My baby boy was my everything and he just passed yesterday. What makes me feel horrible is the fact that I keep thinking that he could've passed because of sadness/depression because we weren't allowed to visit him at the vet and he's been only there for a day. The vet sends videos of him and we actually see tears in his eyes, and he seems confused as to where he is. It also seems like he's looking around for us. A day in the vet and then he passed afterwards. In most hours I would think that maybe the vet killed him on purpose and it makes me so angry and sad and I feel like I'm crazy. I wanted to talk to the vet last night while having a breakdown and ask about it but I feel like that would be a horrible thing to ask. My baby Jarvis was only 3 years old.
Most of my teenage years have been filled with anger issues and so much family problems. I'm from an asian family and affection and openness aren't really a thing for us. But Jarvis makes it all feel better. At times when I would have breakdowns and I'd get ticked off by the littlest things, it would even come to the point that I would trash the house and throw things around just because I was mad. Then I'll see my boy looking at me, probably wondering what was going on. But he won't come near just yet, he doesn't show emotions of fear either, he'd just stare at me and that would be the time that I'd just break down and cry and say sorry and he would immediately come to me and comfort me.
He was the only reason I wanted to go home. I always miss him. He was my bestfriend. God I feel so horrible right now. I'm a sh*tty teenager with a sh*tty life and he was the only thing that made everything better. He made me so happy. He was just so special. He would come with me everytime I'd go out and buy something at our village's store and I wouldn't even have to tie him up because our neighbor's knew him and he was just very kind. Instead of having everyone scared, people would end up petting him. Literally ANYONE. Without a leash. He was a very good boy and everyone knew it. Everyone loves him. Believe it or not, he was the reason I didn't wanna get psychiatric help even my family members ask me to due to my issues. Because I swear everything just becomes fine when I see him and talk to him and play with him and hold him in my arms. He was the best. Please come back baby.
I miss you so much my baby boy. I still open the door of that favorite restroom downstairs you always liked to sleep in. I still go every night in our garage to say goodmorning and goodnight to you. I know it's only been a day but man I feel so horrible and also angry that none of the people around me are grieving as much as I am and it sounds ridiculous. Now my baby isn't here to keep me calm and happy. I miss you so much my boy. I don't know what to do with my life now.
I even feel guilty when I go downstairs and I get greeted with so much love and energy by our other younger baby girl who's also a belgian malinois because I feel sad that she's just not who I'm looking for. I make sure that she doesn't feel that way though.
I'm glad that I found this forum. Now I know I'm not alone and some people are going through worse and I'm so sorry for that. Our babies deserve the best. The world is just so cruel.