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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #1 
I just lost my precious little boy and can't grieve or cry. I loved him so much and never thought I could live without him. What is wrong with me. My heart is empty. The memories seem so far away. I feel like I can't connect with him. Anyone else had to go through this. It is torture. It has only been a few days since we had to put him to sleep. We only had one day to decide. My husband has been crying like a baby. Says I am in shock. I feel like I have no emotions. Please help
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Barri

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Reply with quote  #2 
Everyone processes their grief differently.  I do think you are in a kind of shock.  Allow yourself space to feel or don't feel and let the time pass.  Eventually you will feel better and just have fond memories.  I have gone through 5 pet passings in 5 years.  They just don't live as long as us.  You can live without him, it just will hurt and feel empty for a time.  My thoughts are with you.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thanks. I just don't feel human. If you can't grieve you can't love. I just don't understand what is wrong with me.
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Barri

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Reply with quote  #4 
Nothing is wrong with you.  You are just numb, it is a way of your body protecting yourself from the extreme emotions.  If you didn't love you would not feel numb.  I have had this experience before.  It was sudden, correct?  Be kind to yourself, give it time.  My thoughts are with you... 
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #5 
I just lost 2 beloved cats this weekend. I had to have both of them put asleep , one on Saturday and one on Sunday. I have been feeling numb. It just doesn't feel real. I need to cry but the tears aren't coming. I know that my love for them is real. I don't know why I am not crying. I guess we all greive in our own time and way. Know you are not the only one who can't cry over your beloved pet. I am so sorry for your loss.


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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you both so much for your support. I know I loved him. More than anything. Why don't I even miss him enough to make me cry!
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #7 
I have been trying to figure out why I'm not crying. I was reading about grief and one theory is there are five stages of grief and the first one is denial. I wonder if I'm in a type if denial. They just died and though I know they are gone, I don't think the finality of their death has sunk in. I can't imagine my life without them. Take care and be kind to yourself.
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MAlcindor

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Reply with quote  #8 
I am very sorry for your loss. I believe you are numb with shock like others have said. Perhaps the realization of their permanent absence hasn't registered yet. If you feel up to it I'd like to know if he was a dog or a cat and what is his name?
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #9 
He was a cat named Christopher. I had him 16 years. Thursday night we found out he had a mass in his abdomen and fluid in his chest. Doctor thinks it was lymphoma. He had other health problems so the doctor said we should let him go. We took him home so we could spend some time with him. All he did was hide. Hadn't eaten for days. He would drink a little water. We took him in. We both felt we didn't have enough time to say goodbye. My husband has been a basket case. I cry a little, but it feels like it is on the surface and not from my heart. I feel so guilty because I don't feel I miss him. I just don't understand. I feel nothing.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #10 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachellel
I have been trying to figure out why I'm not crying. I was reading about grief and one theory is there are five stages of grief and the first one is denial. I wonder if I'm in a type if denial. They just died and though I know they are gone, I don't think the finality of their death has sunk in. I can't imagine my life without them. Take care and be kind to yourself.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #11 
Rachelle. I can't believe you are going through the same thing. It is torture. Maybe we can help each other through this.
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #12 
My cat Mustache had red fluid in his chest. They did not know what it was.He gained a few pounds in a few weeks. The vet said he needed a hospital with specialists and she was afraid he would not last the weekend. As he was 18 and a half, his heart was bad, and he had kidney disease, they recommended that he be put down that same day. He stopped eating and spent a lot of time just lying on the floor as with his bloated belly it was hard to get up where he usually sleeps. Meanwhile, my other cat T. T., who also had kidney disease, also stopped eating. He had a limp but on Sunday morning he started dragging his hind legs and crying in pain. I took him in and his kidney disease had progressed to extreme failure in a few weeks. He was so weak it was hard for him to drink. They were brother's from the same litter. I was blessed to be with them both from when they were born through a long life to their peacefully deaths. I've shed a few tears but haven't had a good long cry. I trust I'm dealing with their loss in my own way. I think I'm still processing everything that has happened.
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Canotgrieve

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Reply with quote  #13 
I have cried a little too. I thought I would be devastated. I didn't think I could live without him. We have been battling thyroid and kidney disease as well. He also had heart problems. First he stopped eating and drinking. We had him on fluids in the hospital. Doctor in the ER and his primary vet did not feel the mass. So less than a week later... The doctor was so shocked. She has been treating him for years. It broke her heart to tell us we had to let him go. I am so sorry you lost two fur babies the same weekend. We must be in shock because it happened so fast. So traumatic.
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Barri

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Reply with quote  #14 
I lost my little Petey dog on November 28th - he had a brain tumor (we think). He started showing signs about a month ago.  He seemed to get better on steroids, but then eventually couldn't walk, and we had a vet come to the house.  I stayed home from work for two days.  Then, his partner maggie, who had congestive heart failure started having issues breathing on Sunday, December 1st.  We took her too emergency and they said her heart was failing.  We helped her pass that day.  Two dogs gone within five days.  I am noticing now they are gone, how much time and worry I put into medicating them and caring for them, (Maggie for over a year).   I am starting to see how the whole process was painful and stressful.  It is not just they are gone, but what led up to it.  There was a lot of denial on my part, that some how I could keep them going.  Being a caregiver is hard, as we do our best to keep them alive, and then help them pass.  I am doing better with Maggie, as I knew she was sick. Petey was sudden.   sigh.
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rachellel

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Reply with quote  #15 
Even though I'm not crying much, I think my grief shows up in other ways. I'm having trouble sleeping, feel keyed up,

and can't concentrate even in simple things like cooking eggs and showering. Losing a cat is a terrible thing. A few things that help me to calm down are going for a long walk and knitting. I also posted tributes for T. T. and Mustache on the rainbow bridge candlelight tribute page. It made me feel like I was honoring them. They have a candlelight vigil at 9 pm on Mondays.

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