Hman
I had two chihuahua's, 6 years and 1 year, and my 1 yr old got ran over two nights ago. It was my fault because I thought she was inside and I shut the door. After a few minutes I got an uneasy feeling and went outside, after looking around for a few seconds I saw her dead body in the middle of the street. It was my fault she tried to cross A1A because I shut the door and she wanted to go to the beach. I loved her more than anything. I don't care that she was a puppy and I only had her a year. She had more life in her than any person I've ever met. I wish I had been more f*cking responsible. My neglect has cost me the one thing that made me happy when I woke up in the morning. I cannot get the picture of her body on the road out of my mind, and when I picked her up in my arms I saw her face so lifeless, I knew I had done that. I am 30 years old and I've been fortunate to never witness a family member or pet die. I shouldn't have shut the door, she would be fine. It is all my fault. I wonder how long she tried to get in before her attempt to cross the street? I don't know, and I don't care. I just want her back jumping in my arms without a care in the world. I feel like I want to die. I am afraid to go to sleep because I know I'll wake up in the morning. I wish I had the strength to end my pain...but I don't. So I must continue living with death on my hands.
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nicokudo
I am so sorry about the loss of your precious baby girl.  Please try to understand that accidents happen.  Many have come here with similar events happening to their little ones.  No one knows why these accidents happen; they just do.  Please keep coming back.  Tell us more about your little one. 

We all care here and want to help you.

Karen


Karen,Kudo and Nico's mom
Earth mom to Marco and Bella
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4myStanley
I'm so sorry for your loss.  I can only imagine what you are going through.  Please try not to be so hard on yourself as accidents happen and that is exactly what it was, an accident.  Tell yourself that you would never intentionally harm her in any way. 

We all seem to blame ourselves, doubt ourselves or wonder if we did enough when one of our fur babies passes. 

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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SamsMom
I am so sorry for your loss!  Please try not to be so hard on yourself.  Your furbaby would not want you doing this to yourself!  I totally understand what you are going thru.  My pet cat, Sam died on my front porch on Wed. by a pit bull attack.  I keep blaming myself also.  Maybe you need to go to pet loss support group.  This is what I am going to do, because I also blame myself.
I understand!
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charlikin
I am so sorry Hman!!! That is absolutely devastating, and I am so sorry, both for you and for your beautiful chihauhau! I agree with the others here that accidents happen and you should try not to be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard. Please do consider joining a support group or finding someone to talk to who can help you with your guilt and your grief. Your other furbaby needs you to be whole.


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rainbowbridge
Dear Hman,
Please email me at friends@rainbowsbridge.com for support. We have wonderful caring counsleors that will talk with you. We are here for you.

God Bless.

ginny
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creampuff

Hman, please click on the link to Ginny at Rainbow Bridge.  I lost both of my little ones 2 weeks apart after having them with me almost 16 years.  I know grief inside and out.   It's good to communicate with those who really understand what you're going through.  We care about you.  Jane

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Susie_Squillions
Dear Hman,

Your story of sudden, shocking loss just breaks my heart. Please contact Ginny at the email address she provided for you. Some private, one-on-one communicating would be a tremendous help for you right now.

What happened to your precious baby is not your fault! If you had even suspected that there was a danger of  something so terrible happening, you would have moved heaven and earth to have prevented it.  I know you would have, you know it, and your angel does too. 

The amount of time we have with them has nothing to do with the magnitude of our love. The bonds of love are formed when we meet them, and it is always so very hard when we have to go on without them by our sides.  But we do, and the pain does ease in time. Finding other people who understand the depth of our sorrow is one of the most important things we can do. You have found an entire community of such people here.  Here, you are not judged; you are accepted with open arms. 

What happened to your baby is unspeakably tragic, and it was an accident.  I firmly believe that when the end of our time together comes so quickly and unexpectedly, it is painless and peaceful for them.  Before the impact she was running for all she was worth, with a happy goal in mind.  When it happened, her little feet simply left the ground and she found herself on gossamer wings, soaring to her destiny like the little angel she has always been. 

I can't imagine a more beautiful destination than Rainbow Bridge.  She didn't have time to suffer, she never grew frail and weak.  She is a beautiful young pup forever and always. She does exist.  In your heart, in your memories, and in reality, she exists. Einstein proved that energy does not die; only matter does. What you miss most of all right now is her physical presence.  As you begin to recover from this most shocking loss, you will find that she can never leave your heart. She remains there, firmly snuggled into her own spot forever.

