It was one year ago that I lost my heart.  I lost my Sadie.  I thought it would get easier but it hasn't.  I cannot pick up her bed. I cannot go a day without thinking about her.
In her memory I would like to print the tribute I wrote one year ago
ago. People say get another dog...they just don't get it.

MAMAS GIRL (5/13/96 - 1/02/10)


In my heart I lost the only child I’d ever had. . It just so happens she was born with a furry coat and four legs.
A black Standard Poodle named Sadie . She was adopted at 5 months of age. And in the corner of my mind, I knew that we were connected then,, and would be for all time. The hole in my heart is deep, and the pain intense, I call her and she doesn’t come. She’s nowhere in sight.

It’s been one week and I realize that I can’t remember my life without her. She was our noble Sadie.
I had asked her years ago to let me know when it was her time , for the pain of making that decision would be too much to bear. And like everything else I’d ever asked her to do, she agreed.

There were times she came close over the years, but she decided there was still some unfinished business she had here on earth to do.
So together we went thru health issues (oh so many health issues) but never giving up and bouncing back each time.
She was a strong girl, a trooper and survived many a time , brought on by her curiosity of life around her, and her desire to continue to be at my side.
There was that time when she decided she liked the taste of sand in our backyard, and filled her intestines to the point where she had to be operated on at the Emergency Vet, to empty them, and also found a small plastic toy thrown in there for good measure.
The time she had bloated one Christmas Eve and her life was saved by a vet at the ER clinic, who gave me the best Xmas present of my entire life. SADIE BACK!

I’ve had several dogs in my life.. And will probably have more, but the bond and connection shared with my Sadie will never be duplicated, or even come close.
She showed me that the simplest of things can bring joy, and that sorrow helps, when you have someone who will listen to you, and fur to absorb your tears.

Sadie and I went thru much in our time together.

Looking out windows was her favorite indoor sport.
Her favorite outdoor sport was looking for and staring down frogs by our pond. When she would spot one, she would go into a point, turn her head looking towards me making sure I saw her spot one.
She loved to watch me garden. She was at my side always.

When my dad passed away 3 months ago, she was there to listen to me, and for her soft fur to absorb my tears. I truly believe she decided to stick around awhile for me to help me grieve for him.

Reflections and memories are poignant and dear. I sense her, and feel her, as if she were by my side.. Sadie, know that there's a loved one that will never forget you.
The ties that bind us are too strong to sever. Just love and emotion that will go on always

She spent new years eve, and the first day of the New Year with us.

Then on the next day, she did all her favorite things, walking around the pond, sitting under her favorite tree, watching us tinker with plants, coming in the house and taking a treat.
Then she walked up a ramp we had built her to get to her favorite love seat that faced out a window towards our backyard. Her second favorite window in the house.

All of a sudden she was breathing as if it was hard for her to get air . As it seemed harder and harder for her to breathe, I realized she was telling me it was time.

I laid down on that ramp cried , stroked her, told her everything she already knew (how much I loved her, and thanking her for allowing me to share her life, and the joy she brought into my life) .

As my heart broke on the way to the emergency room, I realized that sometimes the loving thing to do, is not always the easy thing to do. But Sadie and I had an understanding, a promise to each other, and I would keep my word as she obeyed me for all those years, and would obey her only favor she had asked from me.

And as she fell asleep on my arm, once again her fur absorbed
my tears.


God, it's one year later and the pain, the hole in my heart weighs heavily.

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Ellen, I sent you an email.  I'm so sorry for your pain...I so understand your sadness.  It's been 9 months and one week, and the emptiness is there with nothing to fill it.  I think it's because they have left such imprints in our lives that it's so hard to let them go.  Your tribute is beautiful!

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I am new here. I feel your pain. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I believe you when you say it doesn't get easier. I can't imagine the rest of my life without Moses. However, after reading your beautiful tribute I have to say that Sadie would be heartbroken if she new her passing was causing you such endless heartache...I feel like Sadie would be sad to see you so sad... that she would want you to have the greatness in life that you gave to her. My thoughts are with you Ellen.  

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I see your loving words and how much you loved Sadie. I'm so sorry for your pain, but I totally understand it. I think that will be me too. But I do believe missyou's words are right on, Sadie would want you to be happy, as Maddie would want me to as well, the problem is I just don't know how to get there.
Have you considered talking to anyone? I see a counselor, and it does help.
Loss is such a profound thing to deal with, as it brings up so many things, and so many past pains sometimes.
Even though it has been awhile, you can still come here for support. we can be with you during this difficult time in your life. We understand the pain and the depth of the loss.
My heart goes out to you. Judy
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