Mel, your post broke my heart, I don't know if there is anything I can say, but I truly do understand where you are in this grief process. I lost my little Chihuahua 'China Doll' in January to congestive heart failure, she was 10. She slept with me on my chest for 10 years, every single night. I learned how to sleep on my back and not move, and I gladly did this. She was 2.9 lbs when she passed, her highest weight was 3.5 lbs. So little, so sweet, an angel. I still can't talk about the minutes before and after she passed, I don't think I ever can. The grief was profound, I have never felt anything like it, it was shocking, scary. Couldn't breathe, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Going to bed was the worse possible situation, to not have her touching me, it was awful. I learned later that she is what they call my 'heart dog'. I had many dogs before her, but this loss, was so different, not even remotely the same. I did a lot of reading to try and understand why this grief was so over the top, the 'heart dog' explanation helped me. I'm logical too, my whole career was in computers, math, science. But this level of pain and grief just didn't make sense to me, until I understood the bond, the bond that was so different than any before, one I probably will never experience again. It changed me forever, but I wouldn't trade anything to avoid this. This grief, this level of pain, is only because of how intense the love and relationship was between us. It was unavoidable, once I fell in love, this journey of grief was to come. I am so thankful that I outlived her, the thought of me leaving the house one day and not returning to her was unbearable, so, this is the way it had to be. I am a better person for knowing her, I am changed forever, she left me a gift that I will have for the rest of my life. I feel Peet was this kind of love for you. Your heart dog, a once in a lifetime bond. You will make it, it will be hard, waves of emotions on and off, but slowly you will come out of this dark time and into a lighter time. Peet will live in your heart forever, you will be reunited one day, this bond cannot be broken. I'm so glad you found your way here, so many wonderful people helped me along my way, I hope we can help you. You have my prayers and blessings for peace and comfort in the weeks and months ahead.