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Nima
Sara,

i really hope that was the case as it gives me comfort, and i will force myself to believe that as much as I can, but at the end of the day my poor baby didnt deserve any of it and he deserved so much more. I know i will never get over it and its something im going to live with for the rest of my life.  Thanks for the kind words, nothing else helps me during these hard times.

Nima




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Nima
Celia,

i cant imagine how it would have been if i had to go in to work the next day. You are very strong for being able to even make it there. I was on very strong anit-depression/ sleeping pills sleeping all day, then wake up cry myself back to slepp and trust me it was the first time i took any sleeping pills in my life. defenitely last resort for me...

Driving to and from work has been the only time that i can freely cry as loud as i want and yell at myself which i need to do as much as i can and more often, makes me feel better after for a little while. I am sure you share the same feeling.

I talk to Biggie too, just random commands , calling him over, etc etc and just hearing myself say those commands makes my heart go fast and brings me to tears.

i am thinking about moving in with a friend downtown and renting out my place for now, cant stand being at my parents much longer , as much as i love them i never hung out with them more than 2 hours at a time within the last 10 years since i moved out , over 2 hours and we get into arguments and its been 9 days now i been staying with them.

its crazy how good i had it with my puppy and i was never thankful, now im learning my lesson.

Nima





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Nima
Hi Biggie,

Tomorrow will be two weeks , I miss you so much , I still don't know what to do with these feelings, i am sorry for every minute I had to leave you at home alone, I know u hated it and you couldn't wait for me to get home, It would kill me to see ur sad face everyday when I had to go to work, I miss you so much, I am sorry Biggie if I was not as good as you deserved , I just went through some pictures and videos of you within the last couple of months and your better looking than ever, I miss you biggie, I can't stop crying
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Wileykitten
nima u have been on my mind and in my heart... im so sorry u are hurting so much. Biggie couldn't have asked for a better parent. U gave him so much love and happiness and he loved u more than u can fathom.
Please know u gave him the best life he could have had (((HUGS)))

love,
Stacie
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Sashajoey
Nima wrote:
Thanks guys,

I am really greatful for such a forum as this is probably helping me the most.

I just had an hour counselling and we went over a lot of good memories with my baby and now I'm starting to think he's in a better place . I was never spiritual but right now it is the only thing that makes sense .

I haved lived with him for 10 years just the two of us and now I don't know what to do, I am lost and it's just day 1... I'm glad I have found others that are going through the same thing and I am sure this will help me out more than anything.

I hope I dream about my baby and ask for forgiveness , my innocent sweet sweet baby that won't be sleeping next to me for the first time in 10 years






God bless you.
vkgsd
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Sashajoey
You made a mistake! Some would say, "thank God it wasn't a child", but it was your Baby! Forgive yourself as Biggie has already. Do you think for one second that he would want you to.live a life of regret and remorse?
vkgsd
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Siennia
Thanks so much for your kind words on my thread Nima.  I haven't rescued another dog yet.  I've been living with my brother and sister in law since the fire and they have two dogs, which I love, but there's nothing like having your own and you being their favorite person.  They both love me but I am definitely not their favorite.  They are expecting a baby in February and we finally just got the land sold where the house fire was so I'll be moving within a month.  I'm so ready to let another dog into my heart.   I know Honey would want me to rescue another dog and love it and take care of it just like I did her.  I've lost a few dogs now, a couple to old age when I was younger and the first dog that I actually took care of and paid for everything myself ended up getting cancer at 8 years old.  I was devastated and said why do I keep doing this to myself.  But then a month later I got Honey and it started all over. 

I know what you mean about just having one more hour of your pet.  I think that all the time, just one more day I would do so much in that day with her.  I wish all the time to see her in dreams too.  I did have one dream that I remembered and I woke out of it and grabbed my phone and make a note in it so I wouldn't forget. 

 I pray each day gets a tiny bit easier for you to make it through Nima. 

Remember your not alone in this, always come here when you feel really down.  It helped me a lot.  I cried a lot reading this site but it was very therapeutic to me. 
My dog did this amazing little thing, she existed, and made my whole life better for it. <3
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Nima
Hi Biggie,

It has been 3 weeks now, it get worse everyday, I have not gone back to the hosue yet, I dont have the heart to go there,  I miss you so much its driving me crazy, im sorry for every hour i had to leave you alone at home, i know you always waitied by the door till i was back home, i dont have a reason to leave work anymore and go home, i dont have a reason to do anything, how did you give me so much energey and motivation to do anything and everything, i never thought life would be so hard without you , im so sorry if i didnt give you all the attention that you needed, if i could go back in time god knows we would do so much more together,  10 years went by so fast, i still remember the first time we met when you were 8 weeks old, i just want you to forgivie me, i loved you more than anything, i would never want to hurt you, im so sorry biggie, i cant fogive myself ever, but i hope you can forgive me, you deserved so much more, you were too smart for me, im sorry Biggie, i just miss you so much, i hate all this, it has been the worst time of my life, 
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Bizbol
I'm sorry you have to go through so much pain, Nima. It is hard, so hard. I'm sure Biggie would not want you to feel guilt. He was your friend, your love, there is no way he would want you to feel bad. In fact, I'm sure he's sending you help to make you feel better. He's a real cutie by the way.

