Kloe12459

I just lost my best friend and most precious thing in the world to me last night. His name is Bullet, we got him around 4 years ago. He is a chihuahua and he got his name because when we first got him we joked that he was as fast as a bullet cause he ran all around the house. He was my first real pet who I was in charge of taking care of and he was supposed to come and live with me after I moved out. His death has come very unexpectedly. The beginning of this week he wasn’t acting right so we took him to the vet Wednesday. The vet sent him home after one night on fluids and we hoped he would get better. That night though he only got worst so we took him back as an emergency and brought him home again with pain meds. We brought him back the next morning and little did I know as I handed him over to the vet that it would be the last time I would hold him or see him again. He died that night alone in some cage from kidney problems, most likely a defect he had since he was born. Bullet was the only reason I would get out of bed most days. I struggle with anxiety and depression and on my lowest days he was always there to love me and support me. I am going into my senior year of high school and without him I have no idea how I will manage my stress and anxiety. The thought of not seeing him all excited when I come home or feeling his soft ears at night when my thoughts start becoming overwhelming. I feel so guilty because I promised him the last night we had him home that I would never leave him and then I just hand him over to the vet and walk away from him like I am abandoning him. I should have been with him in his last moments, when he was in pain just like he was always there for me when I was suffering. 


I would post a picture but they are all too large.

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P_Mom
Dear Kloe, I am so very, very sorry about the loss of your sweet Bullet.  I can totally relate as I too lost my sweet Chihuahua, Patch, to kidney failure.  You did not abandon Bullet and he knows that.  You did what we all do and that's seek professional medical attention when needed - it's the right thing and you weren't aware of Bullet's condition.  It's so hard with dogs because we just don't know what's going on internally.  

It sounds to me like you and Bullet had a very special bond together that will remain forever. ❤️❤️  I know it's not fair and a most painful time for you, but try to take some comfort in knowing you gave Bullet a most wonderful, loving, and safe home.  Would love to see pics when you can.  XO Jennifer
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Helonwheels
I  lost my precious Jack Russell all too recently due to an aggressive form of cancer. I had Bandit for 14 years, we went off to the vet for a routine arthritis injection. Only to be told my dog is dying and that he wouldn't make it through the night. 14 years of decisions to say goodbye in under an hour as he was passing before my very eyes. So much pain and the decision to put him to sleep was the right thing to do, but has cut me very deeply. He lit up my life, he made me happy, he helped shape the person I am today. 5 weeks on and my heart is still very heavy and broken.  My life feels so very empty without him. You did the right thing by Bullet, you were there, you tried to get the help you thought he needed. Our vets don't always get it right, it is hard for them to know exactly what his going on with our precious animals. Bullet would have known how much you loved and cared for him. Unforseen circumstances took any control out of your hands. Imagine how  vets must feel having to present that terrible news to you. It is important to grieve and let the feelings pass over you. It is so important not to listen to those who don't understand that special bond you had with Bullet.  I am hurting 5 weeks on, not many understand my pain. Please feel free to share your heartfelt feelings and photos of your beautiful Bullet. Lots of love and heartfelt love to you and here we are, sharing our deep pain. Big love to you and Bullet 💛❤💛❤🐕🐾❤💛
X x
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roseblue1
I was not with my boy Monty because of Covid-19 and I was heartbroken and felt so guilty. But I know Monty loved me and he certainly knew that I loved him and he had the love of my daughter as well...he was King of our house and with talking to people I have started to feel better.

Remember the good and loving times you shared...and remember he is still with you in your heart.

Ellen x
Ellen Hague
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Kloe12459

Here are some pictures of him. One is with our cat Tux who was like his little brother and the two grew up together playing all the time. The one in the rock is from our trip to Maine last summer. He loved the car ride so much and spent most of the time with his head out the window and when we took him for walks on the rocky beach he loved exploring and climbing on every rock. The bow tie is the only thing we could get him to wear happily cause he hated sweaters. Whenever we put one on him he just laid still in one spot until we took it off him. 

Everyday he made me smile, from just seeing him wag his tail every time I would call his name or climbing up into the chair to curl up and nap next to me. I regret not spending more time with him, especially near the end. I was too wrapped up in doing my own stuff I wouldn’t play with him or sit and cuddle. I should have gone on more walks with him or just held him a little more.

