It has been 4 days since my rabbit fluffy was put to sleep,the day it happened I cried heaps until I fell asleep and then again when I woke. The next day I was able to look at her things in my room but when I thought of her buried in the ground the crying started and only stopped when I had no more tears. Most of my days revolved around her so now I don't know what to do with myself, I haven't eaten since that awful day and I try to sleep the day away. But now I just feel guilty because I feel like my dreams are a place I want to escape real life but I am dreaming about normal happy things and I know if I dream about her I will cry but I feel like my dreams shouldn't be like this. Now I wake up and I don't really know whats going on I thought I was feeling numb but I feel nothing at all nit even tears, I am so angry that what I'm feeling is that I am over the sadness, have accepted it and am ready to move on. How can I be so heartless she was my everything for 6 years I don't want to cry but I do want to feel something, what is happening and why??
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You are feeling all normal grief feelings.
We go numb at first and slowly the pain sets in
until at about 3 - 6 weeks the reality hits us again.
I put up a thread on Help Dealing with Grief from my
point of view as a Grief Counselor. The beginning of
that thread may help explain some of the feelings
better than I can at the moment. My Bear's birthday is
in 10 days and I am still worried about little Arthur.
We all feel like we want to crawl out of skins in the
raw searing pain of new grief. I literally walked in circles
wringing my hands and forgetting to breathe. My chest
kept hurting because I was unknowingly holding my breath.
Your sleep cycles will be a mess for a while. It took me more than
a month to be able to sleep at night without Bear right next to me.
When Nori went 13 weeks after (very suddenly in 4 hours) Bear she has a bonded mate
and Harry stopped eating and was grieving. I fed him on my bed
every night for 3 weeks until he began to eat again on his own.
Grieving is awful. Grief is the worst pain there is because the only
way through it is straight through it. I just kept telling people
that I just have to feel this way until I don't feel like this any more.
We are all here for you and we all understand.
We are all walking the same terrible roller coaster path of grief-
some ahead of you, some right next to you, and some will come behind for
you to help along.
We ALL care about you - please know this.
You are in my heart and thoughts.
My love to you my friend.
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It's so hard and the days feel so long but it will soon be a week since she went and I am absolutely dreading the day when I don't find her little white hairs on all my things anymore. I am still not dealing with it in a healthy way but I don't want to wake up and be aware of her not being there to be with or see and I just don't feel like eating or talking. My parents are worried and tonight my mum said to me I know it still hurts and it will for some time and I'm not and will never try to replace Fluffy but do you want another rabbit because you need to keep your mind on something and you need to hold something because it might help you feel better. I get where she is coming from but I don't know if I do want another rabbit firstly I think it is too soon and secondly I just can't go through losing another rabbit again, but I did have a thought for a split second today and I know it is not a good idea at all. I thought I want a rabbit that looks just like Fluffy did, I would call it Fluffy and it would be like she was still here with me, so it's confusing because another rabbit would help my heart but I can't deal with the thought of it eventually passing away as well. Also I still have Fluffy's cage and my closet(where she used to hang out when she was out of her cage) just the way she left it, I know it will get smelly but I can't bring myself to clean her things up, how long should I leave her cage the way it is because mum thinks just having it in my room makes it hurt more.
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You will know when it is the right time for another pet - whether it is a bunny, a kitten, or a puppy when you can think of one that doesn't look and act exactly like Fluffy. Fluffy is not replaceable. There will always be only one Fluffy. It has only been 4 days and you do need to grieve for Fluffy. As for cleaning up I throw out the food and litter box but other than that you can keep her things for as long as you want to. My Bear's bed is still on the living room floor and it will be there until I move. His pictures are everywhere and will stay there. Bunnies stay healthier if kept inside and I made sure that my vet was a bunny specialist so she knows all about them and what meds they can have and cannot have, etc... Bunnies are very fragile. For only 4 days after a traumatic loss I think you are doing the same as the rest of us. It doesn't get better but it does get easier.
We are all here for you.
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I will never and can never replace Fluffy and how I felt for her but the thought of having a rabbit look just like her I think made me just want to see her again but I know no rabbit that looks like her will ever be like her or have my heart like she does. We have other animals at home that help with having something there but I feel like my life is pointless without Fluffy to take care of. We were actually in the process of getting her to the Melbourne rabbit clinic for surgery but it was just too late, I am angry with myself because there were two weeks when we weren't going back to the vet and I know something may have been done in time but she was more herself and happy when she wasn't on medication and I knew that then but now little things that I felt were right at the time I hate myself for. I think I will hold off getting another pet for a while I want to eventually get a good job and travel, make friends, go out and be a normal 20 year old. I have many USB sticks full of photos of my girls and I plan on printing them all put and having a photo book to remind me of them and remember the love we will always have. I really want a tattoo as well for me but also so whenever people ask i can tell them about my beautiful rabbits I am going to get their names on my wrist nothing to extreme just something I can always look at and remember.
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Whether you get tattoos or not you will never ever forget them.
They are a part of your heart and your soul forever and as a little
more time passes they may visit you in your dreams. If your think you
see her out of the corner of your eye you do. She will always be around you -
For where else would she ever be but with the one she Loves the most always.
Some people don't understand bonding with a bunny but believe me I do.
They each have their own little personalities and quirky little things they do
that are so cute and make them each an individual. Just like my puppies
do so do the bunnies. It is sweet when one of the puppies kisses on of the
bunnies through the bars on the hutch. I keep them in my living room.
I think you are very wise to wait a bit and be a normal 20 year old
for a while. Once you settle down you can think about another pet as
you are correct in they are a huge responsibility.
Please do not look in hindsight and blame yourself for anything.
You did everything you thought was right at the time and non
of us have a crystal ball. In hindsight everything is easier to see.
You did everything right that a good Bunny Mama would do.
They Love you as You Love them and always will.
It can't.
You are in my thoughts - truly as I just fed my bunnies and
gave Arthur his medicine food with the big syringe. I am very lucky that
he likes it and is taking it so well.
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