MargieMarez
Today for the first time I cried and sobbed for Crystal Dior. I can't get it out of my mind that it was my fault she died. I recently realized she was giving me signs that she was really sick. I heard a cat meowing and it sounded like it was coming from outside, but I now believe she was crying out for help and I didn't know it. Some may think she had an easy death, they think she died in her sleep, but I think she was in a lot of pain before she died and it was really hard on her. If I was only more aware of her trouble I could possibly helped her go easier. It was really a tragic passing. She didn't deserve to die that way. I love and miss Crystal Dior so much and it finally all caught up with me. I'm feeling especially sad today.
Margie
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CKMP
Margie
Please be kind to yourself.  I am so so sorry you are having an especially rough time today.  Grief is like this - it comes and goes in waves.  Just when we think all is ok and we are handling this, something will trigger a torrent of tears and self-doubt.  Guilt is an especially tough emotion to push aside.  I too am still dealing with this one!  We place all the responsibility on our shoulders when we take on the care of and love for a special one.  We then punish ourselves consistently by re-playing the should haves, would haves and could haves . . . none of which are in our control really.  Not one of us whats our special companion to suffer one more minute than they might . . . and all of us somehow believe if only we could turn back time and do things differently the outcome would be different as well.  You worry and punish yourself for taking too much time while I am an example of the opposite - worrying and punishing myself for maybe making decisions too quickly robbing my gone girl of time . . . We are damned by ourselves if we do and damned by ourselves if we don't.  The love you shared with Crystal Dior would ensure you made the right decisions given the information and understanding you had. . . you would never, ever willfully prolong any pain and discomfort.  Animals are far more  'realistic' [not sure this is the right word???] about death.  They live in the moment for the moment and when death approaches intuitively know where they are going - no fear, no regrets no longings - they are able to withdraw into themselves and do what is critical and necessary for that next step into that next adventure.  We really at the most basic level do not control this - although we convince ourselves that we do and somehow should.   I know the longing you have for her physical presence and for the opportunity to do things differently perhaps, I too long for the same in my own situation.  The reality is though, that our friends have not departed from us with any malice, any blame or any accusations of what we did or did not do.  They remain with us in spirit and soul carrying the same unconditional love they had for us always.  She is there with you Margie, talk to her - tell her what you feel and think - Crystal Dior will somehow answer you, I have to believe this.  Tears fall as symbols of that love, and bond between you and her.  It is the grief you feel today and must deal with in the day - otherwise grief has a 'nasty' habit of building and building and coming into another day with a vengeance.  I wish there were 'magic words' to soothe and take away all the hurt, the self-doubt and the questions . . .  I just know it helps if we are not working through this journey alone.  Thoughts are with you . . . 
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MargieMarez
Thank you for all the caring things you said. It helps to know that there are people out there who understand how I feel. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Margie
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CKMP
No thanks needed Margie,
This is what we all need - is to know someone also understands because of similar experiences and to know we are not alone.  
Our special ones teach us much - and perhaps the legacy is to pay it forward when we can . . .  
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CK1991
Yes CKMP, I agree.
Margie, if you knew your cat was suffering you would have helped her but sometimes it's impossible to know. One thing is certain. Your sweet Crystal Dior knew how much you loved her and that means so much. My sincere condolences on your loss!
CK
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Tazers_Daddy
I agree with the others, if you knew her kitty was suffering you would have done all you could to help. I think when we are left behind like this we naturally feel guilt and wonder what we could have done, what signs did we miss?

None of this helps, I can only talk for what has helped me and that has been thinking about the wonderful life we had together and how the wonderful years of pampering and love should not be cancelled by how things ended. 

Please take solace in the life you had together and allow yourself this time to grieve, adding guilt to that will only makes things worse. 

I know it hurts and I know you cant see it at the moment, but things do get better. 

Sending love and healing.

Tazers Daddy
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