Naazmk
To begin with, i have 8 cats all of them have different personality and characters and i love them all dearly. Some days back one of my adult cat had fever i took him to vet got shots and he was fine and one of the baby cats which was seven months old got fever again, so i took him to vet and got the shots, the vet advised me to give dewormers to all the cat that day so i went back home and decided to give the dewormer to the little ones before. So i gave the dewormer to my beloved and the most charming cat called Pati, the vet asked me to give 1ml if the cat is 1kg as the cat which took to the vet is the twin of pati i thought she might be of the same weight and gave the dose, that day she was all happy and playful, after i gave the dose she seemed sick, i dint realized that it might be the dewormer and it might have poison her all i thought was that she got the fever and acting that way, she slept whole day dint eat or drink, i handfed her some rice porridge that very day i called the vet and told him that pati seemed to be sick he asked me to bring her at the clinic, i was unable to do so as my house was on construction and i need to be their also i thought to she might gets better as i dont have enough money for the vet visit she was sick for two days on the 2nd day after i fed her the porridge and ors and she threw up blood, i was so scared i called the vet, it was 10.30pm he didnt pick up, i pick her up let her sleep for a while she wasnt able to move, i took her by my side and slept with her she just looked at my eyes and lay their, i tried calling the doctor everytime but it was switch off, i promised myself as soon as the sun rise i would get her to the hospital, its was around 12 i might have dose off, i hear her meowing slowly, when i check she was so weak, she had peed in the bed, i took her up on my lap and pat her and oh! my baby was suffering she was in pain all she could do was looked me in the eye, i could feel her, i cried i feel helpless i couldnt do anything all i wish was that she somehow stay upto morning and i swear to god i would save her but i couldnt, i watched her die in my arm painfully and i couldnt do anything, i killed her and i couldnt live with this guilt, its been two days and i am missing her badly, i want her in my arms, i just want to hold her and say i am sorry. If i could have done more she would be alive
I am from imphal, a small state in a country called india, my state is so undeveloped, we dont have that much of access, here there is only two vets and all they care is dogs that also the costlier one, they dont look after cats that much we have to insist, i am unemployed (if anyone knows india and imphal particularly u would know why) and live with my mother who is a peon in a govt office, i dont have much money but i care for my cats and want to give the best life but i failed, i killed my cat ...and m dying inside too
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ForMitookie_03
Naazmk,

Please try not to be so hard on yourself.  You did the best you could with the resources you have, which, according to your post, are scarce.  I'm so sorry and my heart aches for you.  I know the pain you are in and you are not alone.  This is not easy, it will hurt, but know that with time you will heal.  Your beautiful kitty knows you did your best. Take care of the rest of your babies and pour your love into them.  I wish there was something I could say to help ease your pain.  Thank you for loving the kitties and doing the best you can for them, especially given the fact that they seem to be looked upon less favorably than dogs where you live.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Be kind to yourself. 

Take care,

Marina 
Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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xoostation
It is not your fault. This not your fault at all. You were just following doctor's orders, and we trust the doctors. 
I feel like I killed my dog because I read online that rabies vaccinations in old/sick dogs can kill them.
Despite this, I got her rabies vaccine done and not even ten days had gone by after the shot, and she had a seizure, which she had never had before in her life. And she passed away.
I too kept saying that I killed my dog. I shouldn't have given her the shot and so on, but again, I was trusting that the vet knew what she was doing. 
Sometimes there can be an adverse reaction to something an animal has taken before. 
I'm so sorry that you and your baby had to suffer but at least Pati was in your arms til the very end. 
Take comfort in the other kitties, and they will help you. Cry as much as you need to. Feel what you need to feel and don't let anyone try to tell you this was your fault. Because it wasn't. Be kind to yourself. And in time, this wound will heal...


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1967Pinecone
What a beautiful kitty!
I doubt the dewormer had anything at all to do with this. Nothing. Throwing up blood can be caused by many, many things - tumors, for example - none of which you could have known about, or done anything about. One of my cats, Buttercup, died a few years ago after vomiting up something that looked like blood, and the vet said it could be ANYTHING. She had been fine the day before.

As Xoostation wrote, you were following the vet's instructions. We depend on them to tell us what to do, and sometimes they are wrong. And our pets can't tell us what is wrong, either. Sometimes we know that they aren't feeling well, but they can't tell us why. And cats in particular are very good at hiding illness until it is too late.

Do not feel guilty. You obviously love your cats very much and you do the best you can for them!
"Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow" and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater." But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed." Khalil Gibran
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Naazmk
Thank you all for your kind words. I am trying my best to keep myself busy with the cats but somehow or the other this thought come to my mind what if i had done that or this, just replaying that day over and over again, its so hard, it kills. Pati's twin brother patu is also grieving, he seems scared and lonely. Both of them sleep with me on my bed and now after pati's death it seems patu is unable to sleep, he meowed all night and i dnt know how to calm him down, whole day he doesnt get out of my room, he is eating excessively i think he is in depression, i took away his sister and this guilt is tearing me up.
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xoostation
Please don't blame yourself. Patu is just missing his buddy and feeling your emotions as well. He is sad and you can comfort each other. I also keep replaying my dog's death in my mind... It helps to look at old picture of her when she was happy and healthy. 
Anytime I start to panic or feel too much sadness I hop on here, and seeing everyone's words, sounding so much like mine, I know I'm not alone. We all grieve, and we all suffer but it will get better. It has to. 
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Naazmk
xoostation wrote:
Please don't blame yourself. Patu is just missing his buddy and feeling your emotions as well. He is sad and you can comfort each other. I also keep replaying my dog's death in my mind... It helps to look at old picture of her when she was happy and healthy. 
Anytime I start to panic or feel too much sadness I hop on here, and seeing everyone's words, sounding so much like mine, I know I'm not alone. We all grieve, and we all suffer but it will get better. It has to. 

Thank you and m so sorry for your dog, hope we all come out from this pain
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RileysMom
I am very sorry for your loss. It is so hard, and I understand your guilt. I’ve been feeling it immensely over the loss of my dog. My dog had cancer, but I still feel I killed her by giving her things that were not appropriate for her at that moment. I just did not know, and it took her dying for me to realize it. I wish I could say something that would magically help us both. But there just are no words that can compensate for the loss of our loved ones. Having them go in a distressing way just makes it that much harder.

But what I can tell you is that your love for your cat is clear. It’s clear that you did not intend her harm, that you only intended good. It’s clear that you wanted her to live and to not have this experience. No matter how our pets die, there always may be something we missed or a better path. Hindsight is always crystal clear, if only it was there when we needed it. All we can do is to remember our intentions in the moment. That you were there has meaning. That’s something no one else could have provided for her. The fact that you feel such a great responsibility for her death shows that you are a good person and were a good caretaker to her. So many don’t take responsibility for their pets, we need more people like you who do.

I also wish I could hold my girl again. I long to feel the softness of her fur under my hand and to reassure her of my love...How much we miss them.

I hope you find some peace.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Naazmk
RileysMOm am so sorry that you are going through the same pain like i am, so sorry for your beloved dog. i know it, i know it is really hard and how much we miss them and how much we want them back. I hope you get through it, may god ease your feelings and so thankful to know that there are people like you all who empathize with my pain. Thank you all
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