scarletthoneybee
I lost my wonderful French Bulldog, Scarlett Honeybee in June of blast year We were best friends. She kept me from giving up when I found out I had Leukemia. Then I lost her.
7 months later I have a lovely new Frenchie. I names her Moxie Puddleduck. She is very "nose and food" driven. The Bee was all about people and love.
I just don't know if maybe Moxie smells I am sick and will never love me lIke the Bee did.?
I am considering sending her back to the lady I got her from, but then she would be made a breeding female and that makes me too sad.
I'm heartsick.
Also, I am not a person who just jumped on the French Bulldog bandwagon... When I got Scarlett Honeybee no one had heard of the breed.
I have known many frenchies, but only owned one, until Moxie. I just haven't bonded.
Help?encouragement?
Moxie starts puppy school tomorrow, I have had her 3 weeks.
Thanks
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scarletthoneybee
So sorry for the typos. I should have proofread this.
Thanks again for any encouragement. I don't remember if I had such discouraging moments with the Bee. I just don't know what to do.
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JerseyNonna
aaww sweetie, all I can offer to you is that as with humans our fur-babies all possess their own personalities and very seldom do we ever come across two who are alike.  I've had dogs all my life (along with 2 cats who could not have been more different) and none were similar to the rest but then that is a good thing in the end.  moxie has only been with you for 3 weeks and she still is in that period of adjustment as you are with her.  bee was such a huge part of your life for so long.  puppies normally are "nose and food" driven at first since hey, they are just like human infants/toddlers trying to get their bearings in their new world but they settle down.  again with humans love never comes first but friendship and like does.  please know that the type of love we all had with our loved lost babies took time and the memories made while that love progressed to what it became is what we grieve so heartily right now and it might be hard to believe we can ever have that kind of love again with another fur-baby.  honestly, you will never have the same exact type of love since that love was special and just between bee and yourself.  what I can honestly tell you is that the love you grow between yourself and moxie may even be a greater kind of love or sort of similar but different.  why?  because bee was her own personality and grew to know you and your heart.  moxie is just a baby trying to figure her new world with you out and maybe she senses your hesitation with her because of your overwhelming love and grief for bee.  only time can give you that answer hon.  I think many of us had those discouraging moments at first with our puppies but out of those discouraging moments come a love that we now all miss from our lives.  only you can decide whether you really want to start a relationship with moxie; to care for her, to raise her and love her as you did bee in the very beginning.  I wish you many hugs and prayers and know that we all here are here for the same reason - the loss of a very loved fur-baby.  you are not alone here and no need to say sorry for typos.  take care and hugs again
JerseyNonna
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Larissa
It's very easy to unintentionally compare our new friend to the one that passed. And they can pick up on that and on our grief. She may know that you are sick but I doubt that's why there is no connection yet. She may just be trying to figure it out. This is new for you both. It's not always love at first sight,but working on the relationship is what makes a great friendship. It's still new,give her some time ,give yourself some time. Good luck with puppy school,it sounds fun,and you deserve to enjoy it!
Larissa
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Beaglemomma
I agree with what has been posted above.  Give yourself time.  I think it is all too easy if you get the same breed to compare them when, like people, they all have their own personalities.  There may be breed similarities, but not personalities.  Give it time for you to see what this new little one is like, she may surprise you.

I do know there are animals that can sense illness in humans but rarely would that "put them off".  Most likely she is sensing your heart keeping its distance.  You are most likely fearful of getting hurt again, understandably, but you chose to invite this little one into your life, so open your heart to her, she is probably scared too and needing a lot of love.  After all she has left her home and family and doesn't really know you yet.

BUT if you truly feel you can't love this little life, then find someone who can give her the love she deserves. 
janice
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vlmatt
You actually DO love your new fur baby as a different and unique pet, separate with it's own personality from your loved furry that was created one and unique of its own.   Perhaps this will help with the addition of the NEW fur on the block which will not barr your grief and love.    We can never replace our loved one, only new ones to give LOVE as an oulet to help with our grief.   Maybe this will help too that it's not a replacement ok?  I pray for your grief to lessen, God is there and perhaps the book:  "Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates" by Gary Kurz will help -- it's an exceptional book on pets in heaven!  A 30 day devotional to help you get through your loss, no matter when you begin it, ok?  Blessings to you 
Vicki Mattingly 
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Apollo_the_great
My boy Apollo left us on 1/11/2015. It was almost more than I could bar. He was my sister's dog, but he was like my son-in-law because my dog, Onyx, and Apollo had lived their whole life's together, had puppies etc. In Sept, my sister got another puppy. I didn't want another dog to replace Apollo, but again, Zeus, is my sister's dog. As time went on, trying to keep on top of Zeus, the thoughts that I had of Apollo (his loss etc) were pushed aside thinking about Zeus. I still miss Apollo, but I have grown feelings for Zeus. So some of my misery has passed due to this. I think in time your commitment to your new baby will ease your pain. You just need to give her a chance. Don't compare her to Bee, because that is so unfair. Moxie isn't Bee. I hope things work out for Moxie and you. Of course Moxie isn't going to be what you were used to with Bee. I am sorry for your loss.
William
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Mistysmama
Once I had a dog named Toby, a great, spunky, love-of-life type dog, who lived to 14. I loved him very much. To me he was 'my little brother'. When he passed, I missed him SO much.
After a little while (not so long) I met my Misty. She was nothing like him. But after a short time I realised I had truly met my Soul Mate! Some sort of bond grew between us that is indescribable. I may never ever know that same thing again while on this Earth.

