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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #46 
Jeditaz I am so sorry about your sudden loss of Taz. I lost my Christopher 12/7. He was 16 and I had him from 6 weeks as well. When you have had a fur baby that long they are so much a part of your life it is hard to imagine life without them. So very sorry about losing your parents not too long ago. My Dad passed at 57 when I was only 21. My Mom got cancer and died only 6 months after. But at least I had time to say goodbye. With Christopher I did not have time just like with Taz. We found out he had a mass in his stomach one night and had to put him down the next afternoon. He was struggling to breath as well. I was numb at first but finally was able to cry. I keep his things around. Especially his bed even though he took his last breath in it. He loved his bed so much. I still see him sleeping in it. Right now I am in the hospital. It's harder being home when he's not there. My Christmas is going to be hard. I just hope I get out of the hospital soon. I still have things to do. Not going to be wanting to do much celebrating.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #47 
The other night, my husband brought home Christopher's ashes. That opened up a floodgates of tears. That was the finality of our loss. As my husband said our friend, my baby is gone. Such a precious little life. We miss him so much. We all know we will lose our fur babies which seems too soon. They don't typically live that long. Our baby was 16 so we were blessed. Somehow that doesn't seem long enough though. We tried to give him a good life. We did everything we could until cancer got him. Fortunately he didn't suffer long. His passing was peaceful. He seemed ready to leave this world. He knew it was time. He said goodbye to his perch, his beds, his room. By laying in each one, methodically. He had his mommy time with me. Fell asleep in my arms to say goodbye. He was God's gift to us and we treasured him. Our house and hearts are empty. Goodbye precious boy. You made us so happy. We loved you so much. Your is God's hands now.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #48 
No longer by my side, but forever in my heart.
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Jeditaz

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Reply with quote  #49 
Amen to that! I'm with you about Christmas. Kinda wish we could just skip the gatherings this year. I feel like I'm trying to make being okay already when it's needed. But I'm not okay. This was like losing one of my kids. And that was something I couldn't even fathom before. I knew he would go. Was just hoping for the longer end for his lifespan. Now I'm worried his brother that we got the same day is going to be around. Thank goodness for the other cats. But Taz was special. He was like a dog in that he would come anytime you would call or make his special noise. He was always wanting to be where we all were. Other cats just come when they feel like it mostly. I just want to be at home this year. But still the same time who knows...this may be my last Christmas with one of these people. I worry about that stuff more nowadays. But still....this hurts me to the core. Heartbroken, and nothing I can do to fix it. I don't even want to tell my wife I don't want to go. She copes differently than I do. The kids....well I have to be there with them. They are taking it rough. Especially my two boys. But anyway...enough about that. I hope you end up having a wonderful Christmas. Remember Christopher for the time he had with you. I think about how bad Taz would have taken it had it been me. He couldn't stand it if I were gone for a couple days. That gives me some comfort.
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #50 
Jeditaz, So sorry to hear about your loss of Taz. He sounds like a very special and well loved cat. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss of your parents as well. I sometimes called T. T. my little dog cat. He almost always came when he was called and up until a few years ago he would play fetch with his sponge balls. T. T. loved Christmas and would always seek out his presents. His brother Mustache was a very routine cat and didn't care for all the comings and goings of Christmas. Christmas is hard.I try for family to not seem too sad. Life is just not the same without them. Cannot greive summed it up well! I try to keep the memory of them close. I was blessed to be with them at their births, through a long life (18 and a half years), and with them at their passings. The amount of joy they brought me was beyond measure. RIP T. T. and Mustache. You will always be well loved.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #51 
Merry Christmas to all who are mourning and missing their precious fur babies. Life is not the same without them. House is quiet and lonely. Mommy loves you so much little boy. Even though you are not here this Christmas, you are here in spirit and in my heart. Yes it is like loosing a baby. Part of the family. It is hard.
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #52 
Merry Christmas to all. Though I know to those of us who have recently lost little ones, it does not always seem Merry. Just got home which is always sad without my furry greeting party. I hear you about losing part of the family. Hope you find comfort keeping your precious boy close at heart. I like to picture my boys at an animal Christmas and also remember them when they were young.
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arosettamason48

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Reply with quote  #53 
Merry Christmas to everyone. I thought I was alone in not wanting to do anything for Christmas. It was such a rough day. I woke up at noon.. laid in bed.. listened to my family have dinner while I did absolutely everything to keep my mind off of the reality. My gifts are unopened under the tree. I went up to my bedroom where the accident happened to make sure my tree was on in there for Greenbean. I lit him a candle and told him Merry Christmas and cried for him before I retreated back downstairs to my living hell.

