Miasmom_704
My baby Mia passed. She was 18. I live alone and had her from when she was four months old. She had developed diabetes in April and had IBD for several years. That was being managed with meds, but prednisone which is a difficult drug. I learned to give her insulin from her vet and bought her steps up to the bed and a low litter box. I did everything I could for her. Everything. I would rush home so i could administer her insulin at the 12th hour interval and never missed any medicine dose. She was my girl. I live alone and am basically alone. Her friend Hannah passed in 2012 and I live in a sort of crappy apartment and still tried to get her another cat. That cat was a bad fit. She missed Hannah terribly and so did I. I wrote about Hannah on this site.

Now I haven’t been able to write since she passed because i have been in such deep grief. It was a horrible night when i had to rush her to vet emergency. It was July 2. She was a yankee doodle kitty and she died two days shy of her 18th birthday. Her leg broke, a pathological break from cancer. Her vet said in February that there was something underlying because her white blood cells were always up and likely it was cancer. I didn’t want to do a scan then. Then in April she almost died when she was not well and shaking and I took her to her vet. Her blood glucose level was so high and that’s when we started the insulin.

So she was maintaining until that night her leg broke. They wrapped it, splinted it, tested her... and I thought I’d wait until the morning to get her to her regular vet. She was howling in pain even though they gave her pain meds and it was .... I can’t relive it. I held her and sang to her and was exhausted. I laid her on the kitchen floor and she seemed to have settled down a bit. Then an hour later I didn’t hear anything. She was gone. My little baby.

Now the vet’s office has her cremains which I have to pick up on Saturday and I’ve been crying and crying tonight. I have to walk on the floor where she died and I hate living here because this is where i had her and my other fur baby Hannah.

Living expenses are high. I have to move but don’t know when. I keep thinking she’s going to come on the bed with me now as I’m typing this.... I am so overcome with grief and pain. Even though I know she was old, you think they will be with you as long as you live.



I have to adjust a file size to post a pic of her. I’m in so much pain.
Mia’s Mom
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Mia's Mom,

I am so so saddened for your loss of your Mia. The fact that she lived to the grand old age of 18 is a testament to how well you took care of her and loved, cherished and adored her. 

Like so many here, I too am beyond heartbroken and completely devastated. I lost my lad, my dear orange & white tabby cat named "Marmalade" 9 weeks ago this coming Thursday. We lived together in a warehouse environment and everywhere I now look I can still see a vision of my little boy. He used to walk down the aisles and bump into me as I walked down the aisles, as if he was out on patrol. He was "making his rounds" as I used to call it. He would greet me with a "Trill" sound. Not sure if your Mia ever did that, but he was the only cat that I ever heard make that sound before and I learned to love it. Marmalade was mostly deaf, so I suppose the Trilling was comforting to him as he could feel the sound in his throat.

I wrote today, how I am going to have to move things around in the warehouse and use some paint and hang and drape fabric etc. to try and change the ambiance, so that I can try and heal more. I have been borderline suicidal since Marmalade departed. He was the joy in my life, he made me smile and laugh. He was the light in my life. My only friend, my only true family. I experience "Grief Triggers" whenever I see his medications, or protective lion themed collars, or his carrier etc. 

I have his ashes on my nightstand. I say good morning to him each day, say goodbye to him when I head to my office down the street, say goodnight to him each night and ask him for my forgiveness that I had him put to sleep.

I hope you continue to travel through time and thereby continue to heal. By the words you used in your post, it is easy to see how much of a compassionate, loving, kind, empathetic, caring and sweet soul that you are. It is obvious Mia knew that too.

Kind regards,
James
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Jan_H
Mia's Mom,

I am very sorry for your loss of sweet, Mia. Clearly you loved her very much and took very good care of her. Administering insulin every 12 hours is a huge commitment and shows how devoted you were to Mia. Years ago I had a diabetic cat so I understand that commitment. Recently I had to say goodbye to my sweet boy, Jagger. Like Mia he lived a good, long life (17 years). But it still wasn't long enough.

I hope in time you can find comfort from the many happy memories I am sure you have with Mia.