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P_Mom
Oh my goodness - truly the sweetest and so adorable.  Those eyes and ears and little white strip on his chest.  I can see why you fell in love. ❤ Beautiful baby boy. 💙

My heart breaks for you too - again I'm so very sorry.  I have the same feelings about work and life getting in the way - dogs truly do teach us to stay in the moment.  
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Kloe12459
They really do. Some things I take comfort in is that my last dog, Brixen, is taking care of him for me. And there is this thing I heard somewhere that our pets that have left us are the ones who choose the next pet to come into our lives and when they do. I find comfort in knowing Brixen chose Bullet for me and that sometime in the future he will help bring someone new into my life.
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P_Mom
Awe I have not heard that one before but I love it and makes perfect sense - thanks for sharing!
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Kloe12459
I can’t stop looking around at everything in my house and crying because every single thing holds a memory of him. I literally can’t even eat ice cream because it is the same kind that I let him lick off my bowl the week before he died. I keep finding his toys around the house where he left them and then seeing the rips on them where he chewed. I can’t watch certain shows or play certain games cause all of them hold some kind of memory of him sitting with me while I watch or played them. I can’t bare to move his bed from the spot where he laid the last night I had him. My parents want me to just go back to normal already but I can’t. I can’t just go back to cleaning the house, removing any trace of him, or listening to music, cause I used to sing to him and play music for him whenever we left the house. They just don’t understand the bond I had with him or how much he really meant to me. He was my best friend and my baby. Since day 1 we had never really been apart. I can’t just go back to before like nothing happened. He was my life and now I have this giant hole left.
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roseblue1
Of course you cannot go back to normal...the grief is overwhelming losing such a devoted loving pet. 

I am finding it hard in the mornings...and it is sad that your parents expect you to go back to normal as I get much of my memories talking about Monty to my daughter...talking really does help and you need to talk to share your precious times with Bullet...and what a fine boy he was.

Come on here as much as you would like...there will always be someone to listen and help you get through this sad time... until you will treasure and enjoy remembering Bullet.

Take Care

Ellen x
Ellen Hague
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Runningman66
Ellen you are spot on everything you say and agree that the parents need to show a little more compassion as grief cannot just be got over in a few weeks as I know I’m still suffering after two months and I know with me it will never go away completely and you cannot be expected to erase all traces of him as though he’s never been there and personally I find it quite comforting that most of my Coco’s things are on show although a bit emotional for me at times as rather that than nothing at all.We are here for you so come on here as much as you like with people who know exactly what you are going through.Sending prayers 

Runningman xx
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Kloe12459

Thank you all for your help ❤️

I will definitely be putting some things of his on show. I plan to turn his toy box, that I made for him when we first got him, into a small box to place some of the more precious things inside like his favorite toy and his collar. The box will be very special because it has his paw prints all over it from when we first painted it. 


I probably will have to fight my parents on returning to normal for a little while but some things I wish I could do again. I used to spend a good amount of my time on my computer at my desk but now I can’t even look at the chair let alone sit in it without nearly crying and feeling a giant pit form in my stomach. I just keep thinking about how all that time I spent on there I was just ignoring him and not spending time with him like I should have. The guilt of the should haves is still very hard because there was sooo much more time I could have spent with him and instead I decided to do some useless things. I would just ignore his whining for attention when I was on and it breaks my heart now to think I had done that to him when I had such little time with him. Do you have any tips on how to overcome this kind of thing? 

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Runningman66
That is one regret I have is that I wish I’d have spent more time with him but I cannot turn back the clock and I had to work to pay the bills but I hope aside that he had a good life but my Coco never hardly complained but I don’t think these guilty feelings will ever go away and would I do things differently now if I could have him back?You bet and I’m sure many if not all of grieving pet owners will have some guilt so no point in beating yourself up about it as that will do you no good and I’m sure that you had more happy times with him than bad.I know a dog owner who has two huskies in his backyard all day as I’ve hardly ever seen him out with them and that breaks my heart as what the hell is the point when a dogs natural instinct is to be exercised?That is one thing that really irks me.No person should get a dog unless they are prepared to walk it everyday or at least some days.Just animal cruelty in my opinion.
Love Runningman xx
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roseblue1
I think we all think that...I only work part time so would be with Monty every afternoon and evenings and weekends...my daughter teaches at at school and  would get 3 months of holiday a year and be with him all that time as well...but yet we still felt guilty.

I guess it is because we loved them so that we wanted to do so much for them and now that they are gone we worry about did we do enough.

As for having pets I agree a pet should be part of your family as they rely on you for everything...I have a stray cat that visits me twice or three times a day (Monty did not think much of that...lol) and we have tried hard to invite him in...but he will just not have it...so we feed him every time he arrives and when the weather turns bad we put some housing that we make up for him outside...but he never uses it and we can only assume he has his own little hideaway that he feels more secure in...but we will never stop feeding him.

Those that have pets and do not look after them make my blood boil...why have them if you cannot look after them and take them for a walk...and I agree it is just plain cruelty.

I am sure that Bullet and Coco truly knew what love was.

Ellen x
Ellen Hague
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Runningman66
Beautifully put Ellen.While getting another dog is not even in my thoughts right now as the loss of Coco is too raw I would only consider one like yourself if I had a part time job which I am hoping to get once this darned Covid is gone as the job market here in the UK is in free fall but in the meantime life without our beloved pets goes on and all we can do is comfort,console and support each other by expressing our feeling on this wonderful forum.
Love Runningman xx
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