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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #46 

My Dear Jackie,

Thank you so much, as always for your kind & gracious words. On the contrary, you are a TERRIFIC writer. Whenever I see your posts, I am touched and moved by them. Often to tears. And when I see your beloved Bubby, my heart melts. We are all members of the Orange Boys Love Club I suppose. : )  

I too am walking around in a daze. I have to act with people. They will be speaking with me, and I can't wait for them to depart. The entire time I am meeting with them and speaking with them I am thinking about my lost boy. I miss him so. My heart is still so, so heartbroken. I let him down. I failed him. 

Thank you for your kind words re: my singing / humming to him. Yes, I was thinking he must have thought it was my way of purring. I only started to sing/hum to him this past Winter around Christmas. I am so glad I did so. It is a very fond memory now. 

Your story about the bubbles in your soda and your beloved boy made me smile. What a delightful story! Thank you so much for sharing.

XO,
James



 
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #47 
Thank you so much, James. I appreciate your kind words. Everything is so raw right now, I’ve just been writing whatever comes to my fingertips.

We are apart of Orange Boys Love Club. Say that 5 times. So proud to be apart of that club. Just don’t tell Lola as she may get upset. She’s a tortie and has the tortietude to prove it ;) I actually had 2 other orange kitties growing up, one male and one female...littermates. They were born under my parents bed. I don’t think I ever truly experienced their love though as I was too young and in my own little world.

I can completely relate when you say you have to act with people and are just waiting for them to depart. Like you, I’m just missing my sweet boy. Please you did not fail Marmalade. You did what you knew was best. Having to make this final decision was the WORST EVER! I hate knowing that My decision stopped my babies heart. It’s so painful just to write. I feel like a monster. My sweet baby boy.

His picture is on the background of my phone. I can’t even think about taking it off since it’s been there since 2014 at least. But am I torturing myself? What I would do to hold him again? I’m sure we would always give up some sort of organ if we could have our loves back. I know I would have given him my kidney.

I feel as if I failed my Bubby too. Now looking back at pictures I see a difference in his demeanor. He didn’t lay upside down since October? He loved laying like that. I feel so guilty that my time was devoted to my daughter and I missed all these signs from him. I know in the end we would be at the same spot. He was one of those rare kitties that his kidneys were already deteriorating at the early age of 4. It breaks my heart and I guess I was in denial when the doctor said he would have a shorter lifespan. Not my tiger, not my Bubby. But here we are just shy of 10 years and he’s no longer physically here :(

Thank you again for your sweet words. I hope as we walk along this journey together we find a bit of peace. And I hope our boys are eating all the delicious food their hearts desire with their bellies in the air like they just don’t care!

Hugs,
Jackie

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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #48 

Jackie wrote:

"Now looking back at pictures I see a difference in his demeanor. He didn’t lay upside down since October?"

Yes, the "Pineapple Upside Down Cake" pose. That is what we used to call it. Same here, Marmalade had stopped doing that pose in his final month, which was so odd.

I first fell in love with Marmalade when he would do that pose, at times with both arms outstretched, on the dusty driveway of a house I was renting for a few years in New Mexico. He was scrawny, mite infested, starving, most likely dehydrated, and ill, but he was still so, so grateful just to take a nap under a shade tree next to our house. I thought to myself: "How on Earth can that little cat be so GRATEFUL, when it is a stray? and obviously sick?" This was before he allowed anyone to pet him and became "The Original Lap-Top" (< as he liked to refer to himself.)(Lol.) and prior to my being able to take him to a Vet.

I miss him so. My World is completely up-ended. I talk to myself all day and all night, when alone. Having debates with myself about that final choice that I made. My life will never be the same. : ** (


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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #49 
Dear James,

The pineapple upside down cake pose was my favorite. I would place my head on his belly between his two front legs and just kiss him. He loved it. He loved his belly rubs too.

You have the sweetest names for Marmalade’s mannerisms. Just by your words, they show the loving and deep connection you had/have. He may not be here physically but he’s still with you.

