Boomer
Hi everyone, I had to make a difficult decision on Friday and I just need to be reassured it was the correct one.  Friday I was taking a shower when he banged the door open and threw up in the bathroom. No big deal, I dried off and cleaned it up.  He began throwing up all over the house and I thought maybe his tummy was just upset.  I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he became really happy.  We went for a walk and he was happy go lucky but its when we came back things went south.  He began to be very weak, out of breath, and his body temperature was cold to the touch.  I monitored him and became very concerned when I told him to lay down and he fell down.  I took him to the vet and they immediately did stomach x-rays/ultrasound.  They couldn't see anything and wanted to put a needle in his stomach to make sure there was no blood in it.....there was.  He was in shock and was having a hard time breathing.  They said it's most likely a tumor had ruptured in his body and they couldn't find out until they opened him up and removed his spleen.  They stated it could be 1 mass or could be several that were cancerous and on his vital organs.  I could not obviously get a 2nd opinion as my dog was bleeding internally.  They said if its cancer and spread, it would be very aggressive and maybe he would have 4-6 months of a not so good quality of life if surviving the operation.  If it wasn't, maybe it's just a mass and it just had to removed and all good to go.  I had to make the worst decision of my entire life.  I couldn't see him go through the surgery and suffer.  They laid blankets down on the floor and brought him in.  He was helpless.  He only laid on his stomach, he was looking around not knowing what anything was, and worst of all i'm not sure if he recognized me.  The Vet told me to take as long as I wanted with him but please note that he was bleeding internally.  I wanted to spend hours with him, but I knew he was suffering.  I spent 30 minutes to an hour with me before I rang the bell.  The doctor came in with 4 syringes and I held my baby and she started injecting him.  I hope nobody has to go through what I did.  I just need to know that I made the right decision.  What if it was just a simple mass they could have removed and he was good till 13-14 years old?  I'm having a very difficult time right now.  Although I have a girlfriend, I live in a large home by myself where it was just my dog and I.  I feel so alone and lost.  My entire routine is sabotaged.  My pitbull was so loving and clingy and I liked every second of it.  I'm gone almost 9 hours for work everyday but I have a wonderful father who worked on the road everyday and stopped in on his lunch break to feed him, play with him, and take him outside.  I loved driving home from work and pulling into my driveway to see my buddy looking at the front windows and disappear when I opened the garage door.  I would leave the house for 5 minutes to get gas and come home with him sitting next to the door and cry and wiggle his behind when I came in as if I was gone for a week.  I've been with Boomer for 10 1/2 years.  He was picked up in a park where he was beaten and left for dead then brought to an animal shelter.  He was potty trained in a week and never destroyed anything in the house.  I had a sense that he appreciated what I did for him so much that he could do no wrong.  I'm just having a very difficult time with this.  I've just been laying down all day and tomorrow I return to work.  I know I will fine at work but its the ride home that has me concerned.  I have nothing to look forward to when I get home.  No more love from such a loving animal when I open the door.  I never speed on the way home, but I'm so excited even after 10 1/2 years to get home and see him.  I have nothing now.  I don't know what to do, someone help please.
Quote 0 0
Mistysmama
Oh my heart goes out to you! I do know what you've been through with Boomer. My dog was also my sole companion, and we were very very close.

My opinion? You made the right decision. And the reason I think that is because this sounds much like it was Hemangiosarcoma. It causes massive internal bleeding, is highly aggressive, and the prognosis is usually bad. From what you described, it sounds like it was.
My dog passed from Hemangiosarcoma. In her case we got a little warning, and things were not as violent at the end as with Boomer. And I was not so shocked as you must be right now. You had no warning.
But the nature of this disease is it seems to strike them out of the blue. Often, a dog can seem just fine one moment, and within an hour or two can be dying. It is typical that he was ready for a walk.
My Misty survived her first internal bleed, because, according to the vet -it was a 'slow bleed'. Dogs who get these can have a little more time. My vet said their quality of life can be quite good in-between 'slow bleeds'. But they do not last long.
However, she had a sudden massive internal bleed and was already dying. To hasten that I had her put to sleep. June 5 last year.

Yes, even with Hemangiosarcoma, the spleen can be removed. But if it has spread to liver, or even brain or heart, then removing the spleen will not help, and will only give the dog more suffering.
My girl couldn't have her spleen removed as she had tumors also on the liver, and 3 subcutaneous ones as well. Surgery wouldn't save her.

