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I'm sorry you are having a difficult time.  It is a very difficult decision to decide to put your love to sleep.  I have had to make that decision three times in the last 7 months.  My Allie cat, I did not stay with her while she was put to sleep.  I felt extreme guilt for a long time - but I couldn't handle watching her pass.  I was alone at the vet, and there was no way that I could do it.  My  Fluffy kitty, I stayed with her, and I had these overwhelming feelings that I couldn't believe I put her to sleep.  I cried so hard every day for weeks because I decided that she needed to not suffer anymore.  I have peace now when I think of Fluffy and Allie.  I miss my 16 year old girls terribly, but I know that I did the right thing for both of them when they needed me to take care of them at the end of their lives.  Fluffy went into kidney failure and Allie had liver cancer.

I Lost my retired 10.5 year old greyhound, Fly, this past Thursday.  He broke his leg 5 years ago, and I had it fixed.  about a month or so ago, I noticed he wasn't putting all his weight on the leg I had repaired.  i have been sitting home recuperating from back surgery, and I have been watching him decline.  I knew, in my heart, I was going to have to say goodbye to my forever friend.  Gosh...I love Fly so much.  I miss him so much. 

On Thursday, all was normal.  I went to my physical therapy appt for 11:00 am.  My 18 year old son called me at 11:45 and told me fly would not lay down, nor was he using his leg anymore.  He was hoping around.  I called my boyfriend to come home, because I needed him and he has an SUV and we needed it to take Fly to the vet.

When I walked in the house - Fly just looked at me.  His old soul look.  I knew it was time to say good bye to my best friend.  My Fly Guy.  My amazing silly hound.  I went and sat on my chair and called him over so he could lay on his bed.  He came over to me and gave me the best Fly hug I have ever received from him.  He knew he was going to leave me.  He knew I was going to take care of him.  He knew that I would not let him suffer.   I got him to lay down...he was shaking and in pain.  I stayed with him until it was time to go to the vet.  I found out that he had cancer in his leg and it made it's way down to the hardware from his surgery and it was infected.  I couldn't save him this time.  It was time to say goodbye.  

Im home on medical leave for 4 more weeks.  Being in my house, every day, without my silly guy hurts so much.  He was 80 lbs and just a big silly clown.  My love for him grows more every day.  

I'm so sorry that Buster is gone.  He's not cold or hungry.  And you did the right thing for him.  Time will heal.  Give yourself time to grieve. Be kind to yourself.  :)

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Today it is with me again like it just happened. I can not shake the grief I am feeling, I miss my baby so much that its to the point it is unbearable. I don't know how to live without him, I now realize he was the reason I wanted to be home, to feed him to hold him, to love him and care for him. Buster also loved me. I talk to him everyday like he is still here, I tell when when I leave for work that daddy will be home soon and when I return I tell him daddys home now, I tell him goodnight every night and say a prayer for him, for god to hold him and tell him I love and miss him terribly. I don't know if I'll ever get over him not being with me.

I feel so weak because of the way I feel, I need help!!! I write my feelings down as I have since it happened, I am on page 32 already. It just isn't helping.

I feel sorry for all of us that are dealing with this and I wonder what lesson we are being taught.

I love you Buster and daddy always will baby, I hope you know that!!!
Buster's daddy
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