Korie
6 weeks ago I had to euthanize my best friend. He got out of my yard and bit my neighbor. I feel so guilty and it’s eating me alive. He was my truest friend and the only friend I had that I could count on. I feel like I murdered him and I can’t sleep anymore because I play it over and over again in my head. He was the best dog to me. I felt like he could read my mind and look into my soul. He was the only dog I’ve ever know to look in my eyes and look back and forth between both of my eyes like people do. I’m devastated. I cry myself to sleep every night. The worst part of all of this is that I’m a vet tech and work at an animal hospital where they basically tell me to get over it. I feel like no one understands what i’m going through. I killed my best friend and I hate myself every day for it. I wake up and wish I hadn’t waken up. I just don’t know what to do.
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Tankie12
I’m very sorry you’re going through this! The pain of losing your best friend is intense and the grief is overwhelming. Every person here and every comment you read will validate your pain. I have to stop right here and tell you I am so mad that your feelings are being pushed aside at work! Of all places! And I’m embarrassed and ashamed of the staff at your hospital/clinic. I was a tech and I can’t believe the lack of understanding/sympathy/empathy towards an employee in this field is unbelievable. You have come to the right place, now.
The pain of losing your best friend and soulmate is excruciating. The love, unconditional love they give us everyday of their lives is beyond compare. So is the grief. It’s harsh and ugly and hurts like none other. We understand this completely, all of us are at some juncture of this journey. Everything you’re feeling is normal, theirs nothing wrong with you, you hurt, terribly. It helps a lot just to come here and write, maybe share pictures and tell us more about you and your precious baby. I wish you didn’t have to go through this. With the greatest of love comes the greatest of loss. Take care and be good to you,,,,,
Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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katndogs
I am not trying to make excuses for your vet, I have seen this too. I think they do so many euthanizations that they become desensitized to it.
But I can tell by reading others posts that the people here do get it and you are not alone in your pain. I just had to do the same thing to my dog. I am so sorry for your loss......
KP
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Ginger4256
Korie,
We get it.  There is nothing like the pain of losing your best friend/fur-baby.  It is intense and hurts deeply.  It's been 2 months today since I lost Boo and I still miss him and wonder "where is he?"  He should still be here with me.
Keep writing here on this forum and/or reading other's posts and you will see that everyone here understands what you are going through and will have words of comfort for you. 
I find that some vets don't show any compassion.  Maybe they are just used to it.  I don't know but I know I could never work in one.  Good thing there are people like you in that office.  
I with you peace dear.
Boo' s mommy
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Sil
Korie,

I am truly sorry for your loss of your beloved fur baby.  Our doggies are "territorial and very protective" and sometimes, this gets them in trouble - but, I know that they do not have any malice.  The pain of losing them is excruciating, no matter the circumstances. 

In this forum, we ALL understand your pain, your guilt, your grief.  We are all in "several" stages of the mourning process.  

Tankie12 said "With the greatest love comes the greatest of loss..."  .   Hugs 
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Snowfire
Korie wow that is tough and sorry happened. Yeah I get it some don't get it especially your job. Please take care and respond back to others here as we all care. And we are going through it. God be with you and don't hate yourself.
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xxcesarxx
Kory. I can tell you without a doubt in my mind that your baby is not dead , he's alive, up in heaven waiting for you.
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Korie
Thank you everyone. It’s helpful knowing more people out there understand the kind of grief I’m feeling. A lot of people think it’s irrational to feel like this over a pet, so it’s comforting to know others out there feel as strongly as I do for my pets. Nighttime is the worst for me. All the guilt and sadness I have comes rushing back. I can’t sleep for days at a time. July 4th was extra hard too because Shane was afraid of fireworks so I would sit with him to calm him down. I try to stay busy to keep my mind off of it, but we did everything together so pretty much everything I do or anywhere I go reminds me of him.
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ForMitookie_03
Korie,

I am so sorry for your loss.  You have come to the right place.  Everyone here is here because they have lost a beloved pet.  Our pets are more than pets.  Much more.  I was so sick when I had to put my beautiful kitty to sleep.  I had him for 15 years and I felt as though we were soulmates.  As strange as that sounds, I think you understand.  I'm sorry that you are not being allowed to grieve properly at work.  You have been through something very traumatic.  I can't imagine being in your shoes; having to put down a completely healthy pet.  How horribly painful.  I know you are going through some very dark times, but please know that you are not alone.  Write as much as you need to.  Write letters to Shane if it helps.  I promise your baby is looking down on you and you will see him again one day.  He is in a place far better than here, where there is no fear, no pain, no judgement.  He knows you gave him the best life.  I hope you find a little bit of peace each and every day. 

Take care of yourself, you are dealing with a lot!

Marina
Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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Friend_of_Suuk
Korie,
I'm sorry for your pain, and for your guilt.  Sounds like both feelings are very profound right now.  I think it's so valid and real.  I also think vets and staff see so much that they can become desensitized.  It's hard for some people to get close to feeling this degree of pain, for animal or human.  I recently lost my cat partner due to health issues, it was fairly sudden, and I have been devastated.  I didn't know a human and cat could share such big love.  I am surprised by how overwhelming the pain has been.  
As for your guilt, I'm guessing you took good care of your pup.  Animals are part wild (part of why many of us love them), and we can't control every moment.  We can just do our very best to understand them and help them be happy and healthy and love them.  I hope you can find some relief remembering the ways you took good care of him.  The ways you loved him.  Here are some things that are helping me with my loss:
Breathe slowly and deeply. Feel yourself connected to the earth.
Donate to the SPCA or another animal rescue organization.  They have a memorial option.
Pray. Whatever you believe in. Send blessings and love to your Pup's spirit.  Move through your guilt and focus on just surrounding him in love and comfort.
Remember good times and ways you made him happy.
Find an animal that needs more care, and give it to them.
Trust that if there is any opportunity to learn from mistakes that you will do so, and with this, find room to forgive yourself.  When the time is right you will offer a pet a high quality happy life with love.
Be a gentle advocate for dogs and animals, to help others understand how to be good pet stewards.
Warm wishes to you...


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