Meggie_Olaf Show full post »
Broken1
Maggie,
 i slept for the first time last night i stood up sat (the day we put him down)  and at 5 am I jumped up cuz i didnt hear him,i could not stop crying! I cant look at pics,absolutely not!!! I recently took a live pic (which is like a 3 second video) of him sitting next to the table where my iPad is and hes staring at me and I’m saying “I LOVE YOU BABBY,I LOVE YOU!!!” And his body was wiggling cuz he was wagging his tail so hard w excitemen...I cant live w what i did! I sware if i had the nerve I’d kill myself I SWARE I just cant live w it i feel like I betrayed his trust
Ill never be the same...
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Meggie_Olaf
The intensity of our grief is overwhelming....i understand the feeling....last night i just walked around the house crying because i couldnt help it...i can imagine him everywhere...everytime i finish a long cry i feel slightly lighter...so i learned not to hold it in. I cry at home, in the office, while riding public transportation...i dont care what people think because i know i need it.

Every night I would look at a picture of him and I would tell him i love him and i miss him...and then id start crying again.

Its okay i think...if you cant look at the pictures yet...dont force the process of grieving. Just...i think crying is good. So just let it happen...
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Meggie_Olaf
Hi Baby...I attended the Monday Candle Ceremony for you...I cried so much I had to hide for a while from my colleagues...i know they would understand...its just that...sometimes i need to grieve on my own

I keep staring at your spots in the house and i just feel empty...im scared baby...im scared to lose those memories of you

I miss you so much its hard to breathe sometimes. It just feels like...unreal. I miss you
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Meggie_Olaf
Hi Baby...I attended the Monday Candle Ceremony for you...I cried so much I had to hide for a while from my colleagues...i know they would understand...its just that...sometimes i need to grieve on my own

I keep staring at your spots in the house and i just feel empty...im scared baby...im scared to lose those memories of you

I miss you so much its hard to breathe sometimes. It just feels like...unreal. I miss you
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Lalf
Broken1 wrote:
I just put my baby (and that was his name) down yesterday 2/15/20,ive stood up all night pacing hoping to get myself so tiired hoping to pass out because every time I closed my eyes i see him! I had to put him down he was 14 yrs old and had a collapsed trachea,he started coughing on 11/24 and I rushed him to a vet hospital almost immediately (like 2 hours after the coughing started because i waited on primary vets call but he wasn’t in so his colleague called and said “it sounds like something went down the wrong pipe” but when coughing came back i was out the door w my him and his 2 brothers) because he had an enlarged heart and my primary vet said “listen for coughing its a sign the heart is getting worse” so I’m thinking it was his heart and saying “please no don't let it be his heart please no” it wasn’t but boy would i come to regret those works,he had a collapsed trachea! Ive been to 8 vets since 11/24 hoping for a miracle but no meds were working,what ever they’d give would word a day or 2 max then back to coughing. nothing was working from day ONE! So valentines he had a bad day,mom and I were up all night w him hed go limp we’d think he was dead but then hed come to and but his breathing was labored the coughs had no strength behind them and his gums and tongue were almost white,so w the vets advice and not wanting him to suffocate and die a horrible death,i did the unthinkable...I KILLED MY BABY i cant live w it i feel like i broke his trust and I’m driving myself crazy...I cant close my eyes I see him being put down...i hope someone answers i need help
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Lalf
Dear Broken
I am so sorry for your loss and know the pain of having to put your baby to sleep . I had to do the same after my little gizmo was struggling with recovering from hernia surgery . He was supposed to come home but suddenly his little body could no longer handle all the problems that plagued him . I raced to the hospital he had been recovering in early Sunday morning last August and when i arrived he had a shunt in his neck and he looked like he was in a State of shock . He was having seizures from blood glucose drops and they were injecting right into his little neck and he would remain calm for about half hour . I held him and begged them to please help him but they said all was exhausted but they could try a feeding tube . I was going to do that but suddenly he screeched and I knew I had to stop my babies pain . They gave him more glucose so that we could spend another half hour with our baby and we took him outside in the sunshine so he could feel the air and warmth one last time . I didn’t want to let go but knew the shot would wear off soon so I handed him off to my daughters because I could not mentally hold him any longer .

The doctor gave him his last shot outside in the sun with my girls holding him . A vet once told me having to put your baby to sleep is truly the ultimate act of love because to see them not suffer you will have to suffer horribly . I would never watch him suffer and knew when I heard him cry out it was time. The only thing I know for sure is that I did what I had to do and tried everything I could to help him but it wasn’t enough . I could never watch him suffer and I stopped that . We need to know when it is time to end our babies suffering and for that I am sure . So very sorry for you
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Broken1
Lalf,
 I read on another pet loss site ”Dont be guilty putting your pet down,look at it as a honor of taking them out of pain/suffering” easy to read and write,hard to do.I feel guilty if i dont cry,then I cry uncontrollabl,I just miss my boy and pray i did the right thing!

your broken friend,
jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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Broken1
Meggie, 

 The way you love your ”baby” (BTW That was my dogs name) I HIGHLY doubt you’ll lose memories but I do understand,I feel guilty not crying the little I’m not crying.It’s just grief,I’m told! 

Your broken friend,
Jimmy
Ill never be the same...
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