Yesterday I had to make the hardest decision of my life when I made the decision to end the suffering of my best friend, my cat of 15 years, Bubbie. I can't even begin to say how much I am hurting right now. I can't stop crying. He has been diabetic for almost 5 years and his kidneys have been failing for the last 2. I have spent the last 5 years of my life doing whatever it took to keep him healthy and alive and now he is gone. I would gladly do it all over again for just one more moment to tell him how much joy and love he brought into my life. I feel so lost. He had gotten so weak the last couple of weeks and looked so frail. At around 5:00 am on Tuesday I heard a noise coming from the front bathroom (he had started sleeping in the bathtub). When my husband and I went to him, he was lying on his side in the tub crying. We tried to get him to stand up but he had lost all use of his back legs. I grabbed him up in a blanket and rushed him to the emergency vet right up the road from our house. He was in so much pain. The vet thought he had developed a blood clot in his legs which caused the paralysis and the pain. When you have a CRF cat, you know it's terminal, but you try and tell yourself that there is always something that can be done to make him better. This time I knew there was nothing that I could do, I had to let him go. I wish I would have known that Monday was going to be the last day that I had with him, I would have made sure that I spent every possible minute with him. I feel so guilty that I took for granted that he would be there another day. If I only could get that chance back I would make sure that I gave him all of the love I possibly could give him. I miss him so badly. It's like there is a hole in my heart that I keep falling into. He was my best friend. I will love and miss him for the rest of my life.
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