I talk to myself a lot too and to Bubby. I keep telling him I hope he’s ok. Our worlds have been turned upside down but I know deep down in my heart this has to get easier and it will. Our orange boys would t want us sad forever. They loved life and would want us to keep loving life.

One second at a time, one minute at a time, an hour at a time and day by day we’ll keep going as hard as it may be. We just need to know that they’re still here with us and will always be.

Hugs,
Jackie


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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #50 
Dear Bubby,

Another day has gone by and my heart is still completely crushed. Yesterday was one week since you cross to the Rainbow Bridge. It’s the longest you and I have been apart in 10 years. It’s so hard. You made me a homebody because I loved being around you and your sister so much.

I found some old pictures of us yesterday from when you were about 6 months. I forgot you used to drape yourself around the back of my neck on the couch and hang your head on my shoulder. It brought back so many wonderful memories.

Yesterday was really hard. I saw the time on the clock when you left us. I cried. And cried hard. That was the worst day of my life, Bubs. I know you were telling us it was time. I’ve been doing so much research about Chronic Kidney Diesase and Renal Failure and even if I wanted to try the procedure, you would have been miserable. Therapy injections, subq fluids, pain meds, a new diet. You wouldn’t have been having the quality of life you deserved. It would have been torturous to you. I would do anything to have you back in my arms though, my baby bear. Oh the million names I have for you and you came running to every one of them. You were so loyal.

I had to call a pet caregiver grieving hotline yesterday. I was so upset. I could barely get the words out when I first called. The social worker was so sweet. She’s going to call me weekly to check in. She said you were my rock. You were there when I was figuring myself out. Through life’s majors events. You were my protector and she is absolutely right. You are my love.

Lola had a rough day yesterday. She’s missing you more and more. It doesn’t help that it keeps on raining and storming and she doesn’t have her thunder buddy. She was laying on the shirt I last held you in all day. I was able to bring her into the office for a bit and opened the window for her. She loved it like you did. I brushed her some and I think I got a kitten out of the fur that came off. She was happy. I’m sure it felt good getting the undercoat off. I’m trying to get her used to Av too. You were so good with Av. All you wanted was to get to me. You didn’t care about the noise.

I miss you tons bud. The house just lost its sparkle. I woke up again at 2am. Not sure why I keep on waking up there or what it means. I just know I have a rough time sleeping without you.

I miss you more then words can describe. My heart is empty. I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other each day. I miss your big cat gallop, your headbutts, you resting your head on my arm why working. The list is limitless of what I miss with you.

I hope your ok and just know Mommy loves you tons. I’ll never stop loving you. You have my heart and soul big guy.

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜


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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #51 

Dear Jackie,

Thank you so much for your kind, supportive, compassionate, and supportive words. Your words and others HAVE helped me to endure and survive these difficult and dark times.

When you wrote about your cat's cat gallop, Marmalade used to do that too. I would crouch at the end of the long hallway in our house in New Mexico with my ex, when we first were able to pet Marmalade and began to allow him into the house and would "click" for him to "come."

He was deaf as you may recall and could only hear high frequencies for the most part, but he was able to hear that clicking and would respond, as I think it may have helped save his life. As I used it predominately at feeding time. And he had starved on the street for so long as he could only eat certain foods.

So I would click, with my ex present, who first pet him, and Marmalade would trot in our direction with purpose. His legs were kind of spread out like a horse as he trotted. So I nicknamed him "Ole' Horse & Buggy." We would watch him and laugh and laugh and then start all over again from the other end of the house. It was like a game for him and us.

It is interesting & fun to learn that many of us posting here had various nicknames for our beloved's. Marmalade was also called: "Dat Ole' Marmalade", "Doc", "Tiger-Man", "Cake" (from "Pineapple Upside Down Cake" pose), "Mighty Joar of Rungle (being as he was not large like a real lion or tiger he was not "Mighty Roar of Jungle" Lol) "Snug Bug Rug", "Bug", and "My Lad" etc. 

I am still completely crushed. I must have woken up 20 to 30 times last night still in shock that I made that decision to end his life. I am devastated. Was 5 weeks yesterday.


