RyderMyBaby
It has been almost two weeks now since I had to say my last "I love you" to my baby boy. All I feel besides the overwhelming sadness is an incredible amount of guilt and regret. My boy was only two years old, TWO years, and I had to say goodbye. I've looked through and read many other stories of people's loss with their beloved pets to look for comfort but always cried when I would read that they had been 10 or 12 years old, do you know what I would give for even one more day with him. To see his soft, loving eyes running toward me with the biggest smile across his face, the nudge of an arm when he wanted me to pet his head, or even the comfort and security I felt when hugging him. I miss him. I feel such a strong sense of guilt because I had to make the decision to end his life, to kill him, I killed my baby boy, the love of my life. I know I did it so that he wouldn't suffer and live, or should I say die, in pain but the feeling is still there that I killed him. I regret making that decision. I regret it because I can't help but believe maybe I could have saved him, that there could have been a chance. He was sick, and from the moment I noticed any symptoms, the sickness ravaged him so quickly, it had only taken 3 weeks till I had to decide on his life. I still don't know what exactly he was suffering from either, it could have been cancer or it could have been a bacterial, viral, or fungal infection of his lungs. The first two weeks of looking into what was wrong and trying different treatments didn't yield much. His main veterinarians were stumped because all of his tests kept coming back normal and none of the medications were helping, so I was sent to an internal specialist who couldn't find anything wrong either. I didn't get any leads until a cardiologist looked over some chest x-rays and saw abnormalities in his lungs. The thing is this is the moment I really thought "Okay, I can save him, we can fight this" but to further testing was more than I could financially bare, and I had already asked for help funding some of the previous costs. I was able to get some medications to try to fight blindly if it was an infection, however the next morning my baby vomited up his food again (a constant that had been happening for 2 weeks by then, he lost 20+ lbs). He was starving, couldn't keep any medication down, could no longer walk well, any slight movement would make him whine in pain and rapidly breath, he didn't want to be touched, and he wouldn't even look at me. I know he was in immense pain, but did I make the decision to end his pain too quickly. Should I have continued to try to fight hoping he would get better. He was only two years old, he deserved a longer life. I truly feel as though I failed him.
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margej
RyderMyBaby wrote:
It has been almost two weeks now since I had to say my last "I love you" to my baby boy. All I feel besides the overwhelming sadness is an incredible amount of guilt and regret. My boy was only two years old, TWO years, and I had to say goodbye. I've looked through and read many other stories of people's loss with their beloved pets to look for comfort but always cried when I would read that they had been 10 or 12 years old, do you know what I would give for even one more day with him. To see his soft, loving eyes running toward me with the biggest smile across his face, the nudge of an arm when he wanted me to pet his head, or even the comfort and security I felt when hugging him. I miss him. I feel such a strong sense of guilt because I had to make the decision to end his life, to kill him, I killed my baby boy, the love of my life. I know I did it so that he wouldn't suffer and live, or should I say die, in pain but the feeling is still there that I killed him. I regret making that decision. I regret it because I can't help but believe maybe I could have saved him, that there could have been a chance. He was sick, and from the moment I noticed any symptoms, the sickness ravaged him so quickly, it had only taken 3 weeks till I had to decide on his life. I still don't know what exactly he was suffering from either, it could have been cancer or it could have been a bacterial, viral, or fungal infection of his lungs. The first two weeks of looking into what was wrong and trying different treatments didn't yield much. His main veterinarians were stumped because all of his tests kept coming back normal and none of the medications were helping, so I was sent to an internal specialist who couldn't find anything wrong either. I didn't get any leads until a cardiologist looked over some chest x-rays and saw abnormalities in his lungs. The thing is this is the moment I really thought "Okay, I can save him, we can fight this" but to further testing was more than I could financially bare, and I had already asked for help funding some of the previous costs. I was able to get some medications to try to fight blindly if it was an infection, however the next morning my baby vomited up his food again (a constant that had been happening for 2 weeks by then, he lost 20+ lbs). He was starving, couldn't keep any medication down, could no longer walk well, any slight movement would make him whine in pain and rapidly breath, he didn't want to be touched, and he wouldn't even look at me. I know he was in immense pain, but did I make the decision to end his pain too quickly. Should I have continued to try to fight hoping he would get better. He was only two years old, he deserved a longer life. I truly feel as though I failed him.
Marge James
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margej
God I'm so sorry for what happened to you and Ryder. If love could've saved them they'd still be here. I lost my beloved cat 3 weeks ago tonight and still cry every day. Hurts deeply. I also have guilt feeling for not going to a specialist. Hugs to you.❣️
.
Marge James
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Sierra,