This is a cruel cancer. It often gives no warning, or time to prepare. And once it is discovered (as it is a cancer of blood vessels) it's often spread all round the body before it's discovered.

So yes, I do think you did the right thing.
Bless you.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
Quote 0 0
Vickye
I am so sorry about Boomer. It is so hard to lose one you love so much. My little furbaby died not from
the same thing but suddenly, also. It is always the right decision to end suffering.
Please accept my deepest sympathy,

Vicky (Cosette's mom)
Quote 0 0
RocksMommy
I am so sorry to hear of what u & Boomer went thru! By what ive read about his medical condition, it seams that you made the only loving choice for him that could be made. I wish i had a clearcut way to no if i was right or too hasty when i made the choice to not let the love of my life suffer. Im still searching for the answers (i even went to vets office to ask them) i am not functioning,i cant get a grip, & i cannot breathe without my baby Rock. It was love at first site! There was something special about him! Even though i loved my other 2 dogs, there was just something different with Rock! He slept with me from the day we got him for the next 13yrs. I havnt worked due to being disabled since he was 3. If i had an appt that he couldnt go to a family member babysat. Otherwise, he went everywhere with me. Even to other rooms in the house. If he couldnt see me he wined. Needless to say i had no alone bathroom time. I didnt mind any of it! Every one thought i revoled my life around Rock & didnt quite understand but i would hav done anything for him. My family knows how much Rock meant to me so they are helpfull & understanding as possible. Iv fallen into a depression that i dont feel i will ever come out of.
Quote 0 0
heartsick

 

 

I am so very sorry for the loss of your  sweet precious Boomer.

Grief is awful and there is nothing else like this pain.

I am divorced - when I was married I buried my son- at that time I became a Certified Grief Counselor- I used the same graveside service for my Bear as I did for my son.

Please know that when we lose someone we love we don't stop loving them -

 LOVE NEVER DIES.

The soul bound connection that is between our babies and ourselves is forever.

Nothing - not death- tears -grief - or sadness will ever break the ties between us for those ties are made of LOVE so strong that NOTHING will ever sever those connections.

Boomer most definitely knows that you love him and she loves you the same.

LOVE NEVER DIES.

When we grieve for those we love it is because we do not quite know how to live without them. We breathe because we have no choice but the living part takes a huge amount of learning and time.

Grief is not something we get over but something that we learn -slowly- over time- to incorporate into our lives until it becomes a part of us like our bones and our breath.

My Bear is my whole world and my life and my soul. We curled up together for a nap and only I woke up.
Obviously this was quite different from your trauma but is was quite sudden and shocking too. My Bear was 14. I too could not bring myself to go into the house when I got home. It didn't matter from where I was coming I would sit in the driveway in the car and often fell asleep sitting in the driveway trying to bring myself to go inside. Bear and I were never apart from his first kiss on my nose he gave me when he was 8 weeks old. I was exhausted all of the time since I could not sleep without him - which is why I think I fell asleep in the driveway. It is so very difficult when all we lived for was to spend time with our babies and then we have to come home to a house without them.
Mistysmama is right and the one thing you said that made me certain is that he was cold to the touch. That is a very common pre-death occurrence. The fact that sweet Boomer didn't even know you and was so very confused is another sign. Also no vet would  recommend anything that can never be undone with out believing that medically it was the kindest thing to do. Vets care about and love their patients and do not like to PTS someone's beloved baby. We all "what if" ourselves when something happens out of the blue. I still miss Bear everyday and talk to him all of the time. Time will make things easier - not better exactly - just a little easier.

Please know that we all understand here and we are all here for you.

We are all in this together and all walking the same roller coaster path of grief together -

some a bit ahead of you, some by your side, and some will come behind for you to help along.

Please come back and share  more of your life with Boomer with  us so we can get to know him better through you. You can come here when you get home from work and just write whatever you are feeling. It will help you to get your feelings out and we will all be here for you. If you don't feel like writing here you can write a journal of your feelings. I always found that the friends and community here helped me so much more than being even more isolated by writing alone at home. I did that too but because we are a community and we all care for each other it may help you to know that everything you are feeling is normal grief.

Please know I am thinking of you and Boomer  and the Love you share and will always share and I will always be here for you, as will we all.