But now have a kitty to look after (wow....complete about-face!) A kitty who hates dogs, so that's it -no doggy for now....
There is no way I can feel the same about this sweet little cat as I feel for my Misty. But she needs me and she is nice, and so she gets my love and care.
And each time I am given someone to take care of I know it is "meant to be" for reasons I can't quite understand but can hear with my Heart.
We are given guardianship of other Souls, if we are lucky, by a kind of grace. It's important to honour our loved ones by trying our best.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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dee83
Hi,

I really feel for you. My beloved Bobby Bear died at at 7 months old in October 2015. I will never forget it. My situation is a little different than yours in that I had another dog at the time Bobby died.

I didn't leave the house for over a week. Luckily my partner was off work at the time. I just couldn't face thoughtless people saying that he was only a dog. To us they are not only dogs, we love them so much. Each and everyone of them is different and have their own personalities.

We have another dog, Teddy Bear, who at the time was 15 months old. He was bereft without Bobby. He wouldn't eat or drink and got very sick in such a short space of time. It equally hit my children hard especially my eldest daughter.

For their sake and Teddy's we decided to get another puppy. At the time Bobby's father had just sired another litter and we chose to take one of the males.  It was a really difficult decision to make. I really thought that I could not open my heart to another dog and I  felt pressurised into doing it for Teddy's sake as I was so worried about him. It helped a bit to know that the new puppy was Bobby's brother.

When we first seen the new puppy, Billy, I just cried. He was so like Bobby as a young puppy. At first I felt so disloyal to Bobby and I prayed that we had done the right thing. Again at first, everything Billy did reminded us of Bobby as he had so many of the same personality quirks. This was partly upsetting but partly helped us as it made us think that some part of Bobby lived on in Billy. Equally, I knew that Billy was not Bobby and nor did I want him to be Bobby. Bobby could never be replaced, not by anyone. Billy has his own personality which is really shining through now especially as he is now a bit older. 

I fell in love with Billy the moment I saw him and I do love him for who he is but it's still not been easy though. That love especially at the start was mixed with grief, sorrow and guilt. There are still moments when it really hits hard, like, a few weeks ago when Billy smiled for the first time. He was so like Bobby in that instance that it broke my heart.  So the happiness in that moment was mixed with sadness. I cannot imagine life without Billy now but I do accept that everyone deals with things differently and that this may not be the case for everyone.

As for my other dog Teddy, when we brought Billy home, he did start to gradually eat and drink again but it was a long process.  I am sure it was so confusing for Teddy. He couldn't understand where his friend had gone to and now he had this new playful puppy tormenting him. We had to keep a really careful eye on both of them for the first while as even though it was really good to see Teddy with a spark of life back in him. I could see that a lot of the time Teddy still wanted his own space and we had to make sure that he got that. Even now I can see that they are still not the great friends that Teddy and Bobby were but it is still heartwarming to see them plop down together on the their bed after a good game of chasing. I won't spend too long on Billy's and Teddy's relationship as I know it's not relevant in your case.

As I have mentioned we let Billy into our hearts and we truly do love him and he in turn is a really affectionate loving puppy.  I do have to mention though that around the same time my sister lost her dog too and when we got Billy she decided to take one of Billy's brothers. Unfortunately, they have not given him the love that he deserves. They brushed him away when he came to them for love and affection. They just could not open their hearts to him. This puppy is now very aggressive and nippy and totally different to Billy even though they came from the same litter. While I know that every puppy is different and have their own personalities and quirks just like humans, I cannot help but think that whilst he wasn't ill treated, he sensed that he wasn't truly loved and this has helped shape him into the dog he is becoming. 

I suppose what I am trying to say is that you are not being disloyal to Scarlett HoneyBee in loving your new puppy even though you feel you are. You do have to accept that Moxie Puddleduck is not Scarlet HoneyBee and never will be.  At times the new puppy may do things that will remind you of Scarlet and more than likely you will have mixed feelings of happiness and sadness but mostly Moxie Puddleduck will just be herself and if you let her in you will build a bond with her and grow to love her for who she is and not resent her for who she is not.

The reason why I mentioned my sisters experience is to show that it did not work for her and if you have tried and you really truly feel that you cannot open your heart to Moxie Puddleduck and give her the love she deserves maybe it might be kinder on both of you to let her go to someone who can.

Before you make that huge and hard decision try to visualise your life without her. Not your life without a dog in your home but your life without Moxie Puddleduck in it and that may just help you make your decision.

I really hope that things work out for you xxx








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Gertie
Hi, I was in the same situation 2 and a half years ago. I lost my best buddy Duncan. He was a 9 year old Lhasa and the love of my life. I was filled with grief and pain, I didn't know how to go on. Then a friend suggested getting another dog. The thought filled me with despair. Then 3 months after loosing Duncan I got Ivan an 8 week old Lhasa. Like you I missed all the wonderful things Duncan and I did together. I was now starting all over again. But the one thing that helped was I now had a little precious fur baby who needed me. It was not his fault he was not Duncan. He was a little fur ball learning the ropes, he needed me to love him and teach him. Today, Ivan is a funny, loving special little companion. He saved me from my grief. But for him to do that i had to let him become the new keeper of my heart. I know Duncan would approve.
Please give yourself the gift of love. I promise in time it will all work out.
But first you have to grieve Scarlett. Write about her here. Remember she is always near. She would want you to be happy. Moxie is not replacing her, she needs you to care for her and in time you will love her. If you have loved a fur companion once, you will again.
Give it time. Just remember you have a little baby who needs you. Give her a chance.
I hope I have been of some help. I hope to hear how things work out.
Sending hug's your way.

Ivan's Mom xx
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