Kathymendez2020
Hello, I am new here. 

Tom was part of the family for 16 years and he passed away yesterday. I can not stop crying. I have been crying since yesterday. When I stop crying, I feel nothing but emptiness and pain - the emptiness being that my little angel is gone. And sometimes I like to forget all together and think that he is coming home to me from the hospital. He had kidney disease. The kidney disease was slight two months ago when i took him to the doctor.

Two weeks ago, he started to act different. He was no longer playful, no longer hungry (he was chubby and loved to eat normally), he just wanted to sit on the bed all day. 

My last day with Tom: 
On Sunday morning, he was walking low with absolutely no energy anymore. I never seen him like this. And a few hours later, I walk into the living room and he is on the floor like he is dying. I never seen him like this. His eyes did not look normal either. He tried to stand up to get brushed, but was struggling. So I put him on the couch to relax. I told him I love him. And rubbed his head. He was purring. But weak at the same time. A few minutes later, I put him in his bag so I can take him to the doctor and in the taxi he was struggling and having trouble breathing. I dropped him off at the animal hospital. They did not allow me to go back there (COVID-19). I did not see him again. The doctors tried all they could, but nothing. 

He had to eat through a feeding tube, and on Tuesday morning had a stroke. The doctor called me and told me he is suffering. Could not walk, breathe. He has hardly no time left (probably 15 minuets) and would die a painful death trying to breathe. I gave permission to put him to sleep. I did not want him to suffer. Said I can come, but I would need to make it in 5 mins. But I am at least a half hour away. I could never make it. I was crying. I would not be there for his last moments. He died with strangers. That hurt me.

I can not afford to hurry him in a pet cemetery, so I decided to cremate tom and set up a memorial in the house. The problem is i do not know if I can even see him as ashes. I will start crying, but I have be strong. I would want to be with his family. But it is hard 

I just can not believe my angel is gone. I feel like someone ripped out a piece of me. I miss him. He always had the energy of a kitten. He never hurt anyone. He was the sweetest cat you can ever meet.
You would love to have him as a cat. 

I am sorry if this is long, but I just do not know how to handle this. I have been crying for hours. I suffer mentally and can not handle losing my angel. What do I do? How do I handle this?
Kathy mendez
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Jen_0312
I'm so sorry about your cat. It's good you are letting yourself mourn. I just lost my dog Saturday. He was almost 16 like your cat. I still cry a lot. He died at home so I'm grateful for that and I'm so sorry you couldn't be with your baby at the end but he knew you loved him. Other people have already stopped talking about him. That's why I came to this forum. It helps to talk about it with people that are going through the same thing. 
Jen
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Marty3004
Hi Kathy
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Tom. I know how painful losing your special friend can be. I lost my cat Molly recently, she was 20 years old and had cancer. Due to Covid I couldn’t be with her At the end which was very difficult.  You play over all your decisions, could I have done this differently, if I had done that, what will she be thinking that I wasn’t there. 

The grief is awful and only time will ease. Just be kind to yourself and know you did everything you possibly could to help your baby. He knows he was loved, He knows you did everything you could for him. You gave him a fantastic life.  It’s just so unfair our furry friends don’t live as long as we do & that we have to say goodbye. 

I collected Molly’s ashes last weekend, in a way it’s comforting to have her back home.  You’re not on your own and everyone on this forum knows what your going through. Take care Martin
Martin
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Monroegirl
So very sorry for your loss of your Tom. It's so hard. It seems that no matter how they pass, or where, a lot of pet parents feel some guilt. That is normal. My girl passed at home, but I feel guilt that she suffered longer than she should have. The pandemic has made things so much more difficult for everyone in these types of situations. Take care of yourself and keep posting. It really helps. 
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Morriash
Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing our loved ones is the deepest kind of hurt. I also lost my sweet baby girl to kidney disease on April 16th, she was 18.5 years old. She had a complex history involving diabetes, kidney disease, and pancreatitis. At the end she was a shadow of her former self. She had become terribly skinny, and her once glorious coat that she had been so proud of had become brittle and matted. She walked on her hocks because of the neuropathy and because of this she wasn't able to jump to her favourite spots or do stairs as well as she once had. A couple days before I let her go, her once large appetite wavered and in her last 48hours she didn't eat more than 4 bites of food and barely drank. Even seeing these signs, and her declining quality of life I found the decision to let her go difficult. After losing her the guilt and what ifs have been worse. Everyday I wonder if I should have given her more time or if I should have tried to treat her one last time. I worry that I missed something in the weeks before and that I could have done more. I worry that I let her down in the end. I worry that I did not spend enough time with her in the last few months leading up to her death. I worry that she feels that I stole time from her and that she won't forgive me. I am not sure how to help you with your grief or to make you feel better regarding your loss. But please know that you are not alone in your grief. Our pets are sacred gifts of pure unconditional love to us. It is not fair that their lives our shorter than our own. I hope, with every fiber of my being, that we will one day be reunited with our fur babies in heaven (or whatever afterlife you believe in). And I pray that every once in awhile God blesses us with a sign from our babies to let us know they are thinking of us as well and that they are happy, safe, and healthy wherever they are. 

I pray you find peace eventually and that your memories of the love you shared never fades.

Warm regards,

Ash (Patches Mom)
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Lynnmac
My heart breaks for the loss of Tom. Allow yourself time to grieve snd don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. This forum has been so helpful in the 9 days since I lost my darling bunny. I still cry every day and try to remember the happy times. I pick up his ashes tomorrow and then having a little memorial for him.  Please remember the wonderful life you gave Tom over many years. He sounds much loved. Take care xox
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