miasara
I deeply regret euthanizing my sweet Hazel.  What makes it worse is that she struggled and cried when she saw the vet and she was sedated.  That image is burned into my heart forever.  I can still hear her cries. For weeks, everyone was telling me it was time.  I delayed and delayed.  She was only 3 and a half but had serious chronic debilitating illnesses (auto-immune disease, severe colitis, rectal tumors, anal fistulas). She was difficult to treat medically (hated vets, needles, medication), could not poop, could not sit, had no appetite (rapidly losing weight), no interest in toys, slept most of the time, would grunt and cry out in pain. I thought I was doing what was best for her but not I am questioning that.  I know it is irrational to think that she knew she was about to die and was fighting for her life but I can't get that thought out of my head. the vet said she was fighting the sedation so maybe she was truly fighting to live.  I told the vet to stop after the 1st sedation because Hazel was so frightened.  I truly at that moment wanted to end the euthanasia. But then she had a 2nd dose of sedation and she finally settled down.  I worried about repeating this horrible traumatic scene again at a later date so in the end I consented to the euthanasia but now I want to change my mind.  I just want my little girl back.  How can I be so stupid?  How can I just let her go? How can I do something I can't undo? She was always by my side.  Now I'm so very sad and feel like a part of me is missing.
mia sara
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Mamabird
Please quit beating yourself up.Hazel loves you and it wouldn't have changed anything.When my Oscay had his first spell he wasn't the same anymore,we took him to the avian and told he had liver disease.I did regret taking him,but he got worse,quit flying barely talking.3 Weeks later he flew into heaven while in my arms.That was Oct1.Yes i cry everyday at some point.When its time nothing will stop it.Hugs
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Poshpaws86
I think the guilt is there no matter what situation you were put in. Many of us in this forum wonder if it was too early, too late or if simply could have done anything differently. Some of us chose to put our pets to sleep, others experinced accidents or maybe their pets died at home.

I think the sense of guilt is there either way and I do belive it’s a normal part of the process. You need to grieve and allow yourself to feel all these emotions. I’ve had friends trying to talk to me but I almost get frustrated by their attempts to make me feel better :) because it’s normal to feel what you feel...you lost your beloved pet. You feel guilty because your pet is no longer here because of a decision you made. Like I wrote before it doesn’t matter if it was early, late or an accident. The guilt is there and I assure you I feel it too.

Just know many of us feel the same way, you are not alone in this. You will never know if you did the right thing at the right time. You just need to remember you loved your pet and all you did was out of love. The time would eventually come, you took a decision for the sake of your best friend.
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miasara
Thank you mama bird and posh paws- I sincerely appreciate your kind words and support- they mean a great deal to me. I just have this horrible feeling that I let my sweet pup down.  That she counted on me and I failed.  I'm not sure how to shake this feeling but it is eating me up.  I hope she knew how much I loved her and how my decision was based on that love.
mia sara
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pannklaus
I am very sorry about your loss of sweet Hazel and guilt you feel.  You say that she hated vets, 
needles and medication. Given that, her reactions at the vets office  were probably based on those feelings.  She was going through another medical procedure.  She didn't know what the outcome would be.  From the description of the many medical problems she had it was definitely time to let her go.  Making the decision is one of the most difficult many of us ever have to make.  But it is an unselfish act of kindness and love to let our babies go when there is not going to be quality of life for them anymore. Once the precious one is gone, you are left with all the grieving,  pain, emptiness and guilt which you are going through.  But from your description of things, this was a very clear cut situation in which euthanasia was necessary.  Other observers told you that it was, your baby was no longer able to perform basic biological functions, she had multiple serious medical conditions.   I hope that you will be able to come to see that what you did was necessary and an act of kindness to end her suffering.  Over time I hope you will be able to stop focusing on those final minutes and begin the think about the pleasure and joy she gave you, the fun you had with her and feel gratitude for the time you had together.  I know this is very hard to do and I am so sorry about everything you are going through now.
Patsy
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miasara
Pannklaus/ thank you so very much. Your kind reply greatly helped me. Reading what you wrote truly gave me a better perspective and I am so grateful. Please know that I very much appreciate you taking the time to reply. Your words are extremely comforting.
mia sara
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