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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #61 
I feel all your pain. Mornings are the hardes indeed, and coming home from work and not having Talyn running up to greet me. It's exactly 7 weeks today, and the heartache is mighty.
sicnerely,

Ronnie, Talyn's daddy https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TALYN001/Resident.htm

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Ronnie A
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Mandypeekie

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Reply with quote  #62 
3 weeks yesterday. I try to get out of this house as much as possible. I have guilt that I shoulda kept her another week. Another day. Was she really ready? She ate the night before. I shoulda stayed there for that last shot but couldn’t at the time. I feel like I left her lying on the table still breathing and I left. I was hysterical and was in so much pain I couldn’t take it. It’s hard in the morning and hard at night like someone here said. It’s hard to be home. It’s hard to go out. I cry in public. It’s almost like I cry constantly.

I have a hard time functioning. I live alone, no kids, 64 years old. I lost my Coda 5 yrs ago and that still hurts me to think about her.

I have a hard time coming here and I have a hard time reading one of my books.called Goodbye Friend. He says losing a pet is sometimes worse then losing a human. I think I agree with that. She took a big piece of my heart. The reason it’s hard for me to come here is I feel everyone’s pain and it makes it harder.

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Custy

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Reply with quote  #63 
Hi Mandypeekie
I just read your post and it hit a nerve with tears. Because I too feel guilty because I couldn't stay for the last shot for Rebel at the Vet. I do hope he knows that I was there up until that minute. We had to sedate during the night because he was crying and barking and couldn't get comfortable until that morning to get him to the Vet. He was on my lap in the car and I stayed until the Vet ask me if I could bear it and I didn't know what to do and he told then maybe it would be best to remember him the way he was so I left. I do have regrets for that and maybe if I would have kept him downstairs sooner would he have lived a little longer.The tears just keep flowing.  There isn't any specific time of day that is harder it's all day and night until I go to sleep.
I also had I hard time coming here but reading that we feel the same for our pets helps I'd guess . I ent out to breakfast yesterday with a friend and talked about how I feel and their no judgements and that was nice. She has been asking to go out and go by the pool since Rebel gone but I just couldn't and she understood too she has a cat.
I also want to say to everyone so very sorry for all your losses. I'm trying but this is harder than grieving for a human I think also.My mind wonders if he is playing nice with his sisters and brothers and cousins who have gone over the Rainbow Bridge because he didn't like other dogs.I wonder if he is lonely and looking for me. Whenever I went on vacation for a week or so I always wondered if he thought I abandon him I would tell him I be right back from the store or an evening out. I cry went I'm by myself in the car, I cry just mentioning his name or remembering little things.
I do believe that we will see our beloved pets someday and our beloved humans someday but I wish I could just have one more day with my Rebel. I told him every day and every time I kissed him that I loved him. I also feel guilty because a few month back he started taking so much doing his business I used to get mad not realizing that he was have difficulty squatting does this make me a bad owner . I'm so sorry Rebel please forgive mommy.
I was in denial. Please fellow members forgive me. 
This I have my 7 yr old granddaughter to watch until school starts so I don't know when I'll be on the site. I'm going to try to gone the candle lighting ceremony Mon at 9

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redgirlraven

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Reply with quote  #64 
Mandy,
I am so sorry. I too have guilt. My Roary was in surgery and I was told it was almost 100% likely to be a cyst in his chest. I waited but then left thinking I had time to go get everything ready for his recovery. They called when I was an hour a way in traffic to tell me his chest was full of cancer and the entire right lung was overrun by it. They recommended letting him go on the table and I wasn’t there for it. I was stuck in a car hysterically crying in traffic. I have so much guilt too. I pray he knows how much I wish I was there for him. But I didn’t want to wake him up on pain to put him down again. I was there when they seated him before surgery and sadly that will have to be enough no matter how desperately I wish I could do things differently.
I missed signs of his illness as well and was reflecting on that this morning. I wish I could do it all over again.

