I have not entered this website in 9 years, after the loss of my beloved Lucky when I was 13 years old.  Grieving him was harder than I ever imagined. I came to this site often for support and help and it helped me tremendously.  After getting a puppy a month later, I told my parents I wasn't ready yet.  I was angry at this puppy for a long time... she bit, she scratched, she barked, she was so naughty and I just wanted my Lucky back.  It wasn't until months later that I accepted her.
9 years later, Kaycee has became my very best friend.  She has turned into a remarkable dog... one that is so special I cannot even put into words.  She has exceeded all expectations of what I hoped for.  She has shown me what it felt like to be loved unconditionally. 
But I never thought I would be back on here again so soon.  And it hurts my heart to have to type this.
Last night we got the terrible news that she was diagnosed with lymphoma and mass cell tumors.  The vet doesn't give her long.  And I am so scared.  She is so special to me and I can't imagine a world without her. I don't know what to do...  she seems great right now.  That's what makes it hard.  She still playful and runs and eats... you wouldn't think there is anything wrong.  How can her life be taken so soon when she appears so healthy?
I am trying to mentally prepare myself for her time.  Even though I am still in shock and can't fully grasp this concept of being without her yet, I know the time will come.  The thing that's a bit different about this situation, is that I'm a vet tech at HER vet.  To have to go to work now, and especially after it's her time, is going to be absolutely heart wrenching. 
I don't know how to cope with this.  I remember the last time... and how long it took me to stop crying.  How I would spend days feeling half sick I was so sad. How I slept with his picture for months.  I was angry, sad, guilty, lost, alone.  It took me so long to feel normal again.  I am so scared for that.  I remember the pain being unbearable.  I am afraid I am not strong enough to go through this again.  Not with Kaycee.  I love her too much.
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Hi Kate,
I came across this site for the same reasons you did, I just had to put my six year old English Bulldog to sleep on 2/17 so unexpectedly and my heart is in a million pieces. Are you doing any better?
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Jacque wrote:
Hi Kate, I came across this site for the same reasons you did, I just had to put my six year old English Bulldog to sleep on 2/17 so unexpectedly and my heart is in a million pieces. Are you doing any better?

Hi Jacque,
So sorry for your unexpected loss.  I can't imagine the pain you are going through.  How are you holding up?   As for me, Kaycee has been going down hill this past week.  The talk of euthanasia is become a more common word in our house and I'm terrified.  She hasn't been eating the past couple of days :(
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I send you e-hugs! My 18-year old cat (adopted her 11 years ago) is dying of lymphoma, but she is acting normal on the steroids. She doesn't have much time, either.

You can make it through this by focusing on keeping Kaycee as happy and comfortable as possible, and allowing yourself to accept that everything passes. I started down the whole Buddhist non-attachment thing a couple of months ago, and man, this has put me to the test. But it really is helpful to feel that peace of mind that every moment, while fleeting, is precious and filled with beauty, even when things seem their worst. For instance, you have memories of your dog, and you still have her. Those are beautiful things. I'm not writing this very well and it probably sounds a bit ham-fisted but I hope you get my gist. Compassion and oneness, and I am wishing you peace. 
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Sorry for that loss..
It is very hard to recover especially if your dog is very close to you.Accept now the truth and I know he's now in good and better to let him go and don't be too sad because he don't want it to happened for you when he says goodbye..
Thanks.. Send a hug for everyone
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