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Tinawall

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Reply with quote  #1 
It has been almost a week since my baby Shadow left. I feel so gutted and raw. I have never in my life felt like I do now. It was so unexpected. Shadow did not eat for a couple of days. He acted like he wanted to, but just didn't. I took him to the vet and they said he had a large mass in his stomach. They said he had a 50/50 chance of survival. I was trying to figure out how financially I could take care of this for him and then he just declined right before my eyes. The technician told me he was in the process of dying. I could not believe this was happening. I told him over and over that I loved him and in the same breath asked him not to leave me. I know if he had a choice he would have stayed. I do not know how to live right now. I went out on disability 2 1/2 years ago and was home everyday. Shadow was my companion and my rock. I am married and right now live with my son. My husband loved Shadow very much, but Shadow was my baby. I am a very emotional person and this is killing me. I have never had the bond I had with Shadow with another animal or person. I could tell him anything and feel anything and he would just sit there listening. Shadow would know when I needed more love from him. He would crawl up on my lap and cuddle with me. I know in my head that one day I will feel a little better, but my heart will forever have a hole from missing my little friend. People just don't get the emotional contact I felt for Shadow. He was my everything and no one else can fill that place in my heart. I know in my head that I will get through this and that one day I might make it through the day without crying from the loss of him. I have lost people in the past, but this seems so much more raw and painful. Thank you for listening to me.
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Tina Wallace
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Chinadoll

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Reply with quote  #2 
Dear Tina, I am so sorry for your loss of Shadow. Your post is heartbreaking and it is so clear how much you love him. This bond can be so strong, so deep, unlike anything else we have experienced in our life. So many people here have spoken about how the pain was far greater than other loses in their life, even more difficult than our close relatives. Shadow is your 'heart' dog, a term I learned after I lost my little China Doll. It is so unique and profound that the loss is overwhelming at times. It is a daily struggle to accept that they are no longer physically here, but their spirit, their love will always be near, forever. I believe we will all be reunited again, something I cling to in my heart. I pray for peace and comfort in the weeks and months ahead. Time will ease the pain, a few smiles will begin to emerge as we go through the year. I want you to know if you need any help or just want to tell us about your love for Shadow, this is the best place to come. We all understand. Bless you.
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Charlie
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ImissyouGrindle

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Reply with quote  #3 
While I have not lost a close human family member, I can confirm that losing my dog is by far the worst thing I've experienced. Not only do we spend everyday with them, we are also responsible for their health and well being. The combination of having your daily routine changed and feeling guilty for anything you did or didn't do for them is truly haunting. My dog was my go-to when I am feeling down or had an argument with my wife. Now I feel so alone and I have nowhere to go. I want you to know what you are feeling is very normal and you are not alone.
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #4 
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Shadow.  I am also disabled and understand what it is like having our fur babies with us all of the time.  We know that someday they may leave us but we are not at all prepared when it happens.  Our Lenny also declined quickly and it was a shock to have him still playing with the grandchildren one week and being so sick the next week.  We just lost him on 2/19 so it is all still very fresh.  I hope that Shadow and Lenny are finding each other at the Rainbow Bridge.
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Patsy
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Wileykitten

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Reply with quote  #5 
Reading this.. I am so sorry. It sounds like when I lost my Sevyn. You feel so helpless and you know you can fix it just as much as you know there is nothing you can do. It's a horrible position to be in.. My heart breaks for you as Sevyn it all happened so fast.
Shadow sounds like an amazing best friend and soulmate.. Look for signs, they never truly leave us.. Unlike the pain of loss.
Please know you are not alone and you have people who understand your struggle.

One moment at a time...
Praying for you
Love,
Stacie
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emjl81

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Reply with quote  #6 
I know exactly how you feel. Your shadow was my kitty. They were our best friends. I am so sorry for your loss. You are in the right place. Hugs!
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Emily 
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Egclassic

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Reply with quote  #7 
I am so sorry to hear this!
I don't have much time left with the best dog I've ever had. She was just diagnosed with kidney disease. I know exactly what you are going through and when that day comes for me, I am going to be just as devastated! I've had other dogs and had to have them put down, and no it wasn't easy, but I feel I have a special bond with this one.
I hope you find a way to deal with your grief, never forget!
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LadyKayte

