Solo1419
I am heart broken. I lost my best friend Buck January 19th. I cry all the time. I am so lost without him. I had him 17 years. I feel so alone. I am so depressed. I had to put him down after learning that he had an enlarged heart pushing on his trachea. I found out in October. I was up 3 times a night with him. I feel guilty that I had to end his life. The pain is unbearable. I am seeing a counselor but it doesn't help. I miss him so much. I don't know what to do.
Quote 0 0
bluebubble
I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I think we all have different timelines for our grief. You will be able to move forward when your heart is ready. Right now, your heart and mind need to grieve and process the loss.

Be kind to yourself... I know a lot of people find a small ritual they find comforting. Right now, every morning I go to my bookshelf and rub the photo I have of Piper right above her ear. I know it might sound silly, but it makes me feel connected to her somehow.

The best gift you could give Buck when he was suffering was to release him from his pain. You did the best you could for him. Share your feelings with your counselor, especially if you think the sessions aren't helping - maybe they can try a different approach that works for you and your situation.

Take care.

Quote 0 0
WILCO
Solo,

I am going through the very same pain. It's horrible. All I can say at this point is God Bless. Buck was lucky to have such a wonderful home.
Quote 0 0
BSmith1199
I know how you feel.  I truly do.  Today it has been a year since we put our Dax out of her misery.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  I still feel pangs of guilt over it, but it has gotten better.  I can recall her life and smile now.  I still miss her and probably always will.  She was one of kind.

You will get to feeling better.  It happens without you doing anything but taking each day as it comes.  Time is the healer of all wounds and while it sucks to go through it, it also serves to remind each and every one of us how special these family members are.

My prayers are with you.  Hang in there.  It does get better.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
Quote 0 0
Tommyhunter123
I have been going through the very same pain as you since October 1, 2015 when my beagle Luckydog went to rainbow bridge. This has been the hardest time of my life and sure with time we feel better but it only teaches how to deal with the pain. I wish you well and it does get a bit easier with time but they are never forgotten.
david gaspari

David R. Gaspari
Quote 0 0
maryellen1952
I know how you feel.  I have had to put 3 Pekingese dogs to sleep due to collapsing trachea and several others due to kidney failure, heart disease, and cancer.  Some of them were less than 7 years old so it was even more devastating for me.  I had a little blind Pekingese who was my favorite; she died in 2012 and I still to this day think about her and it makes me cry.  I don't think you ever get over a death; you just learn to cope with it but it still lingers in your mind when you think about the pet.  I am not a religious person but I truly hope that one day I can be reunited somewhere in the universe with all my sweet dogs.   DSCF2261.JPG 
Quote 0 0
Beaglemomma
I don't know what I could possibly add to what has been said here so well, but I am right there with all of you.  I lost my Molly at Thanksgiving and am still having melt downs daily.  I just miss her so much there aren't words to describe the pain, so all I can say I guess is that you are not alone for sure.  this site is a life saver for most of us.  Here you can cry, scream, whatever you are feeling and no one will judge you.

So many hurting people it is just heartbreaking. I wish I could take all the pain for all of you and make it all right.  If only it worked that way.  Just knowing that you are NOT crazy for missing your baby helps a teeny bit.  Don't let ANYONE tell you that you have cried enough or that it was "just an animal"---------There is no such thing as "just a pet"---they are a HUGE part of our lives and are better than a lot of even family.

They love unconditionally and NO ONE has or will EVER great you like your baby when you have been gone for even a short time.  That is when it hits me the worst.  Coming home to NOTHING.