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judylinn

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Reply with quote  #65 
I also believe synchronicity is evidence of the divine. On Maddie's first anniversary of her passing. I was crying while I was driving..and a truck pulled up beside me..There was a beautiful picture of a yellow dog just like Maddie....and in huge print on the side of the truck was.... Maddie's Food Truck...never ever heard of it and have never ever seen it again. We both just happened to be there at the same moment that I was needing a sign..When things happen like that open up and take it in..I believe they are signs that our beloved's are there for us..Just like the song that came on the radio...Judylinn
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Shannon3000

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Reply with quote  #66 
I love that!
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Bibbi

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Reply with quote  #67 
To my beloved, sweetest and dearest Ludwig:

Its been a month now since i kissed you goodbye. It feels like yesterday, and i honestly dont know where the days have gone. Living without you seems impossible, so I am barely existing. All I can focus at times is the next breath... then another breath... I have never ever felt pain like this, both mentally and physically. My mind is spinning, my body is aching and my soul is just drifting... All i can think of is how much I need to be with you.
My heart feels like it will blow up with all the love I have for you; the love has nowhere to go, nowhere to be released... I just want to hug you. I wake up at night and I hug my knees, then i hug your favorite teddybear.. but my heart just want to hug YOU.
I talk to you all the time, and I really really hope you are near me and can hear me... I hope you are safe and loved, I hope you are happy and not in any pain; and I hope you are not missing me the same way I miss you. I hope you have some kind of knowing that we will be together again, I hope you are running around on adventures like you used to do, I hope you are exploring your "realm" with curiosity and joy; and most of all I hope that you still exist somewhere. I am open to your signs if you find a way to send me signs, I am listening for you and I am looking for you and I am thinking of you. My soul is longing for you.
My love for you is growing stronger and stronger by the minute, I love you forever and ever after!

<3
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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #68 
Hi Bibi,

I just wanted to say that you expressed this sentiment so eloquently! I couldn't have said it better. It's exactly how it is.

sincerely,

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Bibbi

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Reply with quote  #69 
I miss you so much Ludwig, every fiber in my body wants you back in my arms!
You were my light, my reason and my joy.
I loved seeing the world through your wonderful and sparkly eyes, I loved surprising you with new toys and treats, seeing the anticipation in you. Even when you got old you loved teddybears and toys, and we would "kill" the teddybears together...
I loved taking you for walks in new places so you could explore and investigate. Remember the time we met an elk, and you wanted to go and say hello to him? I told you we should keep the distance to it, and you did.. but you wanted soooo much to go over to the elk...
I loved taking you for swims, seeing you eager and excited to go after rocks and sticks in the water. And you would be so focused on the task of retrieving the sticks to the shore, and so proud... And then you would chew the sticks to pieces, and then run to the water for more action. You loved the splash of me throwing rocks in the water and you would dive in and just swim and swim, I miss that so much!
I loved having you by my side for horsewalks, and seeing you stroll around the stable area with your dog friends. You always knew where to go and what to do, you knew my routine and you were always by my side. And you would be abit impatient when i did my training, and you would lay down in the middle of the arena, so you could watch what i was doing, and when i was done you would get up and sprint around... then it was your time to run and have fun. You got my gloves and you ran around shaking them, it was your routine... and i Loved it!! Then you would usually chew of a finger of the gloves so they were useless to me, but i didnt mind it, and i was never angry for it, I wanted you to have the fun... lol, i dont know how many gloves we went through...
I loved having you by my side for all we did, I loved when you slept and i would snuggle close to you and hug you, and i would often fall asleep next to you on the floor. I miss your breathing next to me, feeling the rise of your chest...
I miss waking up in the mornings and see straight into your face, you used to go close to my face to wake me up, never ever did you say anything, but you were so close i could feel your breath... and you were so patient, and when i started to wake I could feel your tail wagging, and i saw your happy excited face <3 I miss that so much!
5 weeks.. i cant wrap my head around it... I cant believe you not here...
I love you so much Ludwig!
I miss you more and more...
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judylinn

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Reply with quote  #70 
Dear Bibbi..that was how I felt about Maddie..I took joy in making her happy...Sending you love...Judylinn
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Bibbi