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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #52 
Hey jcunnane..i know ive also been trying to talk to someone and it will be anothet week before that can happen..but yes..i wont forget to post the pictures of him in his clothes..i swear he loved them and didnt want me to take them off.it was like he felt safe and calmer with it on..guess kinda the meaning of the thundershirts u can buy..i honestly havent seen one of his shirts since..but i also havent looked for them..i know the second i find them i will be crying my eyes out..but i bought a nice trunk just for all of his stuff.so little by little im getting everything put away and making sure nothing gets thrown out that was his..i do feel a little better at moments..but then just as quickly i feel just as sad again..i know u relate..but i do also hope u r feeling even just a little bit better too
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JinglesMom

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Reply with quote  #53 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jcunnane
Dear Bubby,

Another day has gone by and my heart is still completely crushed. Yesterday was one week since you cross to the Rainbow Bridge. It’s the longest you and I have been apart in 10 years. It’s so hard. You made me a homebody because I loved being around you and your sister so much.

I found some old pictures of us yesterday from when you were about 6 months. I forgot you used to drape yourself around the back of my neck on the couch and hang your head on my shoulder. It brought back so many wonderful memories.

Yesterday was really hard. I saw the time on the clock when you left us. I cried. And cried hard. That was the worst day of my life, Bubs. I know you were telling us it was time. I’ve been doing so much research about Chronic Kidney Diesase and Renal Failure and even if I wanted to try the procedure, you would have been miserable. Therapy injections, subq fluids, pain meds, a new diet. You wouldn’t have been having the quality of life you deserved. It would have been torturous to you. I would do anything to have you back in my arms though, my baby bear. Oh the million names I have for you and you came running to every one of them. You were so loyal.

I had to call a pet caregiver grieving hotline yesterday. I was so upset. I could barely get the words out when I first called. The social worker was so sweet. She’s going to call me weekly to check in. She said you were my rock. You were there when I was figuring myself out. Through life’s majors events. You were my protector and she is absolutely right. You are my love.

Lola had a rough day yesterday. She’s missing you more and more. It doesn’t help that it keeps on raining and storming and she doesn’t have her thunder buddy. She was laying on the shirt I last held you in all day. I was able to bring her into the office for a bit and opened the window for her. She loved it like you did. I brushed her some and I think I got a kitten out of the fur that came off. She was happy. I’m sure it felt good getting the undercoat off. I’m trying to get her used to Av too. You were so good with Av. All you wanted was to get to me. You didn’t care about the noise.

I miss you tons bud. The house just lost its sparkle. I woke up again at 2am. Not sure why I keep on waking up there or what it means. I just know I have a rough time sleeping without you.

I miss you more then words can describe. My heart is empty. I’m trying to put one foot in front of the other each day. I miss your big cat gallop, your headbutts, you resting your head on my arm why working. The list is limitless of what I miss with you.

I hope your ok and just know Mommy loves you tons. I’ll never stop loving you. You have my heart and soul big guy.

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜




Dear Jackie,
I read your beautiful, heartfelt letter to Bubby with tears in my eyes, as your every word is filled with the special love and bond you both shared. He sounds so unbelievably sweet as to how he would drape himself around you, and put his head on your shoulder. Oh that is so precious how you would call him Baby Bear. I had a million nicknames for my Jingles too, such as Jingleberry and Boo Bear, and when he would hear me call, he would perk up his ears and run like the wind to me. Isn't it amazing the light and beauty they brought into our lives every single day with their sweetness and loyalty?

Please never feel bad about loving your dear little one enough to let him go. I wrestled with my decision about Jasper for so very long after he crossed over, and the could of and should of questions in my mind were relentless and mind boggling. It took quite a bit of time for me to have absolutely no doubt that I made the very best decision for him to save him from further suffering and pain. Your sweet Bubby would have gone through so much with the injections, the vet visits, the subq fluids, etc., and really the overall stress of it could have even caused more health issues and pain. Even though I had to let my Jasper go, and even though it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, it was very peaceful for him, the transition was so quick and painless for him, not so much for me, and I know you completely understand. Those last moments are such a tiny little blip in the days we shared with them.