I know I am taking this a lot worse than what is probably normal in mental health terms, but I never got to say goodbye to him. I will never get over how happy we were all day together that Sunday, for his life to just be completely taken away just like that.. just because I turned my back on him. I've always been a sad person (thank you depression) and in my almost 30 years I never found anything that made me happy and gave me light like he did. I hate the term "move on" because I don't want to move on from him.. and "move forward" isn't any better because I don't want to move forward when he was the only thing that filled the hole in my heart. He was just a tiny innocent and defenseless baby that loved me with his entire heart and soul. How do you find closure when what happened was your fault and what happened was so incredibly sudden and horrifying..

I have been thinking of all of you today and I hope those who did celebrate and attend their usual festivities are able to find some story of semblance of normalcy
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #54 
arosettamason48 I am so sorry about your sudden loss of your fur baby. We are having a difficult time because we felt we didn't have a chance for a proper goodbye. I know how much that hurts. I also understand the pure happiness a little one can bring. Whenever I was down he always made me smile. I sang to him. Talked to him. And he talked back lol 😉
I had huggy kissy time. I really miss all of that. Waking up and no baby next to me. They really do fill a hole in your heart. I know your heart is broken. I don't know what happened but it sounds like you have a right to grieve. Don't let anyone tell you to move on or forward until you are ready. People keep asking us. "Will you get a another pet" Like he can be replaced? Like a play toy. That gets me angry. I know they mean well. Like you said, he was a precious little life. Unconditional love. No, he will be the last baby that has my heart. He was so special. I don't think I could love another like I did him.
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #55 
Arosettamason48, I am very sorry to hear about your loss of Green bean. I am also having difficultly with people wanting me to move on, usually by talking about getting another pet. For me to get another pet so soon wouldn't be fair to anyone. First and foremost my precious little boys deserved to be mourned like the family members they are. They have unique personalities, spirits, and relationships to me and other family members. Their spots in my heart are permanent! They can never be replaced! I also deserve the right to greive my boys in my own time and way. Right now I know I also couldn't love another pet as much as I loved T. T. and Mustache. My focus is to keep them close to my heart. I understand having a hole in my heart. They were such a big part of my life. I spent a lot of time pampering them, cuddling with them and petting them. Mustache slept on my hip and T. T. slept by my head and now they're gone. It hurts so darn much. I find myself whenever I have downtime either wishing I could go pet them or sometimes thinking I'll go pet them. I just love them so and in this lifetime can never get them back.



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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 90
Reply with quote  #56 
rachellel. I agree with everything you said. I was very sad and missing Christopher today. I need to keep the radio or TV on. It is too quiet around here. Still have his things out. Can't bear to put them away.
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Jeditaz

