Erika_W
On Sunday I looked at my beautiful little baby girl and knew something was very wrong. We took her to the vets on Monday to be told she was in the first stages of heart failure and that the next 72 hours were critical, without meds and food in her we would be saying goodbye on Thursday.
We tried every food we could lay our hands on but she still wouldn't eat, was this her way of saying she didn't want to fight?
Through Tuesday night she started to get leg spasms, I hope she was just confused by them and not in pain. I comforted her through the night and decided she would have no meds Wednesday just time with us before we had to say goodbye.
On Wednesday, yesterday, she had a little restful sleep (even snoring a little!) wagged her tail (she'd stopped doing that on Sunday) and had a little bit of chocolate (bad I know but what harm could it do now?) We all had our alone time with her to tell her how much we loved her and to ask her to wait for us at Rainbow Bridge, then we made the very short journey to the vets.
After they'd put the cannula in she had a very violent leg spasm and I know she was scared. I held her close and comforted her till I felt her relax then I held her head in my hands, so we were eye to eye, and told her how much I loved her and that it was time to go to sleep. She laid down with her head on my hand and peacefully left us.
I cried for less than a minute then nothing! I don't feel anything!
We came home and for all I know she was here it doesn't feel like she was ever here, for all I can share memories with the family, I don't feel them. I just feel nothing! Am I betraying her by not grieving?
I just wish I knew that she wasn't scared, I made the right decision, she is happy and healthy now and that I will see her again. All questions that I know can never be answered.
Sorry for the lengthy post I just don't know what else to do.
Erika xx
Daisy 26/11/02-23/07/14
Always in my heart, until we meet again baby girl xxx
Quote 0 0
MurphysMom_0831
Hi Erika,

My deepest sympathy in the loss of your furbaby. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but it sounds as though you're either in shock over losing your little girl or in the denial stage of the grief process. Neither is abnormal. I know I was in shock over losing Murphy considering the circumstances regarding his passing. You're right in that our questions can't be answered, but we have to rest in the knowledge that our precious babies loved us unconditionally and knew how much they were loved. The proof of your love for her is in your post and the fact that you're so numb. I'm in that same stage right now, and my Murphy passed June 18. I was so horrified at the time, all I did was cry, scream, and became inconsolable for weeks. Now I don't feel a whole lot but such sadness and emptiness. We all react differently. Unfortunately it's part of the process when we've loved them so much.

Wishing you peace and blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
Quote 0 0
Erika_W
Thank you so much Kathryn and apologies for not replying sooner (my husband was rushed into hospital Thursday, what a week!)

Your kind words mean so much. I am truly sorry for your loss too, we were so blessed to have been loved unconditionally by our furbabies. I feel for people who have never experienced that depth of love and devotion.

6 years ago Daisy had to undergo two major spine operations and the latter left her with slight nerve damage and a limp. As weird as this may sound, yesterday I was in the park, I had taken a friend to feed the squirrels, when a pigeon came over to me with a limp on his left side (the same as Dais) I fed him for a while then he cooed and just stayed sat next to me until my friend was finished. I feel this was Dais trying to tell me she was still with me.

I know exactly what you mean about the emptiness, it is consuming.

Sending you hugs and thinking of you
Erika xx
Daisy 26/11/02-23/07/14
Always in my heart, until we meet again baby girl xxx
Quote 0 0
MurphysMom_0831
Erika_W wrote:
Thank you so much Kathryn and apologies for not replying sooner (my husband was rushed into hospital Thursday, what a week!) Your kind words mean so much. I am truly sorry for your loss too, we were so blessed to have been loved unconditionally by our furbabies. I feel for people who have never experienced that depth of love and devotion. 6 years ago Daisy had to undergo two major spine operations and the latter left her with slight nerve damage and a limp. As weird as this may sound, yesterday I was in the park, I had taken a friend to feed the squirrels, when a pigeon came over to me with a limp on his left side (the same as Dais) I fed him for a while then he cooed and just stayed sat next to me until my friend was finished. I feel this was Dais trying to tell me she was still with me. I know exactly what you mean about the emptiness, it is consuming. Sending you hugs and thinking of you Erika xx


I firmly believe Daisy was telling you she's okay and still with you. I've had a few things happen with Murphy, too, including hearing his bark as plain as day the other morning. I know it was him as that bark is more familiar than my own voice. We're all energy, humans and animals alike, and energy cannot be destroyed. The energy of our beloved furbabies continues even after their earth life has ended as does our own. It just changes to a different form. However, not having them here physically is incredibly difficult and we miss them so. 