Jan
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Miasmom_704
Memories_of_Marmalade wrote:

Dear Mia's Mom,

I am so so saddened for your loss of your Mia. The fact that she lived to the grand old age of 18 is a testament to how well you took care of her and loved, cherished and adored her. 

Like so many here, I too am beyond heartbroken and completely devastated. I lost my lad, my dear orange & white tabby cat named "Marmalade" 9 weeks ago this coming Thursday. We lived together in a warehouse environment and everywhere I now look I can still see a vision of my little boy. He used to walk down the aisles and bump into me as I walked down the aisles, as if he was out on patrol. He was "making his rounds" as I used to call it. He would greet me with a "Trill" sound. Not sure if your Mia ever did that, but he was the only cat that I ever heard make that sound before and I learned to love it. Marmalade was mostly deaf, so I suppose the Trilling was comforting to him as he could feel the sound in his throat.

I wrote today, how I am going to have to move things around in the warehouse and use some paint and hang and drape fabric etc. to try and change the ambiance, so that I can try and heal more. I have been borderline suicidal since Marmalade departed. He was the joy in my life, he made me smile and laugh. He was the light in my life. My only friend, my only true family. I experience "Grief Triggers" whenever I see his medications, or protective lion themed collars, or his carrier etc. 

I have his ashes on my nightstand. I say good morning to him each day, say goodbye to him when I head to my office down the street, say goodnight to him each night and ask him for my forgiveness that I had him put to sleep.

I hope you continue to travel through time and thereby continue to heal. By the words you used in your post, it is easy to see how much of a compassionate, loving, kind, empathetic, caring and sweet soul that you are. It is obvious Mia knew that too.

Kind regards,
James


Dear James,

Oh, I’m so sorry for the loss of your boy Marmalade. Your writing of him walking down the aisles with you on patrol is so descriptive and visual and so cute... I can just see it. Your comforting words are so kind. I understand how you feel of course. I just came home from work and it’s so empty in this apartment. She would always greet me at the door and practically “yell” at me wanting to know where I was. Yes! Mia trilled also. I loved that especially when she jumped up on the bed with a loud trill. I feel Mia was my only friend and one true family also. She loved to nestle on a blanket on me and put her head against me and sleep. She did this more as she was sick and frail and I wouldn’t even move until she was ready to get up. Yes, everywhere you look are grief triggers. I threw away her placemat but I’m keeping her dishes and soft kitty mats and smalll, soft kitty blankets. I became borderline suicidal too when I looked at her lifeless on the floor. You feel like your life force too was just yanked out of you. As she was howling in pain, I sang to her and held her. I sing in a group where we sing for dying hospice people and so I sang her some of those gentle songs.

Keeping Marmalade’s ashes on your nightstand is very sweet and loving He knows that you had to take him out of his pain and misery, they look to us to do that for them. Please don’t beat yourself up about that. From his place in spirit, he knows you did what you had to only because you loved him so much.

I pick up Mia’s ashes on Saturday. When the vet’s office called me to say they have them, I burst into tears again and cried for just about an hour. I feel so broken, and broken at taking her back into here in that form. I’m looking for an urn, a nice container that’s a tribute to her. I’m looking on Etsy.

I hope you too continue to heal and hurt less soon. We will never forget them. They made us love so deeply and that is their gift.

Blessings,

Mia’s mom
Mia’s Mom
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Mia's Mom,

You wrote:

"Yes! Mia trilled also. I loved that especially when she jumped up on the bed with a loud trill."

It was odd when it came to Marmalade. He did not start Trilling until around his 3rd year with me. I met him 4.2 years prior. All of the sudden he just started to Trill up a storm. He would just Trill, and Trill and Trill. I didn't know what it was called at first and then looked it up on Youtube. 

"I feel Mia was my only friend and one true family also. She loved to nestle on a blanket on me and put her head against me and sleep.

Nothing could be cozier than that. : )

She did this more as she was sick and frail and I wouldn’t even move until she was ready to get up.

I recall too when Marmalade was sleeping with me not wanting to wake him and just allowing him so sleep. And I had never done that for anyone before. 