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Reply with quote  #57 
I was right there with you all on Christmas. Just didn't even want to do it. For the wife. For the kids. For nothing. I just managed to glide through. Funny thing. I have 7 other cats. Bought this house a year and a half ago with 4. Taz and Chino we got the same day, same place... Woodrow about 2 years later. And Charlie who I found in a Walmart parking lot. The house came with a cat...kid who lived here swore that he only needed us to cat sit. Lol. A year and a half later and he moved for away. Then a neighbor's cat...who is declawed and they let outside wouldn't leave the back porch. He finally gave in and let me take him in. Then two others we got for two of my kids. They were part of a feral colony. But my point. 7 others...and I don't get the same feeling with any of them that I did with Taz. I love them all. Chino has stayed by my side a lot. But he is a moody cat. Woodrow...well...he is just himself. And Charlie just loves to lay at my feet. Taz would sleep almost all night on my chest if I stayed on my back. I don't think anyone is grieving here at my house like I am. Nor do they get it. They see big strong get through everything dad. Right now. I'm just a scared little boy. I can't sleep. I go outside every night at midnight and talk to him. I'll never forget 12-12 at 12 AM. Feels like a piece of my soul is missing. Can't cry half the time. I have rearranged the entire house. I'm probably right there with you arosettamason48. Been 16 days. Been through deep grief a ton in the last 4 years. A lot of people I have known all my life or a good portion of it have passed. Close family. Friends. But nothing prepared me for this. Some seem to think I'm stuck in it and not moving through the stages. I know I am. It's just so up and down and all over that I can't even think straight unless I'm doing something like rearranging or buidling something. I feel like a crazy man most days. Though I know I'm not. I just lost a huge piece of my heart when he died. He was there when noone else was or even could be. He would take all three pains and anguishes away with his small purr and face rams. Let me know it was all going to be okay. Now. I'm just lost.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #58 
Jeditaz I have been crying myself to sleep. Missing Christopher more each day. I understand what you mean about a fur baby being so special. My Christopher was not just a cute furry thing in my house. He had a personality. Brought us so much joy. He was my baby. Last night my husband and I were questioning putting him down. Our vet convinced us everyday would get worse for him. We had one day to decide. We wished we could get that day back. I talk to him too. Still have his things around the house. Can't bear to put them away yet. Sorry you are greiving so deeply. But we all must greive.
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Reply with quote  #59 
Canotgrieve
Im so sorry about your loss of Christopher.
I just a few hours ago had to put down my little cat Henry. He was 11 years old and had lung cancer.
I did everything I could to keep him going and actually got 2 additional months with him had I not.
Now I'm back home and I'm so lost. I don't know what to do with myself. My heart is broken completely in half and I can't imagine life without him. I can't stop crying and longing for him to be back with me. It feels all like a horrible dream and I just want to wake up and see his little face telling me to get up as he did every morning of my life for 11 years. This little furbaby was my life and now he's gone. I know exactly how you feel.
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Jeditaz

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Reply with quote  #60 
Funny how most of us started in this particular thread unable to cry, feeling almost numb. Now look at us. All going through various different phases. I'm just glad to have found support here.

I walk into my house, 7 other fur babies, 4 kids still at home, and my wife...and this place feels so empty. Nothing is as it was. I wish I could say that Taz had his own personal things that I was able to treasure. But he shared everything with all of his brothers...and sister. His heart was amazing, especially for a cat. Cats have their own ways. But Taz was just different in every way. Much like most of yours were. I guess it's how we perceive them in our hearts. My God I would love to have him asleep on my chest clawing my neck like he always did. Waiting in my spot in the bed for me to get in and lay down with him. My heart has what feels like a hole in it. Flutters when I try to do anything more than just slowly. I was watching a video of him going from my daughter's arms to my shoulder....always on the left side! Had to feel my heart beat it guess. Smiling...remembering that day. Stood up from the computer with a grin, and moments later it was like everything was just pulled from me. Ran into the bathroom so I wouldn't wake anyone and cried so hard veins were sticking out of my head. Face red, eyes red....and just begging God to give him back to me. I'm so lost. My family sees it. My cats seem to notice. They flock to me a lot more than they did before. Guess because Taz kinda took that spot before. I just need to get away from this down feeling. It's almost consuming some days. Can't do anything without remembering that he would normally be right there. Or in eyeshot. I am thankful to be unemployed at the moment. I don't know how I would be able to put in the effort needed at a job. I'm not trying to rush myself through my grief. Just trying to be just okay. Just for a little bit at a time. And I'm just not okay. At all. I feel my chest ache every time I turn around. Talking to my wife about my current state is hard. Both Christian's, but I just have so much hurt towards God right now. And she really tries to listen. But of course I get the normal reasons that God allows us to go through things. Sometimes I just need to say it out loud. And I know it hurts her to talk about Taz, so I try to be respectful of that. We all grieve in our own way. And I know Taz would want me to be happy that he isn't suffering. But it's so hard to push past this pain.

Anyhow, thank you all for listening to this grown 40 year old man wimper. My body can take a lot....but my heart. Just brings me to my knees. And my heart is so broken that all I can do is try to put it out there. It helps me make sense of all of this I guess.
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