I stumbled on this forum after trying to figure out how to cope with the sudden loss of my girl. I've had Dolly since she was 6 weeks old. I treated her like my child. I changed plans so that she would never be left alone too long. She was my everything. On Sunday became weak and her color turned. I rushed her to the emergency vet who said she needed to be put on oxygen. Her liver was destroying itself and her heart was enlarged. The vet said Monday morning she seems to be getting better. Then came the phone call that she was declining and I should come and see her. She couldn't breathe on her own and would ever be able to again. I made the most painful decision to end her suffering. I've never experienced this kind of pain before. I've been crying all day and just wonder if there was anything I could have done sooner. My boss isn't exactly a dog person so I'm struggling to even go to work tomorrow. Everything in my house reminds me of Dolly. I have been drinking most of the day because I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I've never posted anything on a forum so anyone that has advice I could really use it.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. The first weeks were the hardest for me, and I found a lot of support on this page. You'll read so many stories that will speak to you. On the opening page I found this, and it helped me at the time.

Kind thoughts to you and Dolly

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Thank you Jim.
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I'm so very sorry.  I feel your heartache. 
Heaven is a happier place with my Baby on patrol, but Mama misses you so very much. I  Love you my Baby Boy.
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we take care of our pets for so many years, they are not just a dog or just a cat, they are our little kid.

this is the first week that i have loss my dog to cancer.
it is the hardest time right now but very few people will understand our feelings and what we are going through.
i am still in a very depress stage...

the only thing that made me feel better is to believe that we will meet again someday. it is not the end. 

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I'm sorry for your loss. All the emotions you are feeling are normal. I lost my Daisy about 6 weeks ago to liver failure and renal failure. She stopped eating and drinking and could barely walk. I,took her to the vet thinking it was her time, as soon as we got there she perked up, so I waited a couple days. She got worse and I felt guilty for making her suffer. I would of felt guilty if I thought it was too soon also....
Either way we feel guilty. I can tell you that it does get easier. The guilt eases and you know you did the right thing. You did everything you could.
I also felt anger and wanted to blame the vet, but I know now it wasn't anyone's fault. We just go through all these emotions.
I hope you find comfort. You are not alone.

My thoughts are with you.
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I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost 2 of my girls under anesthesia at the vet within a year of each other. One for cancer treatments and one under a dental. Saki was 13 and Sophie was 12. The recent one just happened August 10th and I'm still devastated. It takes time to heal. You are not alone in how you feel. I went to grief counseling a few times and here are some things that were said that helped me see through this. The first was- "The reason we grieve so hard is because we loved so hard and that is a beautiful thing." Some people (maybe your boss) may not understand your grief and that's okay. This was a family member, your baby and you take as much time as you need. The second was- "We spend too much time talking about how someone died when we should be celebrating how they lived."  This really resonated with me. When it happened, for weeks all I could think of is how they passed. The moment to moment details of those horrible days. Once I heard this, I really tried to focus on celebrating their lives. Now, the negative stuff would creep in, but that statement helped me try to see past that. I really know how you feel. You want the pain to go away. I've been depressed, insomnia hit pretty hard, and anxiety ridden since it happened. In time, it does get better, but again take as much time as you need and know that this forum is an excellent place to start your healing process. I've been adding my fur babies names to the Monday night prayer lighting ceremony. It really helped me feel connected to them.
I also bought a book that really helped too. It's called When your Pet Dies.
It really validated a lot of my feelings.  
Hope this helped you a little. Sometimes knowing you're not alone in the way you feel helps a great deal.  Try to be strong and think of the good memories. When you feel that you can, share a picture of your baby. I just know that my babies and Dolly are running free together now at The Rainbow Bridge. Take care of yourself during this challenging time.  

Sending you positive thoughts,
Saki and Sophie's Mommie

Shannon Styron
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I'm so sorry for your loss and for your heartache. I, too, lost my baby last Tuesday (10/20) when I had to make the difficult decision to let him go. I used to be like your boss...never a pet person. But Charlie and I...we found each other, quite by chance, and were bonded instantly. Now he is gone, and I felt so alone in my grief.  But I ended up here, searching for others like me...and found them. I found you too.  What you feel, what we feel's all the same to varying degrees.  I am reading the posts here and thinking "yes, yes...I know...I understand".  May I suggest you do the same? I just got here today and have only read a little bit, and already it has helped me.  Just knowing that others get it! To know there is a place you can talk about it! It's so hard, so painful....I get it.  Hold on to those memories of all the good times you shared. I keep my boy's collar in my nightstand drawer and kiss it every night before I go to bed! I would never ever admit that to anyone else but on this forum! It gives me great comfort. Please keep coming here, sharing, and reading...even helping others as others have helped you.  I think it will be therapeutic.  This is a safe place to express your feelings so you can heal.  Take care <3
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