Bryen80
I lost my dog my baby brutus 2 weeks ago. And I  feel physical pain from it. He was more than a dog he was my child. He was a 15yo shih tzu, always so happy at my feet loved to be held and carried he was so spoiled beyond words. Closet of clothes, personalized dishes beds in every room, he went were I went, I had huge birthday parties. The past 2yrs he began to change he was diagnosed with dementia and chf,i paid over 100.00+ a every 3 weeks for his meds then he started to have seizures they were so scary. Than he went blind and def. I started him on CBD oil which did help than he had a stroke the vet told me to expect the worst. I couldn't except that. I syringe feed him boost and water until he ate on his own. And became better. But I noticed decline as much as I tried not to notice. I wouldn't let him walk I carried him everywhere.  After all he was my world. Than 2 weeks he had another stroke I knew this was it I stayed awake all night with him he wouldn't move. Next day I rushed him to the vet hus temp dropped they told me he was going and suffering and if I loved him I needed to stop his pain. Hardest day of my life I could have died with him. I was able to talk to him and kiss him while it was happening. Now I feel alone I made a memorial in my house bought a solid gold urn out pics up everywhere. But nothing is helping me I have another small young dog that I love very much but I even keep calling him by the wrong name. Some nights I cant sleep I dont like other people talking about him and I get a pain in my chest when I think of him I feel like I am having a break down. I feel like I have to keep it together for others but the moment I'm alone I lose it all over again. 
Bryen Holman 
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Quincysmomma
Bryen,

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss...it is clear form your words how much you loved your Brutus.  We lost our dog, Quincy a little over a month ago and the pain is definitely physical as well as emotional.  We don't have any children and Quincy was our child as well...a piece of me died when we lost him. No matter how many times I try to reason with myself about how sick he was and he was in pain and we made the hardest decision of our life for him, I can't seem to accept reality.  All I know is that I am completely heartbroken and I don't think I will ever be the same person I was.

I wish you best and coming here does help even a little because other people understand the magnitude of grief we feel for our fur babies.  We are drowning in it...all I can hope is that time, in fact, does help.  We will never forget our Quincy...he was a once in a lifetime, soulmate dog.  We are planning to plant a tree in our backyard as a memorial for him in the coming weeks...I don't see how it will help, but he loved being in the yard and lounging around with a chewy and I want to do something positive for him.

Take care and cry when you need to cry...I've been crying every day...I'm definitely not running out of tears.
Jess
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