bearsmama4ever
I had to put my dog, Bear, to sleep on 8-1-2016...just 2 days after my birthday... she'd bitten my son on the arm bad enough that my father called cps. I was a bad dog owner. She wasn't house broken, up to date on shots... socialized with strangers or animals...and was accustomed to living indoors with me. I feel so weighed down with guilt bc i didn't fight harder for Bear, and if I had trained her sooner, or better, or even know how headstrong pitbull breeds were... i would've been able to avoid this... i feel like I killed my best friend...i essentially did. Because of my failures to fight my husband harder to provide Bear with the basic trainings, I had to euthanize the only living creature i have connected with. Does this anguish and guilt ever lessen? It's been 18 days, and it still hurts just as badly, if not more, as the day she passed. I may have been a bad owner...but ooh how I loved her and relied on her. She got me out of my house every day for her walks... If I got too sad or spent too much time on my phone, she'd bring me her stuffed Tigger and act silly until I threw it and laughed. She was always waiting at the front door when Id walk in... at night, she'd walk from room to room touching each person with her nose as if to check on them before coming and letting me hug her and then she'd lay down in her bed in the corner of my room. If I got depressed...she'd lay her head on my lap and wag her tail and stare at me as if to say "I'm here for you, mama". Until she died...I hadn't been alone a single day in years. I always had my kids, and then I had Bear. My kids are staying with my parents for now...and now I'm having to adjust to being in my house alone 99% of the time... as well as adjust to my best friend being gone. It really hit me today that Bear is really truly gone, and not coming back. I picked up her ashes today... i had to open the box and take out the bag containing her ashes for it to really sink in that this is what's left of what was once a hyper vibrant loving dog...I'm never going to see my Bear Bear again... and its the worse pain imaginable...

She came to me in a dream a couple nights ago... i had cried myself to sleep wanting so badly to kiss her head just one more time..hug her neck just one more time... i woke up in my dream, and she was sitting next my bed, solid as a rock. I kissed her and hugged her over and over and when I looked in her eyes, I got a feeling that Bear would be with me when i woke up... that comforts me.... but what I wouldn't give to touch her one more time and tell her how sorry I am, and how much I love her, and how much she means to me...

I love you, Bear. Forever and Always.
Mama
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camunki
Mama, so sorry for the loss of your Bear, and that dream was a visit from your Bear saying that she is ok! she is in the safe place called the Rainbow Bridge...Adding guilt into the equation doesn't help with the healing process. I always say its a learning process...i took guilt into the equation from my last pet Munki, and i know next time if i think there is a problem, i will bring her to the vet, i blamed myself for not taking her to the vet sooner and having a radiograph when the vet recommeneded this, I just thought that she was ok....eventually months later she was not ok,(would it have "saved" her if i did take her in for a Radiograph? i don't know, but at least if i tried i would have known back then) i did what i thought was right at the time. As for your Pittie, i own a rescued pitbull also, and yes, they do need socialization and schooling, so maybe if you do have another pet down the road, make sure to take the pet to school and have him/her well socialized............with that being said.... I beleive you did what you wanted to do at the time, never thinking that your Bear would ever bite anyone, even your son.  My thoughts and prayers go your way, and keep posting it truly helps and takes away that alone feeling.

Cam


 
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MunchkinMommy
Bearsmama,

I'm sorry for your loss. It's a tough situation to have been in. But this much is true, you loved and still love Bear and we are ALL human. You weren't perfect but I believe that our love for most of us, our love is perfect. You will probably feel guilt for awhile. I felt guilty and kept replaying my tragedy and mistakes over and over again, that I truly wanted to punish myself with every fiber of my being. It was the absolute worst pain I have gone through and I haven't had the easiest life, so that's saying a lot. It's been about 5 months since losing my innocent baby and I am feeling better than I did those first 3 months. You will do best to forgive yourself for being human and anyone you feel is responsible for the outcome of your Bear's death. These tragedies can hit us at multiple levels. We feel terrible about our actions and then we can never bring our precious babies back so it's a sad state to be in. It will get better with time and Bear doesn't want you to feel guilty. Most of us are already sad as it is, so piling on the guilt just makes things worse. I'm telling you this but it has taken me quite a while to relieve myself of massive guilt. I had to accept that I deserve forgiveness and that made things better a little bit at a time. I had overwhelming anger too and that one is still in play but to a lesser degree because I decided I didn't want to grow old and bitter. My Munchkin brought so much love and levity that it would be a terrible waste of her memory if I did not try to hang on to whatever hope or compassion I could muster. You have a right to feel whatever you feel such as guilt and anger but you also have the right to have compassion for yourself. I hope you feel better with each passing day and I hope each tear cleanses your soul. My prayers are with you and others.
Munchkin Mommy
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