"Yes, everywhere you look are grief triggers. I threw away her placemat but I’m keeping her dishes and soft kitty mats and small, soft kitty blankets. I became borderline suicidal too when I looked at her lifeless on the floor. You feel like your life force too was just yanked out of you. As she was howling in pain, I sang to her and held her. I sing in a group where we sing for dying hospice people and so I sang her some of those gentle songs. "

That is so true, "your life force being yanked out of you." That is how I feel too. 

I don't know if you read my comment on singing to Marmalade, but due to the fact that he was deaf I would sing to him and then began humming to him around Christmas of 2018 (around 6 months before he passed) (mostly Christmas Carols and Broadway Show tunes), when he sat or lay on my lap. He would give me these contented looks. I think he thought it was my way of purring. 

Keeping Marmalade’s ashes on your nightstand is very sweet and loving He knows that you had to take him out of his pain and misery, they look to us to do that for them. Please don’t beat yourself up about that. From his place in spirit, he knows you did what you had to only because you loved him so much. 

Thank you very kindly for your gracious words and compassion. XO

I pick up Mia’s ashes on Saturday. When the vet’s office called me to say they have them, I burst into tears again and cried for just about an hour. I feel so broken, and broken at taking her back into here in that form. I’m looking for an urn, a nice container that’s a tribute to her. I’m looking on Etsy.

It's been odd for me. I am comforted by his ashes. I talk to them. Say Good morning and Goodnight and let him know when I have returned etc. 

I hope you too continue to heal and hurt less soon. We will never forget them. They made us love so deeply and that is their gift. 

True words. Thank you so much again. 

Kind regards,
James
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Miasmom_704
Jan_H wrote:
Mia's Mom,

I am very sorry for your loss of sweet, Mia. Clearly you loved her very much and took very good care of her. Administering insulin every 12 hours is a huge commitment and shows how devoted you were to Mia. Years ago I had a diabetic cat so I understand that commitment. Recently I had to say goodbye to my sweet boy, Jagger. Like Mia he lived a good, long life (17 years). But it still wasn't long enough.

I hope in time you can find comfort from the many happy memories I am sure you have with Mia.

Jan



Thank you Jan for your comforting words. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dear Jagger. 17 and 18 is a long time to live for our beloved ones but yet it seems that it’s still unfair. We want them to live as long as we do. Yes, I did take care of Mia in every way possible as you did with Jagger. Yes, the diabetic commitment is a big one and in a younger cat can extend their life with managed care. But with an older, geriatric cat it’s touch and go. I picked up her ashes today. It’s a strange comfort. I was thinking about funny things she did when she was younger... like you said, happy memories. I’ll keep thinking of those. Keep those same memories of Jagger. I hope you too can find comfort in the memories you have and the love you gave.

Mia’s Mom
Mia’s Mom
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Miasmom_704
I miss Mia so much. My heart is so broken. I picked up her ashes and I haven’t even been able to open the bag or tin with her ashes. I just found photos I took of her as a kitten, rather the negatives from a 35 mm camera. I have to have them re-developed since the original developed photos are gone. I hate coming home. I don’t have her here to meow at me and to meow at me when I come in the door. I gave away the steps I bought her to get up on the bed. I have all her dishes and toys. I hate going to bed wihtout her next to me. I feel somewhat comforted by her ashes on the nightstand but ... I cry when I’m alone.

Mia, my baby, I did everything I could for you. I love you forever. I miss you, miss you, miss you.
Mia’s Mom
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Miasmom_704
I miss Mia so much. My heart is so broken. I picked up her ashes and I haven’t even been able to open the bag or tin with her ashes. I just found photos I took of her as a kitten, rather the negatives from a 35 mm camera. I have to have them re-developed since the original developed photos are gone. I hate coming home. I don’t have her here to meow at me and to meow at me when I come in the door. I gave away the steps I bought her to get up on the bed. I have all her dishes and toys. I hate going to bed wihtout her next to me. I feel somewhat comforted by her ashes on the nightstand but ... I cry when I’m alone.

