Every since my sweet little Fancey passed away April 16th, I feel like it is all my fault.
She had little red dots on her belly so I googled what it could be. It came back as black fly bites which is common this time of year. She had been in the yard a lot and always had super sensitive skin. I showed my wife the pictures from the article and they looked exactly the same.  We bathed her and rubbed her belly down with coconut oil. They were gone by the next day and she was so active. The the next week the places were back but now a dark purple. We took her straight to the vet and then she was gone the next day from Evans Syndrome. 
I should have taken her straight to the vet the first time. I loved her so much and I am now responsible for her passing. I break down three or four times a day thinking about it.
Why didn't I do more. Fancy please forgive me
alan farlowe
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I’m so sorry for your loss.  Please don’t feel guilty it’s not your fault.  Guilt is part of the grief process.  You did everything you could and to the best of your knowledge for your dog.  Today would have been my dog Pecan’s 9th birthday but instead it’s her 30 day passing anniversary.  I’m so sad it hurts to get up but Im going to get up and celebrate her life instead.  You can read my story under my Sweet girl Pecan and ”is this normal” if you like.  I blamed myself for the first three weeks but now I know I loved pecan dearly and did everything to the best of my knowledge to help her but I believe when it’s our time to go we will go and the same rule applies to the animals.  Unfortunately we have no control over that.  Please be kind to yourself and take your time with your grief but please don’t feel guilty.  I still cry everyday and think about Pecan 24/7 but I’m starting to celebrate her life and I’m so thankful for the wonderful 9 years we had together, she gave us nothing but unconditional love.  I miss my best friend. 
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Thanks for your kind words 
I am so sorry to hear what happened to Pecan 
My heads tells me I sound not feel guilty but my heart has a great burden on it.
I am happy for the 5 years we had Fancy and those years made up for the first part of her life. She was treated like a princess and wanted for nothing . She was everyone’s favorite dog. I am grateful we made it to the Emergency vet to say goodbye as the thought of her passing without us would be too much for me to handle right now 
I am also great full for all the love and happiness she gave us
Thanks again for replying as it helps so much to speak to others that feel the same 
have a great day celebrating Pecans special day 
alan farlowe
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Oh Alan, please don’t blame yourself! You had no reason to think the red dots on Fancy’s belly were anything but black fly bites, especially when they were gone the next day and she seemed fine. You clearly loved her and took wonderful care of her. You are NOT responsible for her death. Please do something nice for yourself today, and remind yourself that Fancy would not like to see you sad and crying. Make yourself smile just for a little bit, for her. Sending you hugs...
Cindy (Buddy’s mama)
My baby Buddy 5/4/10-3/7/20, rescued March 2011
My sweet Mandy 11/27/91-11/2/10, rescued November 1992
My beautiful Barney 4/28/73-9/7/92, adopted May 1973
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Everything happens for a reason and blaming yourself won't help. It may only put your health at risk.
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Thanks for the replies. Fancy would not want me to feel this way. She was just pure love and happiness. She knew we did what we thought was best. Up until the end we thought everything was treatable. One of the many things I hate about grief is how we had 5 awesome wonderful years full of great memories but it just gets reduced down to those last minutes. I am doing my best as we all are but it has been really tough.
Prayers to you all.
alan farlowe
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Please don't blame yourself!  If my cat had little red dots on her belly and it seemed like everything else was fine, I would have given it 24-hours like you did.  She was find the next day.  You are not a vet - you did your best.  You and your wife loved her very much.  Even if you would have taken her in immediately there might not have been anything you could have done.  She does not blame you - she loved you.  Hind sight is always 20/20 - you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

Fancy would want you to be happy and remember her with smiles - not tears.  The next time you think of her, smile to honor all the wonderful things you had together.

Bless you.
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