Hello, everyone. My name is Andrea, I'm 23 years old and my beloved dog Tomás died yesterday. He died in his sleep, warm under the sun. He was 17 years old and he was a Poodle. He was the most noble dog that I've ever met and my best friend. I loved him like crazy. My mom got him when I was 6 and I can't remember a time in my life without Tomás in it. He was just part of me, we were partners in crime. I swear,  his eyes were full of love when he looked at me.

Today they sent me the ashes and I can't stand the thought of my beautiful dog inside that little wooden box. I know he wasn't his body and that he is running in heaven now, but the box is just too much for me. I'll bury it in our garden, but meanwhile I can't even look at it. It's so hard for me to understand how his warm, fluffy body was by my side yesterday and today all I have is that urn.

I feel so bad for not wanting to keep the ashes like other pet owners seem to do, I feel like I'm betraying him for not wanting the box inside the house.

Am I alone in this? I'm just so sad right now...

Thank you for reading

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Hi Andrea,

I'm sorry about Tomas. After having him around for so long you must feel very lost. My Sunny left in December and I still can't believe he's really gone. When you said "his eyes were so full of love when he looked at me" I felt like I wanted to cry. Sunny's eyes always beemed love at me. I hope it would be alright to suggest maybe keeping Tomas' ashes somewhere out of sight for now in case you decide at some point down the line that you do in fact want to have them. This pain is all consuming sometimes. I wander around my place which feeling like a ghost of myself because he is gone. I don't know of this will help you. I find it helpful sometimes to come here and realize I'm not the only one who feels so very heartbroken but it's also so hard knowing someone else is going through this gut wrenching pain.
Take Care, Andrea. My wishes for your heart to begin to heal.
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