Mia, my baby, I did everything I could for you. I love you forever. I miss you, miss you, miss you.
Mia’s Mom
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Miasmom_704
Now is the time I hate.  Going home after work.  She's not there.  I still have her litter box leaning against the wall.  I cannot open the bag containing the box containing her ashes.  I have it on my night stand next to my bed.  I just can't open the bag.  I will lose it.
Mia’s Mom
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Jan_H
Mia's Mom,

I am sorry for what you are going through. I am lucky in that I still have Tiger with me. But I do not look forward to the day he is gone. I know I will wake up thinking I need to get up and feed the cat. I will come home and expect a cat to greet me but there will be no one. I will have thoughts of cleaning the litter box or buying cat food and then realize there is no reason to. I will miss petting my boy and listening to him purr. I imagine that you are experiencing what I know is in my future. I know you are basically alone and that can make it even more painful. People her understand. Please feel free to post as much about what you are going through her as you want.

Sending hugs,
Jan
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Miasmom_704
Jan_H wrote:
Mia's Mom,

I am sorry for what you are going through. I am lucky in that I still have Tiger with me. But I do not look forward to the day he is gone. I know I will wake up thinking I need to get up and feed the cat. I will come home and expect a cat to greet me but there will be no one. I will have thoughts of cleaning the litter box or buying cat food and then realize there is no reason to. I will miss petting my boy and listening to him purr. I imagine that you are experiencing what I know is in my future. I know you are basically alone and that can make it even more painful. People her understand. Please feel free to post as much about what you are going through her as you want.

Sending hugs,
Jan


Thank you so much Jan. Yes, treasure every minute with Tiger. I did that even the day after Mia passed. I said, “oh I have to give her her insulin...”. “Oh I have to order food...”

I am having a rough time like everyone else. When i made myself dinner tonight, I made fish. Mia always tried to grab the fish from my plate and I would keep scolding her. I said out loud, “Mia you would love this fish...”. I started to cry. I smell her favorite blanket. I miss her so much. The pain is terrible. We all are experiencing this here on RB.

Ugh... 😭😭😢😢😢
Mia’s Mom
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Miasmom_704
So I was driving home tonight from food shopping and burst into tears.  I miss her so much.  I got Mia with Hannah whose death was in 2012.  I miss my Hannah baby too.  I will put a residency up for her now that Mia is gone.  

I burst into tears because while food shopping I was walking past the fresh roasted chickens that supermarkets sell.  I would buy a chicken and Mia would go crazy when I took it home because it's warm and smelled so good.  I would put the bag on the floor, ready to get the chicken out and she would meow-scream and paw the bag before I could get it open.

So there I was teary eyed while passing the roasted chickens.  Sounds funny ... but it brought back a memory and set me off.  

I still haven't the courage to open the bag and box with her ashes.  It's 8 weeks now.
Mia’s Mom
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Jasmines_Mom
I'm sorry for the loss of your precious Mia.  I lost my baby Jasmine 9 days ago and I know the triggers are everywhere...tears are always just below the surface and anything can start them flowing.  Please know that you are not alone in your journey through grief.
I miss you every minute of every day, my sweet baby Jasmine.
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Miasmom_704
I know we are all suffering through grief.... I can’t get my Mia out of my mind.  When your life changes with them gone, if they were the last ones you had the silence is deafening.  I miss her so much.  A friend was trying to get me to adopt again but I said no.  Maybe i shouldn’t put photos of her on my wallpaper on my device.  Does anyone else feel that?

I thought, we bond so deeply with their personalities...it’s THAT furbaby or feathered baby or reptile‘s personality that we miss. Would I bond with another kitty that way and for that long?  She did so many funny things my Mia.  She was mischievous and loving and she made me laugh and loved to cuddle.

I am in such pain like all of you.  😭
Mia’s Mom
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Miasmom_704
It'll be one year ago on Thursday that I lost my baby Mia. It's funny when I see other people with the same name of their baby.  I keep playing over and over that last horrible night but I don't want to because I know she is happy now and whole.  I still miss her so much and it's STILL so painful.  I sleep with her and her sister's blankets - Hannah who passed in 2012.  I still have to make a memorial for Hannah.  I never could.  One year and it still hurts.  I had my head on their blankets last night. 
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