Miss_my_girl1
I adopted my sweet Maddie in 2007 and never thought the connection I ended up having with her was possible.  On August 4th I had to say goodbye and I am devastated!  I have cried every day for the past two weeks. I hate coming home because I know I'm not going to see that beautiful face and feel the love. I thought getting her ashes back would give comfort but it didn't.  I can't make myself realize that she is in that little box. My chest hurts all day everyday now. I have never hurt so bad in my life, I have lost many people in my life but this pain is awful.  I was blessed to be Maddie's momma for 10 years, she gave me so much without knowing it. Most people around me don't understand the loss and the pain or they feel I should be over it, it's not like I want to feel this awful but I don't have an on/off button.  I knew this would be very hard, she had health problems for nearly 3 years and I honestly think she held on those extra 3 years for my sake. I would give anything to have my baby girl back.  I will always love and miss her but I also want peace so that I can remember all of the good stuff and not the day she left this world. :(
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Trixie81417
Hi,

I'm so sorry you lost your kitty. I know it's the worst feeling ever as I lost mine this past Monday. She was my baby for almost 16 years and my heart is so broken. It's so hard coming home knowing that they won't be there waiting for you to come home. I have picked up shifts at work the past few days just to avoid coming home.

It really helps to be out of the house whether it be with friends, at work, shopping, or doing whatever to keep your mind straight. About the ashes, you may find that it gives you comfort with time. It may hurt now (as it does for me) but just today I realized how glad I was to have a memorial for her. Some physical part of her will always be with you although it is not the same.

This forum provides so much support so don't get caught up in the people who don't understand. My mom keeps telling me the same thing, that I shouldn't be this upset (even though it's only been 3 days), but she doesn't understand how attached I was to my baby girl. Not having my furry baby to snuggle with at night makes it so hard to fall asleep.

Grieving our kitties is going to be a long process but we will get through it and the way I'm trying to think about it is that the years and years of unconditional love we had with them is something that can never be taken away from us. We were so lucky to have something that made it so hard to say goodbye.
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Miss_my_girl1
Thank you for your kind words, I guess I forgot to mention my Maddie is a dog. Beagle/Doxie mix.  She was so special to me, she was my rock through cancer and a divorce plus many other things in life. 
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Mistysmama
Sweetheart I am SO sorry for the loss of your dear Maddie. Believe me I do know what that is like.

But please also try to believe me when I say Your Maddie is not in that box of ashes. I would not have known such a thing if my own girl Misty hadn't shown me so clearly that they do live on. They do go to the afterlife, and they do still keep a loving connection with those they dearly love. It might seem far away for us, or even not believeable. But my own dog showed me it is true (even though I had a skeptical nature!)
A dog showed me what a lot of scientists have no clue about, and what a lot of religions deny! Just a dog -hey?
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Miss_my_girl1
Thank you so much! I actually do believe there is afterlife, I have always felt my dad around me...sometimes stronger than other and I thought I would still feel Maddie but I feel nothing but loss.  I would give anything to know she is okay, and still with me in a sense. This has been the longest two weeks of my life and the pain hasn't eased at all.  I start having panic attacks when driving home from work because I know I am going to walk through the door and no Maddie.  Every day for 10 years I had that love and excitement.  She was a gift to me, my son said he has never seen a dog have the same personality as a person (me) and it's true.  Most people around are tired of seeing me cry but I live alone and she was all I had at home.  I am hoping chatting here will help me know that I am not crazy or alone in feeling like this.  10years.jpg 
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LUCYLULU

Oh Miss My Girl~  

I am so very, very sorry. Maddie is such a little cutie...love her butterscotch colors & creamy paws...and her ears with the curl at the end. Her big brown eyes are so wonderful. Thank you for posting her picture. I understand the pain of losing your baby and not wanting to go home. After my Lucy passed @ 14.3 y/o, I worked extra hours just so I wouldn't have to go home. Once home, I was like a beached whale on the couch or the bed...where I would cry & think of nothing but Lucy. My head hurt. My gut hurt. Your loss is so new & so raw. The pain is unbearable. Your chest hearts...every fibre of your being hurts...your heart hurts. 