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Reply with quote  #71 
Thank you Judylinn.
I look at your avatar pic of Maddie, and she is so beautiful, and i see that familiar looks in her eyes... I hope she has met my Ludwig and that they are together, existing somewhere, waiting for us. I know my Ludwig would be such a gentleman to her if they are together, and just go along with whatever idea she would come up with...
I am so depressed without him, and lately I have been thinking alot about all the crualty towards all kind of animals all around the world, and its a constant... it happens all the time, and its just so unreal. As you said, you took joy in making her happy, thats what i did too... That was my purpose in life. I am grateful that I tried to make Ludwig's life as good as I could, and I hope you feel the same..
It is so empty now.
Hugs to you Judylinn.
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Bibbi

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Reply with quote  #72 
Oh my beloved Ludwig, its thursday and its 6 weeks since i kissed you goodbye.
I miss you endlessly, every day, every hour and every second... It feels like yesterday still; when i close my eyes i feel your fur, your nose and your breath... i feel your soul close... I would do anything to have you back in my arms! I hope you are doing fine and that you are not saddened by my grief, i hope you are not worried for me, and i hope you understand that its my love for you that causes me to be in this darkness. Its my ego, i know, for my soul still feels you close. Please stay as close as you can - I am open to your energy.
Thank you for being close, and thank you for being in my dreams - and you will remain in my heart forever and in my mind always. I love you so much, and i keep reminding myself that surviving another day means I am one day closer to meet you again! I cant wait till i meet you again, that we will be united once more, and i will never ever let you go again...
I have a feeling you have already met all my beloved ones, and that you are all united and waiting for me. I love you all, and i feel your love and concern for me; I am doing my best so please dont worry, and take care of eachother for me. I am forever grateful for having you all in my life!

I love you forever and ever Ludwig <3
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Bibbi

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Reply with quote  #73 
7 weeks since i last held you.... and im struggling, but trying my best. Each day is a day closer to being with you again, I keep holding on to the hope that we will be reunited again; that is what keeps me going through the day.
I see no meaning in anything, i only exist. I eat and sleep, but I have nothing inside of me anymore, there is darkness and numbness and a deep deep longing to be with you again. I want to sleep and then just sleep some more, atleast in my dreams i have you near. I miss you endlessly.
Sending you all my love and 1000 kisses, and see you again in my dreams.

Love you forever and ever <3
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Bibbi

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Reply with quote  #74 
I miss you so deeply. Every day, every hour and every second.
I meet you in my dreams, and you are happy, healthy and young again. I love to spend time with you in my dreams, even though I am aware that Im dreaming. I can feel when I am about to wake up, and I dont want to leave you in my dreams, I want to stay and just BE with you... Its like my mind is tricking me to think I am in another dimension with you, and its real.. we are together. I dont care if its a trick, I am just happy to meet you, please stay in my dreams... I love you, and i miss you immensly and I keep you safe forever in my heart <3
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Custy

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Reply with quote  #75 
Hi Bibbi
I read your post and your words touched my broken heart so much. I haven't been on too much lately because its hurts so much relating to all the posts but I guess I'm meant to hear these words to heal. Today Oct 20th is 4 months since my Rebel of 15 years has gone over the Rainbow Bridge. I can't focus on my life because I'm so empty inside without my best friend. I see him in my dreams and I know he is pain free and his hind legs are good again to run and play. I free abandoned.I talk to him every day and night.
kiss his ashes and paw print every morning and night. his bed is still next to me on the floor with his pillow. When I look around his hair that I would vacuum up, his bowls and food not there then I say it's like he was never here but I know in my heart that he will always be with me. I just want him back and I know that's not reality. I do believe that we will see our beloved pets again but in the meantime the pain is unbearable. My husband doesn't really understand the loneliness I feel.I always took pride in my house and loved the holidays, now I don't have any ambition for anything or care. When he first was gone I did see a red cardinal twice in my yard and I knew he was here visiting and told me he was ok and he wants me to be ok but I can't be because I miss him so much. I have had other dogs that I cherished and they passed over the bridge and I grieved but Rebel has taken a tremendous toll on me. He came into my life when things were not so good and won my love over time and became my shadow when I retired. We rescued him.
I am so sorry for your lost Bibbi I'd guess we are not alone in loss. I wish we could have a little more time with them and I think that I maybe could of done something different to have him longer but it seemed so quick. Truly heartbroken
Custy

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Colleen Allis

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