What a beautiful cat, your Bruschi was. I'm so sorry to hear what happened. Cancer can be a fast worker. It can come out of nowhere. It seemed to have manifested so quickly that you could not have prepared for it. Cry if you need to. It's still so new for you. I am still crying since last Xmas Eve, a sudden loss for me. I won't let myself forget him. I am still not ready to more than glance at pictures and videos of my little dog. Your grief is not unusual. It may last a while. Everyone is different. Come here often. There are good people here who will comfort you. You won't feel alone. Your grief is shared by others who grief for different reasons. Your loss is shared by others for different reasons. We are all each other's support system.
You experienced a great loss of a friend, a family member, your little boy. I'm still traveling that road and it seems the road doesn't end. I'm still grieving or maybe I'm mourning at this stage. I'm not sure, but I know it still hurts. You take care and take your time to grieve and your memories with Bruschi. The poem I am going to post is a sad one (get out your tissues). As sad as the poem is, the message from the poem is that Bruschi would not want you to feel guilty because is beyond your power. Sometimes we have no choice.
Please be well.
~ Parker's Mom
The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close — we two — these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
— Julia Napier