Jessiesmommy
Hi everyone, Im sorry this is such a long post. I found this website and have been reading posts to see how I can begin to wrap my head around losing my baby girl Jessie earlier today. I can't stop crying.She was only 8 years old and from the day we adopted her and her brother at 12 weeks she slept on my pillow every night. I have not slept much since we brought her to the emergency vet 2 days ago and can't imagine she will never be here at home again on that pillow
She was a picky eater and she loved treats more than anything. In the last couple months she got pickier..I kept trying different foods and she'd eat the new food a few days and then stop and just cry for treats. I thought she was being stubborn, and a lot of people told me she would eat if I stopped giving her treats but she was losing weight. I made an appointment to bring her to the vet to get some help figuring out a diet plan. But two days ago, the day of her appointment she was a bit lethargic. She jumped up to look out the front window, but 2 hrs later she just started meowing in a strange way. Scared me. We took her to the emergency vet instead. Her blood glucose was low but blood work came back negative for feline leukaemia (she was negative as a kitten). An ultrasound didnt show anything but her temp was low. They put her on a iv with sugar and got her glucose levels back up and ran tests, they kept her overnight and put her on antibiotics, they thought it was an infection, some intestinal inflammation since her ultrasound looked okay. Her temp went back to normal overnight. She wouldnt eat for them but I went in Friday am thinking I could take her home and I would feed her with a syringe if necessary, they were going to give her appetite stimulant and more antibiotics. They were still concerned though everytime they stopped the sugar iv her glucose would drop and they wanted to keep her last night to monitor again so we agreed. They wanted to feed her and see she could maintain the blood sugar levels. I visited last night, she stood up when she saw me and I held her. She was weak but they were going to keep feeding her food in a syringe. I really thought shes scared shes never been away from home, she will eat when shes home. But they said she could have a seizure overnight at home so again she stayed. I had the worst feeling overnight. And this morning they called and said she was too weak to stand up so they did another ultrasound and saw fluid outside of her organs. The vet thought something perforated? Or a tumor burst??? I was literally just sobbing. They said surgery to find out what it was would kill her, shes too weak to survive anesthesia. A neighbor drove me and my husband there immediately since we were both beside ourselves.
The vet brought her to us. She said she would come back in a bit after we had time to say goodbye. I picked her up she was so weak. I held her and my husband I got it together to be calm for her...barely 5 minutes later, in my arms, she stopped breathing. My husband called for the vet and she came in and was stunned. It was like she was waiting for us to get there and once I had her in my arms she gave up???
I am so heartbroken I can barely type through crying. How did this happen, why, she was only 8. Her brother is looking for her around the house and jumping up and meowing to me. He has bit me a few times too hes mad and I am too, at myself maybe if I had taken her sooner I dont know. I can't understand what happened she deteriorated so fast.
All I know is she was like my daughter, I dont have kids and this is so much sadness I miss her already more than words can explain.
Thank you for reading this. Love to all of you feeling this same pain now because its beyond heartbreaking.
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nosunshine
Jessiesmom,

My heart broke reading your post. You've suffered quite a trauma today losing Jessie so suddenly. Go easy on yourself and just try and breathe, take it as it comes. It will take time for you to begin to accept this terrible loss.

Jessie's brother is of course missing her so he will need more attention but don't be afraid to show him you're so sad. You will grieve Jessie together and that is okay too. A friend told me when I lost my Sunny that I should do whatever felt good or comforting so that is what I will suggest to you as well. Do whatever you need to and whatever will bring you comfort. I still miss my dog every minute of every day so I can relate so well to your feelings.

I think that Jessie did wait for you because she wanted to pass on in a safe loving place, her mom's arms. I hope that knowing she left peacefully will bring you comfort.

I'm so sorry for your loss and heartbreak.

Blessings,
Sharon
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Jessiesmommy
Thank you so much Sharon. And I'm so sorry about your Sunny. I have been crying and/or holding Jessies brother all day. He's searching for her in the house and its just so hard to see. Luckily he doesn't mind me hugging him. I am so glad she held on until I got there and I was able to hold her. Thank you for your words, I know that Im going to miss her every minute just like you miss your Sunny.
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mordster
jessismommy.  I am so sorry for your loss and don't know what to say because everyone's loss is so individual.  I lost my beautiful cocker spaniel 2 days ago. She was 17 and like you, she was my baby as I don't have children of my own or even a partner, it was just me and her for 17 years... and now she's gone.  I still can't believe it. So many emotions go through you.  I spent the day crying and i'm exhausted. I put her first and cared for her right to the end when she was in so much pain. The only advice I will try to impart is for you just let yourself feel all those emotions as scary, painful and confronting as they are.  I know that I owe it to my Mordi to grieve the only way I know how.  It's very difficult but we need to grieve from the inside out so that healing can take place.  I ask myself what would my beautiful Mordi want for me and she would want me to be me so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do what she would have wanted.  But it's so painful.  
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sds
Jessiesmom,  I am so sorry for your loss.  What a shock it must be to lose your kitty so quickly and unexpectedly.  These are especially difficult times.  Be gentle with yourself.  I hope you will find some comfort in the days to come.  Thinking of you...
Sharon
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Jessiesmommy
Thank you sds and mordster for your words. I fell asleep last night somehow only to wake up at 430 and realized quickly when she wasnt on my pillow behind my head that it wasnt a bad dream. I lost it crying and her brother Walt came up from the foot of the bed and laid on my pillow. It was so sad. He is twice her size and barely fit but he stayed there until I got up. This is so painful I don't even want to walk in the kitchen to make coffee because I am going to see her bowls, all the different food cans I was trying to get her to eat, her things, but not her. Devasted doesn't explain this.
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sds
I'm so sorry for your pain and loss.  How bittersweet that Walt tried to fill in the space.  It's good you have each other.  I know how excruciating these early days are-- I am so sorry.  Just take one step at a time, one day at a time... 
Sharon
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