Without thinking about the date it's like your heart knows. It's been almost exactly two months since I lost my Halfie. I still have bad days. I still sometimes see her sitting at the end of my bed, I still look for her and think i see her in the corner of my eye and than remember.... she's gone......that's not her it's just your heart yearning for her.
Halfie I still miss you so much. Yes I know you sent me a new puppy, and she's wonderful. She keeps me busy, makes me crazy just like you did, But she's not you.
God I miss your energy. I miss watching you and hearing you in the mornings running in and out the back door. I miss just seeing you in the back yard guarding your property. All the little things.......
We live in a world where so few people understand how much you can love an animal. Where so few people understand how deep the pain can be when you loose that animal. You try to go back to normal, try your best to do the things you need to do. But deep down your still in so much pain. Deep down you just wish you could turn back the clock to before it all started. I still remember the day the vet explained to me that my Halfie had gone into heart failure, That she had mitral valve disease and was basically having a heart attack. I remember my shock! This was for all I knew a very healthy dog and she was only 10 years old! It feels like that conversation took place yesterday. I wish to god i had known something was wrong with her before that day. But she never showed any signs at all that something was wrong. I still feel guilty. I wish I could bring her back! I wish I could relive those 10 years all over again. There is so much I would have done differently if i had known. You think your little buddy is fine, you think she's just great and than one day you wake up and your living a nightmare. I know that sooner or later this pain will fade. But It hasn't yet, I feel like I'm just getting very good at hiding it. Until one day it just spills over. My husband told me a few days ago when i was having an exceptionally bad day (that i couldn't hide) That i needed to go talk to someone... to get some help. How long is a reasonable time for grieving for an animal? I guess that's my question? I wish I could turn back the clock!! If i could she'd be laying right next to me right now. Everything in this house has changed since Halfie died. EVERYTHING! Their was an essence to that dog that I've never had before in an animal and I miss it so desperately. That crazy little animal that drove me up a wall half the time. I never imagined the impact she'd have on me in her passing. And it's driving me nuts! Someone please tell me after two months that all this is normal? I am trying, but this is so hard sometimes. Like I said I don't know why i even came here tonight till I looked at the date and realized it was exactly two months ago yesterday.