I agree, people who have never experienced the depth of our love and our devotion to our pets have never truly lived. I've run across quite a few of them since Murphy developed Addison's disease in 2011, and more since he went to the Rainbow Bridge. I have very little patience with them. When some would hear what it cost to provide his lifetime Addison's treatment, they said if it were their dog they'd put him down.  Never imaging it would be so soon, I told my own sister that when Murphy's time did come, I was afraid I'd have a nervous breakdown. Her response was "well, then you shouldn't have pets!" Murphy wasn't a pet. He was my child. I love him so much it's as if I gave birth to him myself. I would have done anything for him at any cost. After Murphy passed, my neighbor who really liked him said he hoped I wasn't going to set up a "shrine" inside my house for him. I wouldn't call it a shrine, but I do have all of his things including his urn, hair clippings, photo, leash, collars, etc. in my lighted curio cabinet. I wouldn't think of throwing them away. It's all I have left besides memories. However, I had unconditional love from my Murphy that was returned to him 10-fold by me. Nothing can replace that. The others just don't have a clue, and they're the ones who missed out.

I hope your husband is doing better, and that this week will be better for both of you. Keep watching for signs from Daisy.

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)


"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
Quote 0 0
Erika_W
I know exactly what you mean. Daisy's spine operations cost us £4000 and so many people questioned why I would even consider paying. If it were their son/daughter would they question it then? No! So why should it be any different.

I can't believe your sister could say that. Again it's like saying 'if you can't cope with the loss of a child then don't have them' There is no certainty in life and, unfortunately knowing too many children who have passed before their time, being human is no guarantee to a longer life.

I think it's lovely what you've done for Murphy. Why shouldn't he be surrounded by his things at home. You are his mam and he would want to be with you, his bark was probably at a time when you needed just a gentle reminder that he's still there for you when you need him, and always will be.

I am sure you, like me, would give anything to have one more love from your furbaby but I hold on to the belief that that day will come and until then they will continue to protect us and send us these signs xx
Daisy 26/11/02-23/07/14
Always in my heart, until we meet again baby girl xxx
Quote 0 0
MurphysMom_0831
I figured out that between Murphy's 2 Addison's crises, the treatment for it from age 6-1/2 through a little over 9-1/2 years, and the total bill for the end of May through June 18, between my regular vet and the specialty hospital he was in for 13 days when he passed I spent over $20,000. However, every single cent was well worth it, and if he could have been saved at even more cost, I'd have done it in a heartbeat. I don't regret anything at all about the cost, just that all the procedures and surgery he was put through didn't work anyway. I feel a lot of guilt about having agreed to the surgery and resultant feeding tubes I wasn't expecting. On the other hand, if I hadn't agreed to everything they said was necessary, I'd never have known if he could have been saved. I also have a great deal of guilt that he wasn't able to go on his final journey at home, where he felt safe and comfortable, instead of a hospital where there were strange people, everything scared him and painful things were done to him. I hope he knows I did everything I could for him out of love and that I was with him every moment in thought. I am extremely thankful I was with him when he went to the Rainbow Bridge and that he knew I was there; he wagged his tail at me when they wheeled him into the Quiet Room. I owed him that much and more after all he's done for me.

I lost a 3-year-old son many years ago when I was very, very young, so I understand what you mean about the comment from my sister. I've actually taken Murphy's passing harder than my son's, odd as that might sound to some. All my family was alive then and we all lived close to one another, so I had a great support network. These past years Murphy has been my support network (my parrot, too) as most of my family has passed on, and those left live in states very far away. Murphy became my purpose in life, and he did so much for me, the very least I could do was everything possible for him. People often don't think of the ramifications of their words or the hurt they can cause.

Yes, I would give anything for more time to love on Murph. He was always at my side as I work from home, and the only time we were apart was when I had to run errands. From his first Addison's crisis in 2011, I started sleeping on the couch so I could watch over him 24/7 and I'm still sleeping there. He would lie right in front of the couch when we went to bed and I'd rub his belly until we fell asleep. If only we could do that again. We will some day, I know, but for now the separation is heartbreaking. It helps me to have all his things, as if he's going to reappear at any time. I can't even bring myself to get rid of his last bag of dog food or his medicines. I keep them for my own comfort, and it helps.

I hope he's really happy at the Rainbow Bridge playing with Daisy and all the other furbabies. In the meanwhile, I'll keep watching and listening for signs that he's near. I know you'll do the same with Daisy. It's great to hear that bark again, isn't it?

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
Quote 0 0