I have lost my little Tsuk exactly three weeks ago today. My heart is so heavy still. I will be writing to him tonight, but I fear the pain and the longing it will bring.

It's just so hard to let them go. I just can't muster the strength to do it.

I'm sending you thoughts of healing. May you find some peace tonight.

Take care,

Eric

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Nima
Hi Biggie,

cant believe its been 4 weeks now, i couldnt stand not being wih you for 4 hours before and now it has been 4 weeks, i have cried everyday and regret what happened that day, i hope you know how sorry i am and i would do anything to go back and fix things, there hasnt been a day that i havent crieed and havent been angry with myself, you were the best thing that ever hapened to me, i cant believe you are not with me anymore , i am broken Biggie, i need your help , i dont know how im gonna deal with this, i am sorry for the pain you went though, you didnt deserve it, you were the smartest sweetest thing, i am a terrible dog owner, i can never forgive myself, i cant believe this, i really hope you forgive me biggie, i miss you so much, id do anything to have one last day with you, 10 years went by too fast, im sorryy biggie
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jimster
Dear Nima: I'm very sorry for your loss. I too have recently lost my dog; although the circumstances were different. I read about your tragedy several days ago and haven't known what to say; except that I'm an older man and can tell you that just about all of us has had close calls in life, and at times may have avoided some disastrous result by inches or split seconds. We hear of so many freak accidents in life and learn many times that it's just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or some other quirk of fate. I'm a careful person but I know that no amount of care will provide a guarantee. I accidentally ran over my dog's foot in my driveway a few years ago and thankfully he wasn't hurt. We've heard stories of people surviving gunshot wounds because the bullet struck a pocket watch. What I'm really trying to say is that you must find a way to stop blaming yourself because this was one of life's unfortunate circumstances that turned out for the worst. I want you to know that you made a wise choice in seeking grief counseling -- by all means stay with it. I also want you to know that the people on this site are grieving with you and will continue to be there for you. May God bless you and bring you peace.

Jimster


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Nima

its been 6 weeks and i still dont know what to do with my life without u, things were so perfect before and you left me and it cant get any worse now

this is too hard, im not strong enough, i found your hair yesterday on my pants and i hated myself
i miss you so much
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TinkerBelle
I am so sorry for your loss.... Biggie is a very beautiful dog!

I keep reading all the posts in hopes of coming to terms with my own grief and guilt and the post by Sara was so comforting...

"How suddenly surprised they are to find themselves on the other side but with a knowing when it instantly happens that this was to be the case and are excited about being back home. They do not have a sense of confusion or alarm or doubt about what has happened. There is a certain knowing instantly at the time of death that they are going home and that this was what was meant to be. They would love to be able to explain this to the loved ones they have left behind so that it would help with the trauma and the shock that families are experiencing."

I feel like I failed my TinkerBelle by not protecting her and like you I just keep wishing I could go back to that fateful morning and do things differently.... it has only been 12 days and those final moments are still very vivid for me!

I agree with everyone... we have to leave the guilt behind and remember all the good times and I hope and pray for everyone here that in time we all can! 

My thoughts are with you during this time and I hope you are able to find peace and comfort!
I love and miss you TinkerBelle!

"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, she is able to wrap herself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and she ends."
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vivianl
Dear Nima,

very sorry to hear about your story... it must be very difficult for you...

i loss my dog last week due to cancer and i live alone with him for 7 years...
so i guess i understand how important biggie was in your life and the feeling of living without him.
i am still having a hard time adjusting to live alone... 


however, i believe that one day we will meet again and believing in this, makes me feel a little better ......
image1.JPG 

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Smokey
Poppycat wrote:
Nima, 

I too lost my beloved cat to an accident which I feel very responsible for.  It's devastating to lost a pet but then to lose one because of something that you did is almost unbearable.  Poppy died 2 1/2 weeks ago of heatstroke.  I put him in his cat room, which is also a sun room in our house, and forgot he was in there when I left for work.  I work as a vet technician so I spent all day caring for other people's pets, forgetting that my own was closed in a hot room.  He died when the room got too hot.  I still can't believe that it happened, that I forgot to let him out and that that oversight is what lead to his death.  It really does just tear me apart.  

I know how you are feeling, it is an absolutely terrible loss.  I don't think I will ever get over it but I have to learn to accept it and know that one horrible accident does not negate all the wonderful times I had with him and how much I loved him.

Your Biggie knows that you loved him dearly, please don't forget that.



I don't know how old your post is but I empathize with you. Being a tech I'm certain you are very reliable and totally into animals. And to have that happen. 

I wrote my story and it felt so good just to get it off my chest and not have to 'edit' because I don't want to upset anybody. In the meantime i need help too.

I hope you feel better already.

Smokey.
 
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