It has been almost two weeks now since I had to say my last "I love you" to my baby boy. All I feel besides the overwhelming sadness is an incredible amount of guilt and regret. My boy was only two years old, TWO years, and I had to say goodbye. I've looked through and read many other stories of people's loss with their beloved pets to look for comfort but always cried when I would read that they had been 10 or 12 years old, do you know what I would give for even one more day with him. To see his soft, loving eyes running toward me with the biggest smile across his face, the nudge of an arm when he wanted me to pet his head, or even the comfort and security I felt when hugging him. I miss him. I feel such a strong sense of guilt because I had to make the decision to end his life, to kill him, I killed my baby boy, the love of my life. I know I did it so that he wouldn't suffer and live, or should I say die, in pain but the feeling is still there that I killed him. I regret making that decision. I regret it because I can't help but believe maybe I could have saved him, that there could have been a chance. He was sick, and from the moment I noticed any symptoms, the sickness ravaged him so quickly, it had only taken 3 weeks till I had to decide on his life. I still don't know what exactly he was suffering from either, it could have been cancer or it could have been a bacterial, viral, or fungal infection of his lungs. The first two weeks of looking into what was wrong and trying different treatments didn't yield much. His main veterinarians were stumped because all of his tests kept coming back normal and none of the medications were helping, so I was sent to an internal specialist who couldn't find anything wrong either. I didn't get any leads until a cardiologist looked over some chest x-rays and saw abnormalities in his lungs. The thing is this is the moment I really thought "Okay, I can save him, we can fight this" but to further testing was more than I could financially bare, and I had already asked for help funding some of the previous costs. I was able to get some medications to try to fight blindly if it was an infection, however the next morning my baby vomited up his food again (a constant that had been happening for 2 weeks by then, he lost 20+ lbs). He was starving, couldn't keep any medication down, could no longer walk well, any slight movement would make him whine in pain and rapidly breath, he didn't want to be touched, and he wouldn't even look at me. I know he was in immense pain, but did I make the decision to end his pain too quickly. Should I have continued to try to fight hoping he would get better. He was only two years old, he deserved a longer life. I truly feel as though I failed him.