Dai
My furry baby Spin died on Saturday in the emergency animal hospital. My husband and I rushed her over there when we found her laying on her poop when we got home from food shopping. She was 16, three weeks away from her 17th bday. She had a neurological seizure of some sort while we were gone and it caused her to lose feeling of her entire left side and her bowels. A stroke, I think. i can't remember what the vets said. It's all jumbled in my mind.

I know she was old and the time was coming for her to go. She was sleeping too much, not seeing well, was deaf but oh my baby was still walking outside everyday, was wagging her tail when i got home. We would roll on my bed when i got home from work so that she could tangle herself in my hair. Now she's gone and I miss her terribly! I see her everywhere in this apartment. Expect her by the door, to be with me in the bathroom when I shower and lick the water from my feet.

I keep replaying the whole emergency clinic visit in my head like a movie. She looked scared and wanted me  to bring her home. I don't want to think about it anymore and I wished it would stop. I feel guilty but I also know it was the right thing to do.

It hurts so bad. Sorry, my post is all over the place.

Dai
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Dai,

On the contrary your post was very lucid and focused.

I am very sorry to read of your recent loss. Welcome to the Rainbow Bridge Forum despite the sad circumstances.

As you may know, the problems with strokes are once they happen? The can occur again at any time. Just as they can do with humans.

I am so glad that your paths crossed with your beloved's so many years ago. As you may know dogs natural lifespan (for a mid-size dog that can fight back against natural predators) is only 10 years. That is what they are biologically designed and engineered to live for. We human pet parents can cheat nature and quite often extend the life time of our dogs, but providing them with food, water, shelter, medical treatment and love. But unfortunately there are no guarantees.

Your pup lived a glorious long and love-filled life, although "forever" would not have been long enough.

You are not alone. We are all with you in comradeship. 

Kind regards,
James
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Dai
Thank you James.

It just hurts so much. These last few months caring for her was my number one priority. It was hard for both of us. She wanted to make me happy and I wanted her to be safe and pain free. Now she is and I’m broken-hearted. So difficult.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Daira,

I know. I am so sorry again for your loss. Others will chime in shortly here on the forum. At times they need to catch-up. At other times they may be to sad to respond right away. But they will.

I had to put my boy down 16 weeks ago tomorrow. He was becoming a shadow of his former noble, regal and handsome self. His name was Marmalade. He was an orange and white Tabby cat. He was brave and true. Loyal and devoted. Affectionate and kind. He was the King of a colony of feral and stray cats in New Mexico where I met him in the high desert. I had to travel 850 miles for our paths to cross. He was my best friend, my brother, my son, my compadre, my roommate, my love and my light. We had a mutual admiration society of just him & I. We were brothers in arms through many adventures.

When we end our beloved's pain & suffering we then agree to take their pain & suffering onto ourselves. And then we process it through our grief.

"This too shall pass."

Sincerely,
James
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Bdoggie
Dai, Spin sounds like a beautiful girl. She sounds like she had a loving home and she loved you very much. She trusted you to take care of her and it sounds to me like you did a great job, with both your love and her trust. When push came to shove, you showed her you were willing to make the most loving, unselfish and difficult decision. She know that and will always love you.

I know it's tough to see it right now, but You will see her again. Give yourself time to grieve. It's normal. You did nothing wrong.
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Dai
Thank you James and Bdoggie.

These little furry beings just bury themselves very deep in our souls.

Last night was very hard for me and my husband. He was feeling helpless when nothing could really console me. Today, with swollen eyes I came to work and have been distracted enough that I haven’t cried. Thank God I work with animal lovers and they all understand what I’m going through.

I keep reading all of the posts and my heart breaks for all of you. It’s so hard and seems like the pain will stay for good but I know at some point the tight grip of grief will start to loosen.
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Momtozeus
Dear Dai ,
I am so sorry for your loss of your fur baby Spin. He sounded like he was a sweetie. Neurological issues are very tough to deal with.. I know because I too lost my fur baby boy Zeus in July to a massive brain tumor. I stayed with him day and night for 2 months because i was afraid to leave him alone, and I don’t regret a second of it. It is so very hard to navigate through the pain.. but this forum and the people here will help you as they have helped me.
Xo momtozeus {Michelle}
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Dai
Thank you Michelle. I’m so sorry for you loss as well.

I was always so worried about my little girl. Recruited my daughter’s friends to go check on her when I had to get a full time job three months ago. They were so helpful and Spin was happy with all the attention. But she was so slow and not really interested these past two weeks. I knew something was happening and I wish I would’ve taken her to the vet sooner. But I know now that it would’ve happened regardless.

The grief comes in waves and sometimes it drowns me.
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Pagmem
Dear Dai,

You were perfect. You loved and cared for Spin. You played and talked with her, shared with her, gave her medical care when needed. Please don’t blame yourself. You gave her a wonderful life, and you all were so lucky to have found each other. Be gentle with yourself. Let yourself grieve. You love and loved her deeply. She knew it.

I wish I could take away your pain,. Please know I’m sending you love and hugs.

Blessings,

Melissa
Melissa
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Dai
Thank you Melissa for your kind words.

Today I picked up her ashes and paw print in a tiny little box. I’m looking at the bag but can’t bring myself to take out the teeny boxes in it. The pet cremation place we used I so pretty and calming. They were so very nice and understanding. I put the bag on my dresser so I can see it from anywhere in my bedroom. I need strength to remove it from the bag and put it in a special place with her picture next to it.

My heart is broken.

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