hannahbanana
Hi,

I just lost my sweet almost 5 year old kitty to what the vet believed was cardiomyopathy this morning. Her back legs collapsed yesterday afternoon and she looked to have a seizure. I rushed her to the ER vet and they ran tests, which confirmed likely heart disease. I planned to pick her up this morning (Saturday) and take her to the cardiologist first thing Monday morning. As I was getting ready to pick her up, the vet called to tell me she'd gone into cardiac arrest and had died. I missed her by half an hour. It all happened so fast, and is still so surreal.

She was the best, most wonderful kitty--at times, she was my only companion during some rough times in my life. I feel extreme, crippling guilt that I wasn't with her at the end, and that in the last few days, I didn't give her enough love. I loved her so much, and I am devastated. I thought I had many more years with her. I keep looking at pictures and wishing I'd spent more time at home, cuddling and playing with her instead of going out. Did she know how much she was loved?
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Bailey15
The answer to your question is "Yes". Your kitty undoubtedly knew how loved she was! You did everything you could for her but the most important thing was the love you gave her for almost 5 years. It is so sad that she passed before you got back to the vet and I know you wanted to be there for her. It sounds like it was very quick so she likely didn't suffer - just slipped away. It seems so unfair that she became ill at such a young age and I know your heart is broken. I lost my dog in November and it felt like the world stood still. So I understand the terrible loss you feel. It's part of this awful thing we call grieving to think of anything we could have or should have done but at the end of the day you cared for her her, fed her, took her to the vet when needed and she was smart enough to know how loved she was. (So many animals never know any love or joy): I hope you can take some comfort knowing that you gave her a wonderful life.
So very sorry for your loss!
Hugs!
MJ
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MonaGirl
Hugs, I feel your pain, I lost my little cat to heart disease last year. I feel the same way. I should have loved on her more, etc. Mine collapsed at home and past away at home. There was no time to run to a vet.
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winstonsmom12
So very sorry to hear about your adorable kitty..My dog also collapsed at times. I also feel the guilt of not spending more time with him at the end. I was in denial about him and thought his symptoms were old age and arthritis. We never ever want our pets to suffer.  I'm not positive, but i think my Winston had a combination of things, kidneys, heart and cancer from the way he breathed and coughed constantly. He drank gallons of water, which indicate some of those problems. I feel I made the right decision for him and me in the end.  God Bless You
Susan
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hannahbanana
Thank you all so much--your kindness and willingness to reach out on a Saturday night means a lot to this devastated stranger in Virginia.

I think the hardest thing has been expecting her to hop up and cuddle with me because I'm sad. She's been a constant source of support for almost five years, and I haven't made a living decision (i.e., moving, etc.) without thinking of how it will affect her. Now I'm alone, and it just sucks.

I'm so sorry for your losses as well. I'm feeling mine very acutely, but I know it never really goes away. We just learn to endure it.
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Pixie79
I'm so sorry for your loss. My situation mirrors yours almost exactly. My kitty, Cullen, had HCM and began to suffer heart failure after a bout with acute pancreatitis. I had no idea that he even had a heart defect until he started having issues breathing after getting IV fluids. Over the course of 4 days, he began to decline, and I lost him at the vet. They were going to keep him and reasses and give me a call, but they told me he had passed away. He was 3. I think it really really hurts because our babies were so freaking young. No doubt you thought you were going to get another 10-15 years with your little sweetie. I'm so sorry for your loss and understand just how sharp this pain is. The grief is still raw for you, but I promise you, it will get better. It's been a month since my guy passed, and I still cry for him, but I can function.
Be kind to yourself and know that your kitty knows how much you loved her. If you were to ask her, I bet she would say each day with you was a blessing. I bet she didn't want to leave you any more than you wanted her to leave you. I'm sorry that you're hurting, it's a testament to the depth of love that was shared in your special bond. I think that all living, sentient creatures have an energy that can't be destroyed. I hope that you can heal and eventually find happiness until you can be reunited again. /hug
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hannahbanana
Thank you so much, Pixie79. I'm so sorry for your loss, too.

I think it is indeed so hard because I made all my future plans with her in mind--I often felt like she was my only companion, and I knew wherever I went, she would always be there. She was such a beautiful and such a lovebug with me, but a bit cantankerous to others. She really was the perfect kitty.

I really appreciate you, and the other people who responded here, for taking the time to reach out to me. I'm overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers and of my dear friends and family. It makes a pretty unbearable situation the tiniest bit easier. Taking it a day at a time has helped--I hope you have found the same.

I do hope she knows how much I loved her, and that wherever she is, she's met all my other kitties who are waiting for me so she's never alone. I hope the same for your little baby.
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