Right now, please know that we are all here because we lost our heart & soul furry best friend. The empty, hollow feelings are real because you miss Maddie so much. Please go one day at a time. Some days, it's just about getting through the day or even getting through each hour/each minute. It's that fierce. The upset is that deep. I know it doesn't feel like anything will ever get better. It will. From my experience, it took much time. But finding this forum is a gift. I believe our babies helped us-- guided us to this place of compassion & healing. Please try & come here as often as you can. And please keep talking to Maddie-- aloud in the house or in the car. She's with you. She loves you forever. Maybe not now-- but when you can-- ask for & watch for little signs. It might be finding one of her toys lost long ago, or hearing a windchime, or seeing a dragonfly, a feather, a red or beige cardinal or even a special cloud in the sky.  It could be anything at all. But if it beings you a moment, a single moment in all of your pain when you can take an actual breath, it may help you to feel & to know that Maddie is with you. Yes, she may be over the Rainbow Bridge with her new friends. But she is also watching over you. Your loving bond is too strong to just end.

Again I am very sorry. Day to day...please be kind to yourself.

Big hugs,
Kasey 

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catman13
I can relate to your pain.  I had to put my cat asleep last week and it hurts.  I'm having to get accustomed to coming home without him greeting me at the door.  All you can do is take one day at time.  You have to believe that you have her physical remains. Her spirit is still there along with the love for you that she took with her.

Sending good wishes your way!
Rodney Lee
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LuckyLouWho23
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate to everything that you are saying. My chest physically hurts. The pain is unbearable some nights, and other days it's in the mornings. I just feel like the pain will never go away. I don't sleep much either. I think about Popcorn a lot, but I also worry about my daughter. She trying to hide her tears. I told her that she can talk to me anytime she wants to, but she said it only makes her even more sad. I decided to get her professional help. I just think it's the only way to help her through this. I might even talk to the person myself, but I feel like I have to put her first. This is not going to take away your pain, but I have found that it helps if I write down how I am feeling. I write on here. I also write notes to Popcorn. I started with the day he died, even though I wasn't here, even though I didn't find out he died until two days later. Once again I am so sorry about what you are going through.
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Miss_my_girl1
Thank you all so very much.  This morning has been very tough, I have cried most of the morning.  I feel like I am dying right now as I type this.  I did go to see a professional and was assured everyone grieves differently and in their own time.  I always tell her goodbye when I leave for work everyday and it's painful but not as painful as when I come home and tell her I'm home even though I know she's not there to whimper and jump to greet me, I cry for a couple of hours at least and just lay on the couch until it's time to go to bed.  Last week I did write Maddie a poem so I thought I would share, it's short and sweet -

A beautiful face with a beautiful soul
without you my sweet girl life has a hole
Unconditional love will never go away
I wish I could hold you every single day
To let you go has broken my heart but it
was with the same love I had from the start
Know that I will love you to the end and
I can't wait until we meet again
I love you my sweet Madds <3

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LisaAndy
I feel the same way, I had my dog 2007-2017 as well. 10 great years, now at home all I do is cry and I can't sleep.

I hate being home, I do nothing and just cry. I am going to force myself to go somewhere later today but yesterday I sat home all day.

It has been 4 weeks today and my pain has not eased at all, in fact I think I'm worse.

I really don't know what to do with myself but I'm eating like crap.

I am very sorry for your loss, I see you feel the same as me, my friends and family don't get it.
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Bono1983
She was adorable. Sorry for your loss! Hugs
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Miss_my_girl1
I am so sorry you are going through this as well.  It is just awful!
Maddie has been gone for 23 days and I can't stop thinking about her.  Last weekend I hit rock bottom and thought I was going to crash and burn.  This week has been a tiny and I mean tiny bet better however today I ran a few errands and when I came home I started crying.  Most people can't understand why we feel this way, even some that have lost a pet but I won't let anyone tell me how long I need to grieve.  They tried and I think the anger part of my grief came out.  It does make things better to get out some, I had to force myself although I would have a panic attack when it was time to go home.  I know Madds always knew when I was upset and would just sit by me and be there so I am trying to make myself believe that she wouldn't want me to be this sad but it's hard :(

Try to take care of yourself, I know it's hard...I'm eating like crap too and that isn't helping matters any.  Hugs to you
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