Lisasjf
Without thinking about the date it's like your heart knows. It's been almost exactly two months since I lost my Halfie. I still have bad days. I still sometimes see her sitting at the end of my bed, I still look for her and think i see her in the corner of my eye and than remember.... she's gone......that's not her it's just your heart yearning for her.
 Halfie I still miss you so much. Yes I know you sent me a new puppy, and she's wonderful. She keeps me busy, makes me crazy just like you did, But she's not you.
God I miss your energy. I miss watching you and hearing you in the mornings running in and out the back door. I miss just seeing you in the back yard guarding your property. All the little things.......

We live in a world where so few people understand how much you can love an animal. Where so few people understand how deep the pain can be when you loose that animal. You try to go back to normal, try your best to do the things you need to do. But deep down your still in so much pain. Deep down you just wish you could turn back the clock to before it all started. I still remember the day the vet explained to me that my Halfie had gone into heart failure, That she had mitral valve disease and was basically having a heart attack. I remember my shock! This was for all I knew a very healthy dog and she was only 10 years old! It feels like that conversation took place yesterday. I wish to god i had known something was wrong with her before that day. But she never showed any signs at all that something was wrong. I still feel guilty. I wish I could bring her back! I wish I could relive those 10 years all over again. There is so much I would have done differently if i had known.  You think your little buddy is fine, you think she's just great and than one day you wake up and your living a nightmare. I know that sooner or later this pain will fade. But It hasn't yet, I feel like I'm just getting very good at hiding it. Until one day it just spills over. My husband told me a few days ago when i was having an exceptionally bad day (that i couldn't hide) That i needed to go talk to someone... to get some help. How long is a reasonable time for grieving for an animal? I guess that's my question? I wish I could turn back the clock!! If i could she'd be laying right next to me right now. Everything in this house has changed since Halfie died. EVERYTHING! Their was an essence to that dog  that I've never had before in an animal and I miss it so desperately. That crazy little animal that drove me up a wall half the time. I never imagined the impact she'd have on me in her passing. And it's driving me nuts! Someone please tell me after two months that all this is normal? I am trying, but this is so hard sometimes. Like I said I don't know why i even came here tonight till I looked at the date and realized it was exactly two months ago yesterday.
Lisa
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/HALFI003/Resident.htm
Quote 0 0
judylinn
Dear Lisa, your post just brought tears to my eyes. Its been just over 2 months for me, and what you said, is how I feel. though I have alot better times, the last 2 days have been hard. so I understand how you feel.
The thing about grief, is that trying hard, doesnt really resolve things, sometimes that just burys things.
I think if your feeling this much pain, talking to someone might really help. It helps me...its a safe place to just let the grief out, and the counselor can help with all sorts of aspects of the grief.
I'm so sorry that you are hurting so much for Halfie, but Im glad that you came here for support.
I think probably everyone one of us, when we look back at the years with our furbaby, would do some things differently, I know I would, I was just thinking these thoughts right today, wishing I had it to do over again.
One thing I have learned for myself, is that when I start yearning for my beloved girl, the pain gets bigger and bigger, and sometimes yet, that still happens. even as I write to you, I know that is what I have been doing today, maybe thats why today the pain is so big.
We are here for you, and no 2 months isnt that long, when you have loved so deeply. Others may not understand why there is still so much grief, but they might not have had the same relationship with animals either.
take care, and I am so glad that you did come here, and write your heart out.I will keep you in my prayers.   Judy
Quote 0 0
Ponchosmommie
Lisa,

It has been 8 months since Poncho died, and I too, have another baby........but I feel exactly the same way. I have very few days that tears don't roll down my cheeks. He's always on my mind. Just this morning, I saw the word Thanksgiving on a magazine cover. Tears welled up in my eyes because this will be my first without him. We had about 18 inches of snow on the ground when Poncho left. I am so dreading seeing any snow this winter! Rocky has helped with the healing, but I don't think anyone or anything can ever fill the void that Poncho left. He was my little old man....we grew old together. Rocky is full of himself at 9 months! I love him dearly and don't know what I'd do without him....but my heart still cries for Poncho. So you see, we are all the same. All of us here love and care deeply for our pets. That's why it hurts so damn bad! What they give us, no human being is capable of. That's why the pain feels unbearable. Life goes on, but we'll always remember...with tears and smiles. They are forever in our hearts.


Quote 0 0
scamp
Lisa.

I know that pain let me say that you are not alone. I just suffer a recent loss my self its no joy I know. But let me assure you that in time things will start to look up. I know they are for me we all have days we wish would get over fast and others seem ok. Its a step by step prosses. Its very important to go ahead and let your self go. If you feel like screeming do it  or crying go for it. And know this at this site you do have people who truly do understand your pain. May God smile upon you.
Quote 0 0
txgal
Lisa....it is just over 8 months since my Jake died.  I adopted him as a rescue at age 2 (?) and had him for 15 years.  Except for being deaf the last few years his health was pretty good....fortunately he was only sick for about a week before I had to make a decision......

I too have adopted another dog..another mini schnauzer rescue, also 2, named Fritz.  He too is much different personality-wise from Jake, also somewhat physically different (on purpose) but it does not lessen missing Jake.  It helps, but Jakes presence is still missed.

The number of difficult days of course grow fewer but at times I struggle with depression.  I think Jakes death was just a "straw" if you will that tipped me toward that.  Fritz fortunately keeps me active in a way a 17 yr old dog could not so that really helps!

I don't know who to credit for this poem, but it gives me peace and comfort...

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
The sun will rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
Remembering how I'd lay my head
In your lap that special way.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But, as I turned to heel away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I never thought
That I would have to die.

I had so much to live for,
So many sits and downs to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought about our lives together,
I know you must be sad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

Remember how I'd nudge your hand,
And poke you with my nose?
The frisbee I would gladly chase,
The bad guy, I'd "bark and hold".

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd wag my tail and kiss you,
Just so I could see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories
Will take the place of me.
And when I thought of treats and toys,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My dog-heart filled with sorrow.

But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.

He said, “This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew. 
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each day's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
Now you have been so faithful,
So trusting, loyal and true;
Though there were times you did things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But good dogs are forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you sit here by my side,
And wait right here with me?” 

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart.

Quote 0 0
FreidasMom
Lisa, I know exactly what you are feeling. I told my husband tonight while at dinner that whether I die tomorrow or in 50 years, on my death bed Freida will be one of a few beings I hold dear in my heart as I go. She had a profound impact on me and I will treasure it forever. I can tell you feel the same way. Those of us here get it. I'm sending love and prayers your way that there is peace for you and understanding for your DH. 


Quote 0 0
DribblesMom

Lisa, it's only been a week today for me; so I don't know what to say. I think, maybe, you're here because you were lead here. There are kind and loving hearts here who understand what you're going through because they've been through it themselves.

Quote 0 0
DribblesMom

Txgal, thank you for sharing the poem. It was beautiful and I know it in time it will bring me peace too. I'm grateful my baby's healthy now and will be when I see him again.

Quote 0 0