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Reply with quote  #8 
Hi Tinawall.  My name is Kayte & I just read your post.  I am crying my eyes out.  Tomorrow will be 2 weeks that I lost my boy, Scampy. I can't even believe the words I am typing..it is so unreal to have lost him.  My heart is so broken, I don't know how to live my life either without him.  He was everything to me & everywhere I went.  I also retired 2 1/2 years ago & tho we have 4 other dogs, he was my baby, my heart.  I know exactly how you feel.  I kept begging him not to leave me & I knew he was dying.  On the day he died, I finally told him it was ok to go..I couldn't bare to see him like he was anymore & believe me,  the last thing I wanted was for him to go away & leave me.  I am home all day every day with my babies.  I don't drive & I have no friends.  I am 63 years old & I never go anywhere & leave my pets.  Well, this Sunday I am going to my daughter's for a few days to a week.  WE both live in Jersey but far apart.  I need to get out of my house & have some time alone & some time with her & her bf.  I feel selfish, but I also feel I need to get away from the constant reminder that he isn't here.  I know it won't change that he is gone, I just think I need it.


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kayte lopez
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Tinawall

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Reply with quote  #9 
Hi Tinawall.  My name is Kayte & I just read your post.  I am crying my eyes out.  Tomorrow will be 2 weeks that I lost my boy, Scampy. I can't even believe the words I am typing..it is so unreal to have lost him.  My heart is so broken, I don't know how to live my life either without him.  He was everything to me & everywhere I went.  I also retired 2 1/2 years ago & tho we have 4 other dogs, he was my baby, my heart.  I know exactly how you feel.  I kept begging him not to leave me & I knew he was dying.  On the day he died, I finally told him it was ok to go..I couldn't bare to see him like he was anymore & believe me,  the last thing I wanted was for him to go away & leave me.  I am home all day every day with my babies.  I don't drive & I have no friends.  I am 63 years old & I never go anywhere & leave my pets.  Well, this Sunday I am going to my daughter's for a few days to a week.  WE both live in Jersey but far apart.  I need to get out of my house & have some time alone & some time with her & her bf.  I feel selfish, but I also feel I need to get away from the constant reminder that he isn't here.  I know it won't change that he is gone, I just think I need it.



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Tina Wallace
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Tinawall

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Reply with quote  #10 
I want to thank all of you who sent such thoughtful words to me. I cannot believe it has been 3 weeks today since Shadow left. I am sitting here reading all your post's crying my eyes out. I still cry everyday, but not all day. I guess I am starting to heal. The worst time of the day is first thing in the morning when waking up and realizing all over again that he is no longer with me. Shadow would always wake me each day with kisses all over my face. The second worst part of my day is when it is time to go to bed. I would always tell Shadow it was time for night night and he would get up and head to bed. I always got my kiss good night and I would tell him I loved him. I still tell him it is time for night night hoping that he is still here with me. I open my tablet and look at his picture and give him a kiss and tell him good night. I do believe in the afterlife and have experienced a sign from my sister two months after she passed. One night the electric went out in my bedroom (only). I woke to see just her face up near the ceiling and she told me she was okay and to move on and then it was gone. I have been praying for my Shadow to come to me, but so far I have not had anything happen. In desperation I have looked for animal communicators to help me reach out to him. I do believe there are people who can communicate with people and animals on the other side. I went to a place called Caladaga which is a spiritual town on the east side of Orlando after my sister passed. The medium told me things that she could not possibly know, because my sister was the only one to know this information. They charged me $50 and the lady spent 2 hours with me. It gave me peace of mind. I am looking for that with Shadow. They do not have anyone that communicates with animals. The mediums that communicate with animals charge $200+ for 30 minutes. I do not understand if someone was given a gift to do this, why do they need to make so much money that most people cannot afford. I think they are taking advantage of people who are in so much grief. I am just looking for some relief of this overwhelming pressure sitting on my chest. If anyone knows of a medium that is reasonable please let me know.
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Tina Wallace
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LadyKayte

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Reply with quote  #11 
Hi Tinawall. I agree, mornings & bed time are the worst. I put Scampi's pajamas on one of my stuffed moose so I can hold him at night & it gives a little comfort. I put his hoodie on another to always be in my chair like he was. I miss him so damn badly. I don't know when the pain will ever end. There's no real answers. I'm at my daughter's apartment just to get away from home for a few days. My grandson is a little white poodle & it hurts & helps at the same time. My boy was a little white dog. I share your pain.
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kayte lopez
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