Our almost 3 yr old sweet kitty boy Drake passed away Thursday. My fiancé came home from work for lunch and Drake was totally fine, his usual self, they did their usual routine of him scooping Drake up and drake clinging to his arm and licking his palm.
Then almost instaneously he stretched out and slumped like we had never seen. Then he went limp. We knew something was wrong. I looked in his throat trying to get anything stuck out. Nothing. He coughed, I pat his back and then he stopped breathing.
I begin to lose myself and just scream I think he’s dead i think he’s dead!!! I watched the light go out of his eyes. I lost my mind. My fiancé wanted to leave to the vet to save him. All of this felt like an eternity so far but it really had only been maybe 2 minutes.
We have a vet 5 min away and he called and frantically told them what was happening and we were on the way. They actually TOLD US NOT TO COME bc the vet was at lunch. We came anyway.
The whole ride there I was just sobbing and my fiancé had me breathe into his mouth. I knew he was dead. It was horrible.
We rushed in, at this point I can’t even handle looking at him. They tell us what I already knew. It was likely a heart problem (HCM) and one minute they’re fine and the next they’re gone. There was nothing in his throat. I fall to the ground and scream no no and why and it’s not real. I can’t stop. I never knew I could lose myself or grieve like this. I have to go outside bc I can’t stop screaming.
We got a necklace with his ashes. They kept the towel we wrapped him in. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I replay the scene in my head. I can’t forget the way his limp body felt. The taste in my mouth from trying to breath life into him. The way I couldn’t get his eyes to close when we said goodbye. The screams that didn’t feel like they were coming from my mouth.
The only consolation I have is that we got him from a farm as a kitten, and he was in such poor health when we got him that he would’ve died without us. He lived a lot longer than he was destined to, but I guess death didn’t like that we cheated him.
Everyone recommends reading rainbow bridge, and while it’s lovely — I just can’t believe it. I want to and it would make me feel better but I just don’t believe in afterlife. I envy my fiancé as he does believe our little kitty boy is enjoying a sweet afterlife. All I can think of is how scared he must have been. Us screaming, me patting his back trying to get something out that wasn’t there. And then just nothing for him. What a terrible frightening way to go.
We have another older cat, he watched the whole thing happen. He was biting our heads as we were in distress, which could’ve been him being stressed or him trying to comfort us. I love him so much, but it also kind of pains me to be around him now. He’s both a comfort and a sad reminder at the same time. I feel horrible about that. He doesn’t seem too depressed yet, but we are keeping a very watchful eye.
Thank you for those of you who read through my short novel. He passed on Thursday, but it feels like an eternity. We just weren’t ready.
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I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't think we are ever ready or ever prepared for this to take place. I wish there was something I could say to ease your pain, but there isn't. This pain and grief will run its course, for some, it takes a long time for others it's shorter. You rescued Drake, gave him a wonderful life, gave him all the love you could, and you were there with him at the end. He was not alone. Although his life was so short, you provided a loving home for him. The older cat you have now, will need you even more, sometimes they can grieve also. So much of the things I tell people during this time is based on my beliefs, I hope you can find peace in the days and months ahead. Please be easy on yourself, don't let any guilt feelings take over, remember the good times when possible, remember the love. It is hard to forget those last moments, we all deal with the passing, but gradually you will begin to think of better memories, of the love. Blessings to you.
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My deepest sympathy for you averyhaelem, we lost our Tuffy at 5 yrs old the exact same way, totally healthy and happy. I was at work, and Cindy called me crying that Tuffy just collapsed in front of her for no reason, she rushed him to the vet, and I drove like a maniac. When I got there they were working on him, but he didn't survive, my world suddenly became meaningless. To this day I can't have his picture on my phone, it is just to painful, and it has been over 2 yrs. ago.  I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but for me it has not, I miss him more than works can say. 
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It sounds like your kitty had a very good life with you and your fiancé and in the future that will help you to know. Your frantic efforts to save him just show the depth of your love. Drake saw this and knew you were upset too and he knew you were trying to help him. You were with him when he passed. He wasn't alone. Something else you will be grateful for once the horrible shock of this loss starts to wear off. Life isn't fair sometimes. This kitten should have had a better life but he had the both of you and you gave him so much love and happiness even if it was for 3 short years. Your other cat must have been so upset seeing all of this but his main priority will be you. That's just how animals are. Think of him as your little friend who shared a terrible thing and wants to be there for you and try and let him be there. It will help him but it will also help you. I'm sorry for your loss!
Hugs to you all,
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I am so, so sorry. What a horrifying experience. I can’t even imagine the shock you must be in over this.

I know what you mean about not really believing in an afterlife and envying those that do who find comfort in their beliefs. But it is okay to not believe in it. Sometimes it’s better to find comfort in ways our minds can accept than to force something that’s not a real belief to us. No matter if we believe in an afterlife or not, we all still grieve because our furry loved one is no longer with us. When they go abruptly and younger than they should, it makes it that much harder.

The flashbacks are horrible. We’ve experienced something very traumatic and so they do come. It’s our mind’s way of trying to reconcile and understand what happened. It’s also a part of the grieving process. We try to figure out what could have been done differently so that this horrible end doesn’t happen. It will get better in time.

From what you’ve said, things I notice to take comfort in: 1) It sounds like his death was not in extreme pain. That it was quick and over before he could have known what was happening. He did not suffer. 2) You more than likely could not have prevented this. Because of your love and good care, he was able to live much longer than he would have. Be proud of that. You gave him something special and good that he may not have gotten otherwise. 3) Afterlife or not, either way, he is not suffering now. He does not know what happened to him. What he did know, was that he was with the people he loved before he went, and that is a lovely thing to know.

I know this is difficult and sometimes no words can really give us the comfort we so desperately need. Because the thing we need more than anything, is for our loved one to be with us. Words can’t give us that. But just the same, know that while loss is never easy, each day you’ll breathe a little easier, each day the good memories will come, each day you’ll know the moments you had were precious and of value. Those moments will never be lost to you or taken away.

Hang in there and know that our thoughts are with you and Drake.
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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I know the screams. I have been there and screamed, too, so I understand.

I don't know if there is afterlife. It is just that all of us who are left behind have to believe there is a place where our beloved furry family could go after their passing.
Or we can't bear the sorrow and the pain. What I do know is that Juni, my tabby is no longer suffering. On sunny days without thinking I look up and talk to him as if he were over the blue sky. But I don't know where he is. But I do know he is not here. And all I can do is pet his cheek on his picture, change water of his bowl, and talk to him everyday.
I wish I could tell you things are going to get easier. They won't. Not anytime soon because you love your Drake. Love comes with longing, regret, and pain after losing our loved ones.
It is the pure love that you felt with your Drake and you know Drake loved you back. He knew you loved him.
I wish I could say something that lifts your heart. But I can't because I know it is shattered as mine is.

I do hope you are warm where you are tonight. I do hope your older cat won't be too depressed.       I hope.
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