Hi Sue, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry about the loss of both Louie and Henry. Louie's death must have been devastating. I can't even imagine. I understand the wondering if we could have waited a little longer. My older dog Leo died 6 months before Lola. We were all at home together on the bed me petting Leo and talking to him and Lola even licking him a few times. But I didn't make the decision! He did. So although I was devastated it was out of my control. I was reading over some things I had written right after she died. On her last day we were lying on the bed together and I was petting her and talking to her. At this point her back legs were paralyzed and one of her front legs was inflamed so badly she couldn't put any weight on it and it was and hard for her to do anything but lie down. She made the effort to lift her head up and reach over- her hot little nose touching my cheek and give me one last kiss on the nose. I called the vet and told them I was bringing her in. I had totally forgotten about this but it reminded me that I think she was ready to go-she was saying good bye. I can tell how much you loved your 2 boys and they were lucky to have you. Your right there is no way around not feeling as awful as we feel we just have to keep walking through it. I am great full to you for helping me along the way. You will be in my thoughts! ~ Ana
Louie my lab was the most gentle creature ever, he didn't even bark until he was 9 years old. We called him Grandpa since he was a puppy as he was so laid back. The horrible day came in 2010 when his eyes were begging me to put him out of his grief. I never put a dog down before but always heard it was peaceful. Well the vet put him on the table, why I don't know as he was over 100lbs, he never gave him a sedative and I didn't know until recently that's the right way to do it. He injected Louie with the drug and my most gentle, lazy dog tried mightily to get off the table!! He was fighting, this was so out of character for him. OMG what do I do, is he trying to tell me he's not ready but now he was literally 1/2 dead as the vet just didn't give him enough and you can't turn back...he had to give him another shot. It was NOT peaceful at all, it was AWFUL and I didn't even know until 3/31/16 when I had to have my Henry put down. This different vet made it so nice, they put a nice blanket on the floor as he too was over 100lb's, they gave him a sedative first and Henry just slowly relaxed with me hugging him and telling him how much I loved him and then when he was sound asleep they gave him the euthanasia medicine. So I understand when you feel it may not have been exactly as you thought but that was just a moment or two and in time you will not think of those last moments but of the years of love and devotion you gave her. Louie was ready even though it wasn't peaceful. Henry....I still am not sure about the timing but it was peaceful and for that I am grateful.
I'm so sorry about Lola, I understand that you feel like you could have done more but I think you know you did all you could do and gave her a wonderful life and unselfishly let her pass over before her life deterioriated to much. I doubt myself about Henry, feeling like you that I let him down, I could have done more but in reality he was totally blind and had degenerative myelopathy in his hind legs and he could barely walk more than a few steps. He didn't want to go outside to the bathroom anymore and if he did he would fall in it. He still loved to eat and play which is why I feel so guilty but he also seemed depressed living a life of mostly sitting in one spot and even when I put him outside in the sun he still couldn't see anything. He never could walk on floors that weren't carpeted without help which is why I took him home from the shelter to foster him so he could get around a little bit better, I have carpet and tile in the kitchen I would always help him walk in there....his last day, he WALKED on tile floor into the vets with dignity. On the one hand I feel SO guilty that he was walking....why now for this last appointment?!!! Break my heart! On the other hand I am glad his last walk was one with dignity and not falling all over the place like he usually did. It's not easy any way you slice it but at the end of the day after your heart is not so freshly broken you know Lola was LOVED and you gave her a wonderful life.
Sorry so long. Peace.