You Are In My Heart and Thoughts.                                       

Susan(heartsick)

 

 

Quote 0 0
Boomer
Thank you everyone for all the kind words and help.  I knew there would come a day when my buddy crossed the Rainbow Bridge, I just wasn't ready for it to be all of a sudden.  I was only 17 when I got him, and now 27.  The most difficult part i'm having is my life revolving around him.  Some people may never understand and I always would hear them say "Well if you get a dog you can't go on vacation ect."  I never responded or gave an opinion because I was okay with that.  I was okay with the fact that my life couldn't be spontaneous.  I knew I couldn't always be away and I was okay with that.  My dad would watch him and stay at my house when I had something out of town and he loved doing so.  I would always ditch after work activities and made sure I left work at exactly the time I was suppose to so my buddy could be tend too.  I liked this lifestyle because frankly I enjoyed his company more than most humans.  I just liked going home and laying on the floor with him and giving him scratches.  I loved seeing him so happy when we would go for a walk every night.  I would always watch TV and annoy him because every commercial I would crawl over to his couch and wake him up by giving him kisses.  I just don't know what to do.  He was never sick, he never touched anything or destroyed anything he wasn't suppose to.  Part of me wants to rescue another pitbull.  But I don't know if I'm making too fast of a decision.  I don't even know if I should consider because of my lifestyle.  I'm gone from 6:30-4:30 Mon-Friday.  My dad would stop at lunch everyday at noon from work.  I just don't know if that's fair for a puppy...I'm also afraid that I would have a hard time accepting a new dog.  Boomer has set my bar so high and i'm just afraid of my feelings if he wouldn't do the same things as Boomer did.  I just dont know.
Quote 0 0
smkovalinsky
I am so sorry for what you had to go through with Boomer.  You did the kindest thing:  He would have suffered terribly .  I went through almost the same thing last Tuesday night with my 11 year old American Eskimo dog:  I thought his arthritis needed some help and took him to the clinic:  He collapsed there and had spiking fevers and tests revealed spleen and liver tumors.  I had to put him down and I felt I was in a nightmare:  I foolishly had told myself he would live to 18!!!  I took for granted that we had a long road ahead.........I feel like you do:  I want to adopt another  dog,  but wonder if I can bear to.  My dog was also my best friend,  my shadow,  my partner.    I think what is needed is time to grieve first before adopting another.  Please know Boomer loves you, and that we all understand here.  
Quote 0 0
Boomer
Thank you for your kind reply.  I'm also sorry to hear about your dog.  It's very calming knowing that someone else went through something very very similar to me.  Today was the first day I came home from work not being greeted by my baby :(  and it hurt.  I've decided I'm going to take some time and see if "being alone" is what I really want.
Quote 0 0
Mistysmama
The first few days are like a bad dream, Boomer. We panic sometimes, and cannot bear to be without the greeting wag, the friendship, the things we shared -with the one who has passed. We get terribly afraid of grieving. So replacement can seem like the answer. Well, it is for some. They can learn to love again very quickly. And for others, they can't for some reason. I'm one of those.
It is very difficult to know what's best, so the best thing is follow your deepest feelings and your instinct. There is no easy solution, no 'fix' to grief. It's just something we have to go through because we loved.
I agree though, it's often best to go through our grieving without too many distractions, and then, when we have started to heal a little, we can make more balanced choices about whether to get another companion or not.
I still can't, after nearly 14 months.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
Quote 0 0
loveme3
Hi I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I had to put the love of my life to sleep in April and I wanted to die with him it was so painful. I know you made the right decision it was out of love for your dog that you did what you had to do. Your Buddy was older and had a great life with you.That is such a blessing you gave him. I truly believe you made the right choice. Hopefully in time you will feel Buddy around you and know you haven't lost him completely. Take time and be kind to yourself and let people in to give you comfort. My prayers are with you. Lori
lori
Quote 0 0
PeteyLover
Oh Boomer, I'm so sorry. I can relate though. I lost my little boy of 16 yrs on May 13th and am still struggling so much. I am also thinking of rescuing another dog, but am so afraid I'm not really ready yet. This is the first time I've been without dogs in 50 years. I've lost many dogs and each has taken a piece of my heart. This little guy was the last of a group of 4 and loosing him has broken me. I also have a lot of guilt, but I think we all do somewhat. I'm having a problem moving on. I know I will not last a long long time without a dog, but I think getting one before I know I'm ready would not be fair to another dog. I totally understand about not being able to do a lot of things or being spontaneous. It's not all its cracked up to be. I'd give anything to have my little Petey back and not have the freedom of a dogless house again. Hang in there, your not alone.
Quote 0 0