I am very saddened and sorry to learn of your loss and to read your heartfelt words. You are obviously still in shock sweetie. You didn't kill your boy, you released him from agony, pain, suffering, starvation and other issues. You showed him mercy. By ending his pain, suffering & agony, you transferred those feelings on to yourself, and that is what you have been and are now feeling.

Please take a moment to re-read your post and the list of maladies your boy was enduring. The lung issue alone would be dreadfully painful. You wrote he could not be touched. Could not look you in your eyes. What you were most likely dealing with was genetic in nature. And there was most likely no way to treat it. Please be gentle with yourself and forgiving. Hopefully others here, who are much wiser than I, will chime in shortly.

My sincerest condolences and kind regards,
James
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Jan_H
Oh no! You didn't kill him you ended his suffering because you loved him. He was too young. But unfortunately it happens. Many years ago I lost a two-year old pet. I still have regrets and feel I should have saved her. She was a mischievous little girl and also very special. But I couldn't save her and I have to accept that.

My condolences,
Jan
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margej
Have same regrets as I didn't take my kitty to a specialist and he died in my hands.
Marge James
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Miasmom_704
Dear Sierra,

Yes, your boy was only two. That must hurt so much and he did deserve a longer life, but James is correct. He probably had some genetic disorders. Please do not hurt yourself further by telling yourself that you killed your baby boy.. You released him from tremendous pain, and he needed you to do that for him. You did this out of love for him. We don’t know why they come into our lives for a short time but I bet in time you might realize the reason he came to you, even for a short time. None of us can take away the pain. I wish I could. I lost my baby seven weeks ago. At least we all can share in the pain and love we have felt for our furry boys and girls.

Wishing you peace,

Maryellen
Mia’s Mom
Please visit Mia’s memorial
Visit Mia's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency

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kmayo99
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my fur baby just a week ago and he was only 2 as well. I understand when you say that he deserved a longer life because I wish the same for my dog.
I want you to know that you did NOT t kill him. You saved him from suffering in the long run. You did not fail him, you saved him. I know it was an incredibly hard decision but I can’t emphasize enough that you saved him from the pain he would’ve felt.
I wish you the best. Only time can heal us both. Take care.
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Bibbi
I am so sorry for your loss!
I know exactly how you are feeling at the moment, and i am so so sorry for you both.
I lost my beloved Ludwig almost 2 weeks ago, and i am devestated from the loss of him; but yes, i had over 14 years of love shared with him.

Before my Ludwig i had a Great Dane, Phillip, and i had to euthanize him when he was 14 months old. He had a genetic desease called Wobblers syndrome, his spine grew apart and pressed on his nerves, and he would have gotten completely lame within 4 weeks of the diagnosis. I had the choice to wait and see, or to euthanize him... and i chose to euthanize him on the spot when he was already under from the sedatives for the X-rays...
I went through all the "what if's"... the vets might be wrong...maybe i could find some treatments...maybe he would live longer with his condition than the vet told me..
I just didnt want him to loose control of his body, and to experience the stress to pain and frustration of not being in control... I beat myself up for that decision for a long time, but i think it was the right decision - there was nothing that could be done with the desease. I did not want him to suffer anymore as i already had seen episodes of him loosing control of his hind legs.. I chose to end his suffering in the long term because i love him so deeply!
It takes time to come to terms with this, but i know you will eventually - cos you love your baby boy! You did what you had to do - cos you love him!!!
Hugs to you all with a broken heart - take care!
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Kholl0525
Im so sorry for the loss of your young baby boy💙 I feel guilt as well after putting my lola down. I always question if it was the right decision. I know ur pain and know that ur not alone. Prayers for you🙏❤❤
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