It has been almost 3 months since my baby boy got taken from me, and I still miss him so much it hurts. Mac was a 3 year old Bullmastiff and he was everything to me. My father-in-law had carelessly left our gate open, leaving Mac and my husky Ahri to get loose and run for the highway. (I explained more in another post.) Well since then, my father-in-law has picked up a job working in Ohio so I haven't had to see him. I just found out that he is coming to town for the weekend, and I still hate him so much. I have tried to move past it and forgive him....but I can't. I'm starting to think it's not possible. I thought all I needed was time, but time doesn't seem to be helping. Every time I think of him, all I can think of is how if it wasn't for him my baby would still be laying in bed with me every night. If it wasn't for him, Mac would get to live out his life like he was intended to. I will be forced to be around him while he is here, and I'm not sure how to get through it. He's not even in town yet, and my anxiety is already through the roof. Mac always made my anxiety better. I just want my baby back.  12378008_1045483812164967_5507511167325770942_o.jpg 

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What a beautiful boy x I too have anxiety and had to get my baby pts yesterday after us battling his cancer for 25 mounth since he was to get pts , am grieve stricken am crying all the time x its the worse pain ever x thinking of you & sending healing hug's xxx
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Lost my boy two days ago.. and lost without him. Time is the only thing that can help but  think anger makes it harder, I understand the blame and I can't think how painful that can be, there is no answer for the grief and the tears, many people say 'get another dog and make the best life for them' but it doesn't help deal with the pain of losing Soxie or whichever dog is your 'once in a lifetime'. Nothing can compare.
The only thing that helps for me is to write, to write each chapter, each story, each moment that they inspired you or that you shared a moment, a look even. 
The memories are the things that keep those moments alive, we have created a memory garden where he is buried and have things to remind us, stones which he used to, love chasing in the sea, we will collect one every time we visit..
For mac, only you will know what those special things were but it is important to hold on to those things, the reasons he was amazing.
The last moment will always be the worst but those before are the ones he would remember...
For Soxie it was one day when he was first diagnosed with cancer we took him to a hill overlooking Devon, he got to the top before all of us and even at close to 13 he wheeled around that hill like a puppy and put all the youngsters to shame. Love him more than anyone or anything and I would sell the world for one more day but like us all who love dogs unconditionally, we can find solace in rescuing other dogs but those that stand out remain forever and the pain almost unbearable that it is, is only because we loved them and enjoyed being with them more than anything else in the world.x
chris silverton
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