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Jeditaz

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Posts: 7
Reply with quote  #106 
I totally understand. Personally, I think it was a bit soon for me to get a kitten. That's why all the conflicting feelings came rushing in. But it has also allowed me to adapt to moving forward. Read through book, grief recovery handbook. It was helpful to me while my wife and I partnered up to read it together. But once I started throwing new job, it all came to a standstill. I was back in the stagnant, not moving in any direction and getting worse part of grief. I couldn't move out of it. Didn't want to do anything. Wasn't good for my family to watch me drowning in it like I was. I knew I had to do something. But getting easier....no. I can tell you every time I sit next to his little grave I cry. I cry that he is outside...even though he always wanted to be outside. I miss having him layed out on my chest. It's funny, his brother who we got the same day, Chino, likes to lay on my chest now. It's like his thing now that Taz is gone. I guess it's his way of bonding with me and us missing Taz or something. He never did it before other than here or there. But nothing takes the pain away fully. But I am distracted from it, and thankfully learning to smile again. I just can't wait to be reunited with him when my time comes. I pray for peace in all of us. It's just like losing a child. We care for them for years. They care for us. And then in an instant, they are a mere memory, and not there for us to hold any longer. And the pain that comes with that loss is a price I have to be happy to pay, because I would have not known love like that had Taz not been a part of my life. I never want to give that up.
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neesy369

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Posts: 236
Reply with quote  #107 
I understand Missmysweetboy.  It will be 2 months this Monday and 5:15 for me that we had to send my handsome Sammy over the bridge.  Today I feel like he is so far away from me for some reason.  I was seeing signs from him and I did feel him near me, but today not so much for some reason.  I feel like he has left me all over again.  I don't know if he is busy with God things up there or if he is mad at me or if he has forgotten me.  No matter, I will never forget him and whatever he is doing and wherever he is, he is always and forever in my heart.  I miss him so very much
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/SAMSA005/Resident.htm
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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #108 
It has been almost three months for me. I agree with everyone who feels their fur babies were one of a kind. It is amazing how God sends us these precious ones just for us. I also feel the love I had and received was unlike any other. The love us no matter what. All they ask is for our love and protection. I sometimes feel like I need to try to keep Christopher in my mind as much as I can to keep him close. I talk to him, sing to him. I started putting pictures of him all around. He was a special part of our family. Our family is broken 💔. We loved him so much. I never thought I could love a pet that much. So very sad we only have them what seems to be a short time. Our lives were blessed having Christopher in it.
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155

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Posts: 138
Reply with quote  #109 
Aww it is so easy to see just how much you loved your Christopher and how much he loved you in return. They truly are gifts from God that we are given the honor of taking care of and loving with every ounce of our being.
I know Christopher was a fortunate little boy and he was well aware of how much he was loved and cherished . That's all we could ever hope for.
God Bless all of our beautiful fur angels and let us be together again one day🕯
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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #110 
I know how much you loved your Henry too. It's hard picturing them in different spots they enjoyed. Christopher had a perch in the window he loved so much. When we moved recently he didn't use it as much. But days before we lost him he was on it. Saying goodbye to all of his things. I just put more pictures of him in his room. I have a picture on the wall in our bedroom that I talk to him. He is looking at me and I feel close to him. Our precious babies. They are so missed. 😥
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Missmysweetboy

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Posts: 38
Reply with quote  #111 
Hi all,
Sounds like we are all making progress in dealing with our grief. I am so glad. Though, it is definitely two steps forward, one step back. Just when I think I have satisfied myself that I didn't fail my boy, I am right back to questioning myself and asking the "What ifs?" When I have gone a whole day without crying and i think I am all cried out, the tears start streaming. Oh Buddy, how I miss you!
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neesy369

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Posts: 236
Reply with quote  #112 
Hi Missmysweetboy, I completely understand.  It was two months last night that I have not been with my Sammy and I also thought I was doing good and then yesterday I completely fell apart again.  I could barely work.  I felt like was was right back to when it happened.  You are so right, it is two steps forward and one step back.  But I know with the help of this website and the people on it, we will get through the rough spots.  I hope today is easy for you.  

Denise Sam (Sammy)'s mommy

_______________________________________
Sammy you are my Always and Forever...love mommy

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/SAMSA005/Resident.htm

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Missmysweetboy

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Reply with quote  #113 
Thank you Denise. Hope you and all our friends here have a good day too. It helps so much to have friends here who understand absolutely and completely . Hugs, Randi (Buddy's mommy)
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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #114 
The what ifs are hard. We all try to do what's best for our babies. We did everything we could to address and take care of Christopher's health issues. At the end he stopped eating and drinking. Then the last day he kept hiding. His doctor said even if we went through with treatment, it would have only given him weeks. The doctor felt he wouldn't be able to tolerate it. We did what we thought was best. She said each day would have gotten harder. We didn't want him to suffer. He didn't deserve that.
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155

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Posts: 138
Reply with quote  #115 
That's the same way with Henry. Had spent so much on 3 different vets and finally just trying to keep him going. He was doing well almost back to his old self for 2 months. But then the last few days at the end of the 2 months he stopped eating and drinking and on the very last day he hid out the entire day. He couldnt or wouldnt even look up when I said his name. He went to sleep at the vet that day .
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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #116 
We brought Christopher's bed to the vet. I held him first then put him down in his bed. He cuddled there in the bed and closed his eyes. We pet him and first she gave him the dose to make him sleepy. Then she asked if we were ready. We were in shock. Are you ever ready. And off he went to heaven. I forgot to mention before we took him, the day before he was also having troubles breathing. It was hard seeing him that way. It is good to have this support group. We can all relate to what we have been through. We can support each other.
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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #117 
My husband and I both have been crying all morning. Missing our little boy. We both have regrets that day we put him to sleep. We were both in shock. Just out of touch with the reality of what we were doing. I feel we were rushed. We didn't have a chance to give him a proper goodbye. I wished I would have hugged him when he was lying in his bed after she made him sleepy. I should have kissed him on the head like I did everyday. We should have told him we loved him before we ended his life. We just stood there in shock. We did pet him. I did get to hold him before I placed him in the bed. But he deserved a better and proper goodbye. I will always regret that day.
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neesy369

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Posts: 236
Reply with quote  #118 
I'm sorry, Canotgrieve, your little boy knew you were there and that means everything. He knew you were there because you loved him so much, as hard as this was for you, You set him free. Free from pain, and anguish. He knows how much you both love him and he will always be with you, just as my Sammy is always here with me. Please don't feel guilty. It's what he wanted from you. My thoughts and prayers are with you for your healing.

________________________________
Sammy....My one and only Always and Forever
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Canotgrieve

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #119 
Thank you so much. I have a little stone saying No longer by my side but Forever in my Heart. It shows the back of a cat with a halo and wings. My little angel. I know how much you love and miss Sammy as well. It's so sad to loose our fur babies. Christopher was one of a kind and can't be replaced.
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neesy369

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Posts: 236
Reply with quote  #120 
Nor will he ever be replaced. I have other pets that I love dearly and will do anything for, but I have that special bond with Sammy as you do and always will with your Christopher. The silver string that binds your hearts together will always keep you near to him and him to you. God Bless
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