave birth under my bed, funny how they find the most inconveniet place!  There were 5 sweet little kittens, 2 white with grey markings and 3 grey tabbies just like their mom.  When they were old enough we found homes for all but one.  A lady asked us to hold him for a little while.  Well she decided that she couldn't take him, so we decided to keep him.  He was named J.J. officially.  That was in June 1995.  My husband passed away in Aug of the same year so it was just me and my 2 furbabies.  We went through many of trials and tribulations together over the next few years, but neither of my babies were ever sick.  In the spring of 2002, I met my current husband and decided a few months later to move to Michigan from Texas to be with him.  It took a little adjustment, (Fritzi started have seizures right after the move) but Steve loved them as much as I did.  We were married in Sept of 2004 and on our first anniversary, we learned that Bubbie was diabetic.  It was such a shock and I was so scared at first, but we had a great vet who taught me how to give the insulin injections and so began the daily routine that we would continue up until this week.  He was quickly to regulate but that only lasted a year and then it was a emotional roller coaster ride as we tried to get him regulated.  There were times we visited the vet 2 times a week.  He finally started doing much better.  In May of 2007 we moved back to Texas and started Bubbie on a new insulin and he regulated almost immediately.  Then in the early summer of 2008, we found out that his kidneys were failing.  I felt like someone had knocked the breath right out of me.  If wasn't bad enough for him to have to deal with the diabetes, now he would have to endure being a CRF cat.  We learned how to give sub q fluids.  Even though I gave him 2 shots daily, I couldn't stick him with that large needle so my husband had to take on the responsibility.  There were many ups and downs over the last 2 years but I wouldn't trade one moment.  Bubbie brought more joy to my life than I could ever express.  He was such a funny little guy.  I called him my litte old man.  He only had one tooth left, he was constipated most of the time and he like to talk back.  But he was such a sweet little guy.  He loved to sleep under the covers on the bed.  There were so many times I couldn't find him and there would be this little lump on the bed and there he would be.  He loved to drink water out of the sink and when he ate or drank out of a bowl, he drank from the opposite side.  Never could figure out why he did that, just one of those cute little things he did.  When you asked for kisses, he would bonk you with his head.  Oh how I loved those!!!  He wouldn't lay in your lap unless you had a blankie and all you had to do was rub the blankie and say "Bubbie blankie" and he would come running.  He was always at my feet, no matter where I was.  He was my constant companion.  My other cat Fritzi, who is 16, pretty much became my husband Steve's cat after we were married.  She hasn't needed me as much over the last few years.  But Bubbie did.  He became my world.  Everything I did centered around keeping him healthy.  He was truly my best friend.  I can't type this without crying.  I miss him so badly.  I feel like my heart is broken in a million pieces.  I wish I would have gotten a lock of his hair and recorded his voice.  It hurts so bad to know that I will never feel the touch of his fur or hear him say Momma again.  I am sorry that this is so long, but I needed to tell his story.  He was such a fighter and endured so much.  I love you Bubbie with everything that is in me.

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MelissaB

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Reply with quote  #9 

Oh, and he loved to be pulled around in the laundry basket!  And we had to put all plastic and paper out of his reach.  He would eat it if we didn't.  It was like having a toddler.  I found him once in a bottom cabinet chewing on a plastic bag.  The look on his face was priceless.  He was so busted!  Even though he was declawed when he was young, he still liked to scratch the furniture. 

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BubbiesDaddy

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Reply with quote  #10 
Thank you to everyone for your kind words and understanding.  It's comforting to know we're not the only ones to suffer such a loss. 
 
