It all happened so fast. My poor baby, Zeina, was such a healthy and happy kitty, then a few days ago she chewed on a pain pill that I had dropped by mistake and didn't realize was on the floor.
The next morning I wake up and see the chewed tablet. I confirm with poison control that the substance can be toxic to cats, so I immediately rush her to the pet ER and have her hospitalized. She was doing so well and was set to be discharged two days later, but then I got a call on the eve of her discharge from the doctor saying that her kidney values were suddenly very bad. My worst fears were confirmed.
My choices were either intensive treatment for 24 hours with fluid therapy and a food tube to give her a chance of fighting back, or dialysis which would have taken three weeks and would have cost me at least $20,000-$30,000. The dialysis was the better option but the survival rate was only about 50% chance of her surviving and even less that she would survive without permanent kidney damage. I took the first option because I couldn't afford the dialysis, and because I didn't want to put my poor anxious cat through three weeks of painful therapy. I just wanted her to come home.
I talked to a number of doctors and vets who said that if her numbers improved after the therapy, she would survive, but if they didn't, there was little hope. The 24 hours after I put her into intensive therapy were so painful for me. I had trouble sleeping, all I could do was think of her and pray that she would be strong enough to make it through. I told some family and friends and they were all rooting for her too. Unfortunately last night I got a call and it was bad news. She was doing a bit better, but not enough to signify a recovery. Her kidneys would soon fail after taking her off fluids.
I was so devastated. I gathered some of her favorite things, including her bed, her teddy bear, and her favorite food ball. Just picking them up made me break down thinking of how I had failed her, failed to save her and bring her home. She was such an anxious kitty, but she would always light up when she was with me at home. I just wanted to relive that at least one more time.
I visited her at the ER in a visiting room and I was horrified. The poor thing had been through so much, she looked tired and disoriented. She had food and fluids on her cheeks. What had I done to her? I just wanted to save her.
It made the decision to put her down a little easier, but reliving the moment of her dying in my arms is so horrifying. I was losing my best friend and there was nothing I could do. I miss her so much. I miss her purring, I miss her cuddles, I miss her sitting on my lap while I played video games, I miss her cute meows and her complaining for more food. I miss everything, and I feel so guilty for everything I had put her through.
Here is my baby Zeina before her intensive treatment, it's how I want to remember her.
I love you so much and I hope you're waiting for me at the rainbow bridge.
I don't know if I will be strong enough to adopt another pet, the pain is so much and I feel so guilty. Thank you for reading this, it helps to talk about it a little bit.