You, your surviving Chi, and your sweet little angel are all in my thoughts and prayers.

xoxoxo
Susie


My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Roberta
Susie...
          AMAZING!!!...
                            Simply Amazing
You have turned   a horrific situation   somehow bearable
Your take   rather   point of view   is   actually refreshing
You have found   some positive   actually   bright moments
Your fourth paragraph is   exceptional
The picture   your words paint   is...
                                                 BEAUTIFUL
What a wonderful vision to be left with...
                                                         THANK YOU!
You fulfill   such a need...
                                    here
You always seem   to say   the right thoughts   to comfort...
                                                                                    an otherwise bleak situation
Thank you...
                 again
Roberta aka SoppysGrammy




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Susie_Squillions
Dear Roberta,

Thank you so much!  I always try to imagine what it must be like for them to make that journey. They are so much more intuitive than we are, and they live their lives "in the moment" so much better than we do, I can only surmise that they must welcome what lies before them.  We are the ones who are left behind to wonder and to miss them. This is the only way I know to make peace, and I truly believe they are fine with whatever led them to Rainbow Bridge. 

xoxoxo
Susie


My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Hman
I appreciate everyone's help. I have no desire to speak with anybody one on one. I would rather speak openly. I know it's not my fault she died, but the chances of her death happening would have been almost nil had I not been so absent minded and shut the door. I had friends over and was entertaining. I got a bit carried away with the moment and I wasn't thinking about my loved ones for a few minutes. After those minutes passed I realized my mistake and paid the price.

Thank you again for everyone's kind words. The one thing that I can barely take solace in is something Susie said. She died happy and instantly. She was a happy little girl just going to the beach, her favorite spot in the whole world. I just feel by shutting the door I shut her out of my life. I know it isn't true and I know that I'm being dramatic, but I've never dealt with this before and I find it difficult.

My 6 year old seems alright. He does seem to wonder where she is. He is a bit down right now, but I think that it's actually a side effect of me, not him. I haven't left the house since the night it happened 4 days ago, even skipping classes. But I must leave now and I am finding it so difficult. Every time I leave the house I will see the "accident site" and it kills me. I guess this will just make me more numb to the world...again. I have never cried like this since my wife left me about 10 years ago. (Mind you we were both 20). I never thought I'd have tears to shed again, but I suppose I did.

My gf tries to help and she's taking things far better than I. She was at work when it happened and she cried when she came home. But since then she has been doing well, and I'm proud of her. I just wish I could be the same. She is being strong for both of us, and yet I'm pushing her away because of this. It is hard to look at her for some reason, and I don't know why. Now my sulking is causing our relationship to strain. It's sad that I know exactly what's going on and what is causing it, but I will do nothing about it.

I miss my baby living in the moment (as Susie said). So much so that I can't.

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shayless
hman,really sorry for your loss my man. i had a similar experience with the loss of my shay-shay several years ago [my heart and shadow]....i let the window down to far for her in my truck while running an errand,,i believe she must have seen a squirrel and escaped and was hit by a car....i was devastated and blamed myself and still do...but like someone said...they are called "accidents" for a reason..please dont be to hard on yourself...i can only tell you that "time" does heal your heart....i know this is a tough time for you...for the first two or three weeks i was almost suicidal with grief,,,,it was brutal. im glad you have a girlfriend to lean on....dont shut her out.....it will take time...trust me, hang in there...we will see our buddies again one day......i have to believe that.........peace,Bill
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Woodypatty
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 4 yr old Lhasa Raven in much the same way on Oct 30. The days get better slowly. Now I have more managable days than not. Though I've been having some trouble these last few days. Write often if it helps I know I did. I understand being affected by those last sites and the accident site. I still react strongly to seeing a dead animal on the road and that last site of my little girl still haunts me at times.The horrible pain of the first few weeks will ease. I don't think it will ever go away but we get use to life without our little loves. People tell me often that it was an accident and I have no blame but that didn't stop me from felling the heavy guilt.
Now it still rears its ugly head at times but is not as often nor as powerful. I wish I had more soothing words but this is a sad journey we take and the process is slow. Know that many here are listening and understand your pain. May you find some peace in this day.                                                                  Patty
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mybuddy
i am so very sorry for all you are going through. your story reminds me so much of what i am feeling also because buddy was hit by a car also. i know how you feel and wish i knew the words for the both of us. a friend told me to remember something that may help a little--there are many animals out there who never know love.. from the day they are born they have no one to love or care for them and even if the time we have with our best little friends is short--they had a life of love..something many will never know. i try to think of this when i am feeling bad and try to remember how much love buddy had while he was with me--i'm hoping this may help you a little..
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donnalee

HMan, I know this is just unbearable for you and you are taking it real hard so I don't want to bother you, but it has been about 5 days since we have heard from you and I'm the type who worries about people.  Are you ok?  I'm not asking you to write if you don't feel like it.  Just wanting to make sure you are holding together.  I know this is so painful and hard.  

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