Bubbie made everyday an adventure from waking us up at 4am because he didn't have enough room in the bed, splashing water on the mirror after drinking out of the faucet, watching the water collect in the sink as if he hadn't seen it a 1,000 times before and even the numerous visits to the vet when he was sick.  He was the most talkative cat I've ever been around (kind of like his momma), but that's what made him Bubbie.  I'll always remember how he accepted me when we first met, how he would bonk me on the head, really hard!  he'd get in my lap because its wider than yours, block the compter screen as I tried to watch my fantasy football scores add up to nothing.  He never wanted you to be out of his sight: morning showers, face washing time at the end of the night, exercising, cleaning, anywhere you went you had to be in eyesight.  I think he lived for Saturday's and Sunday's because he knew you'd be home taking care of his every need because you wanted to not because you had to.  Melissa, you are the reason we shared the past 5 years together.  You are the reason he fought as hard and as long as he was able to.  He was an awesome companion, I am so sorry for your loss and mine.  You, Bubbie and Fritzi have enriched my life more than I could ever put into words.  I love you with all my heart.   
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Mia870

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Reply with quote  #11 

thank you so much for sharing your stories, both of you. It is very touching and I am sitting here getting all choked up..... He sounds like such a fantastic kitty and we are all better people for having loved our fur babies so fiercely. We all here share your grief and pain and know that you will be understood completely here. I lost my precious Mia 6 weeks ago and I thought I would die from the pain of her loss. Well, I am still here and slowly ever so slowly I am thinking of all the good times we had. I am a better person for having had her in my life for 11 wonderful years. Please come back and share your pain, it really does help to know that there are others out there who can relate to what you are going through. May you both comfort eachother xxxx  


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jasminesmom

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Reply with quote  #12 
MelissaB, BubbiesDaddy,

Words of sympathy are hard to express when we live thru the loss of a special, much loved furbaby. They leave paw prints on our heart forever and memories of their love we will carry in our hearts until we meet them at The Rainbow Bridge. Soon you will find comfort in knowing Bubbie is now free from pain and suffering.

I too am a better person since Jasmine came into my life in 1995. I too have become more compassionate since spending weeks giving SQ treatments.

I too know how hard it was for you to help your baby to The Bridge.

You, your husband and Angle Bubbie are in my prayers and thoughts.

Hugs,

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Jasmine was loved
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Jasmine is now gone
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NancyHunter

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Reply with quote  #13 
I just got back from the Emergency Vets where I had my sweet cat Peanut put to sleep.  I am crying as I write this.  I got him and his 3 brothers almost 15 years ago when a stray cat in our neighborhood gave birth to them.  I lived with my mother and, at first, she didn't want to take all 3 because we already had 2 cats but once we got them we couldn't let them go.  We named them Sebastian, Peanut and Starbuck.  Sebastian had a heart murmur and died about 2 years ago. So it's just me and Starbuck now (my mom died several years ago).
I've had cats for 30 years now and it never gets easier to let them go. I hope to see my other babies again some day.

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Tricia

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Reply with quote  #14 
Dear Melissa&Bubbie's Daddy

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Bubbie.  He's beautiful! As heartbreaking it is to let your baby go, you gave him the gift of love by releasing him from any more suffering or pain. you gave him the gift of love and he knows this and loves you so very much. Our babies take such a big piece of hearts with them that can never ever be replaced. Bubbie's spirit will always live in your heart.I know in time that your Bubbie will send to you some very special signs, signs of his love to you. He is now safe and sound at the Bridge with all our precious babies, running and playing freely again. My Burton may even take him for a ride in a laundry basket!!!

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

hugs,

Tricia, Burton & Ozzie's Mom

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Tricia, Burton&Ozzie's Mom

"Good night sweet prince:And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!"
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tom

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Reply with quote  #15 

I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. JUST YESTERDAY I TO HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR MY LITTLE GIRL SADIE,A 13 YR. OLD MALTESE.RESCUED HER FROM A PUPPY MILL 5 YRS. AGO AND SHE WAS ON MEDS MOST OF THE TIME.FOR A DOG THAT CAME FROM A PLACE LIKE THAT SHE QUICKLY GOT USED TO THE GOODLIFE.FROM SLEEPING IN A CRATE TO SLEEPING IN OUR BED.HER BODY JUST STARTED TO REJECT HER MEDS AND THE VET SAID THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO DO.I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING.SHE HAD A BOND WITH ME SINCE DAY ONE AND I MISS HER DEARLY,I HOPE IN TIME IT GETS EASIER TO FUNCTION.I STILL FIND MYSELF GOING FOR HER MEDS AT NITE.I KNOW I DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE AND YET IT STILL WAS NT GOOD EN OUGHT.BUT I KNOW YOUR FUR BABY AND MINE ARE AT PEACE

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