Please know you are not alone, not crazy, not moving too slowly.  there is no time line for grief. This is YOUR topic but seems impossible for us to resist posting pictures of our babies too.
Birthday photo.JPG 
janice
Quote 0 0
Solo1419
I love to see pictures of everyone's babies. It bring comfort to my heart. It's truly amazing how fur babies impact our lives. The unconditional love from Buck is what I miss most.
He knew me better than anyone else. I really miss him.
Quote 0 0
Solo1419
Buck would ring a bell with his nose when he needed out.
This morning I was woken by the sound of the bell. I heard it twice in my sleep.
Quote 0 0
Baumert81
Cherish those little moments in your dreams SOLO, I would love to hear a familiar sound from my buddy:(
Hogans Daddy
Quote 0 0
jimmy17
Maybe Buck is trying to let you know that he is still with you in spirit. I think that you do get that special `Once in a Lifetime` dog  with whom we forge such a close bond that is impossible to break.  I lost my special one almost 13 weeks ago, and I and my husband ( who was such a sceptic), have heard and seen things that can only be our Jim. We both can still smell his little `doggy` smell occasionally also - only for a few seconds - but it is a little comfort to us both, and makes us feel like he`s checking in on us sometimes.
 Jim was 17, and we had to have him pts, the most awful day of our lives. The grief is unbearable, but you will get through it. I still cry most days, but I can also look back at the great times we shared with him - we never had kids so he was our baby.
 You`ll miss Buck forever, but he`ll always have a special place in your heart.
                            Hugs, Jackie. 
J Taylor
Quote 0 0
Solo1419
I feel so much quilt. I feel I brought this on. We sold our home and temporary moved to a small apartment. I separated Buck from his long time house mate Bobbie my other pom. She hated the apartment so I let a friend take her until we moved again. I would have to leave Buck to go to work and I would come home right after work. I would hear him howling. He never howled before. When I came in the door he barked and ran in circles. I noticed he couldn't make it up the stairs after our walk. One night he started coughing and we were up all night together. When morning came I called the vet in tears and took him in. They told me he has a heart murmur and kennel cough. This just didn't make sense to me. I found a new vet and took him right away. They did x-rays and showed me how big his heart was and it's pushing on his trachea. They gave me a lot of medicine and we went home. Things got better for a while. The coughing started again and I was at the vet at least once a week. We finally got moved and I couldn't wait to have Buck in a better home. He wouldn't take his pills anymore. In the meantime I got sick myself. I was sick for 6 weeks. Being up with Buck 3 times a night was wearing me out. My dad got sick and I was trying to care for Buck my dad and myself while having to go to work. I was exhausted. Buck started coughing again and I ran him to the vet on Saturday morning. Sunday night he was coughing so hard all night long. I slept on the floor with him. I called the pet emergency because I thought I had to put him down. That was at 2 am. I put him in the car only to get him back out because I didn't want to end it this way. I stayed up all night and at 6am called a company called Home to Heaven. I explained what was going on and I had to put him down. By 930 they came. Very caring person came into my home and put Buck down. I feel guilty that I did it to soon. If I wasn't sick myself I would have had more strength to care for him. I feel guilty because of separating him from Bobbie. I feel guilty that I left him in the apartment by himself when I had to work. I just feel guilty because it ended this way. I can't get over the guilt that I put him down.
Quote 0 0
jimmy17
Guilt is a terrible thing,  and I think almost all of us here have felt it. I know I certainly did when we had to have our 17 year old dog pts almost 13 weeks ago. Even though I know we had no choice and that we did the only thing possible to relieve him of discomfort and old age, for weeks afterwards I felt it was somehow my fault that he was no longer here.

You did everything possible for Buck, while caring for your dad and yourself, and going out to work. Its also exhausting having to get up through the night, but you did it, ( we were also getting up a couple of times a night with our Jim - it takes its toll ). Try not to feel guilty - Buck would hate you to feel that way - sometimes we just have no control over things. You will start to slowly feel better, each day gets a little easier, but be kind to yourself, you did everything you possibly could for him. 
                                    Hugs, Jackie.












J Taylor
Quote 0 0
Ellasdad
I like so many others can relate Solo. I had to put my 6 year old down two days ago. I went to a specialist after my primary vet said it was time, the specialist said it was time, and finally the doctor who helped my Ella pass said she thought it was the right time as well. I dont know if the last one was just being sympathetic or was genuine but 3 doctors in two days told me it was the right thing to do and I still have immense guilt that I did it.

Similar to your Buck I could of cared for my girl longer but her quality of life was only going to get worse. You did the right thing and sent Buck to a better place before his pain get debilitating. You like me may not feel like you did the right thing now but I think for both of us time will let us view the situation rationally and you will know that you made the right choice at the right time and your beautiful baby did not suffer and was with you at the end. Prayers and thoughts to you.
Ella 2010 - 2016
Gone to soon, loved so much.
Quote 0 0
loveourdaisy
Please read the forum topic:
" Things Your Deceased Pet Wants You to Know "

It is the exact information anyone that has had a soul animal needs to know.
Trying to heal in this world through the use of our five senses is impossible.
These miraculous bonds began in a different realm and nothing can ever break them.
They are eternal . . .
Quote 0 0