When Jingles passed at home, it was anything but what they call a "natural death". He woke up in the middle of the night and let out a cry that pierced through me, as I knew there was something so very wrong. He had been just fine earlier, eating and drinking as usual, and cuddling with me on the bed before we went to sleep, just a normal day, and just a regular evening, me and my boy together. Well it was about 2am in the morning, and he all of a sudden jumped off of the bed, and I noticed he was stumbling and had trouble walking. I called my daughter and we were getting ready to take him to the emergency clinic, but there was just no time.

I held him in his soft blanket as he took his last breaths in my arms. It was awful because I saw the panicked and scared look in his eyes, and I have never felt quite so helpless in my life. After seventeen years of loving him and protecting him and doing everything I could to keep him right here with me, I prayed for God to help him, and I told him it was okay to go into the light. I told him to look for Jasper and Pootie Tang, and they would show him the way. I wanted nothing more than to go with him that night, as we had never been separated before, just as you and your Bubby had never been apart. My only consolation is that within a few minutes of our panic, his struggle was over.

I had no idea he was so sick and so close to the end as we had been to the vets not that long ago for lab work and his senior panel. So I still do not know what happened, but I do believe he might have thrown a clot, as his passing was so very fast, no time to even get into the car, no time to get him professional help. If only I had known he was so close to leaving me, I would have brought him in to have him let go peacefully. If only a doctor had told me this might happen in the middle of the night with nowhere to turn, as devastating as it was, I would not have hesitated, in order to have spared him those terrible moments of him being so scared, and me being completely powerless to help him.

After both he and Jasper passed, I would be on my computer at all hours of the day and night when I was not working, looking up to see if I could have done more. Why did I lose them, and what happened? Should I have kept Jasper at the doctor's overnight and hoped for another miracle, but taken a chance that he would be alone and without me when he passed, and what could I have done for my Jingles as he was in his last moments struggling for each breath. So you see, no matter how it happens, where it happens, and when it happens, we always question ourselves and we are always left with such doubt and despair. I always think if I could go back in time, would I change things? My answer is absolutely no for Jasper, I would have held him just as tightly in the vet's office as they put the needle into his little leg. For Jingles, I just don't know what I could have done differently with it happening so quickly, but if only I had known this was the outcome, I would have taken him in and let him transition to the angels peacefully, without seeing that awful fear in his eyes.

How sweet but so sad that Lola loves laying on the shirt that you wore when you last held your dear boy. Our beloved fur babies really do feel as deeply and as profoundly as we do when they lose their companion. She can still smell his scent on that piece of clothing, and must be so calmed and comforted by it. Jackie, thank you so much for sharing this amazing letter to your special boy. Your words are so poignant and true when you write that your house has lost it's sparkle. Just know and always remember that you did so right by him, and he is still so close. Your Bubby must feel so proud and so happy to have had such a special mom who loved him with all of her heart and soul while on this earth, and will keep loving him just that much, beyond the veil. Thank you for sharing your very special Bubby with us, he will always be your one in a million, and he will always have your heart. Hugs, JinglesMom

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #54 
Thank you so much, Pamela. I feel like I have so much left to say to my sweet baby boy but yet he's not physically here with me. He was the sweetest little man. So big yet so gentle. I don't even think he really realized how big he was. How funny that I would call Bubby Boo Bear too. So many names but yet they would come running every single time. I know they heard the love in our voices and that is why they came running to us no matter what we called them. They are the most precious souls. 

I know deep down we did what was right for him. It was so hard and is still so hard. Knowing we stopped his heart is just what kills me. His heart was full of so much love. With Bubby, he already had the IV's in his little leg and arm so they went directly into them. He didn't have to feel an ounce of pain. He'd been through enough. His poor little body was through so much and he just kept fighting and fighting and fighting. The last moments I wish I could forget. I hated saying goodbye to him. I put my hand under his chin and lifted his head and looked into his eyes and told him how much I love him and I will see him again. I told him he made me the happiest Mommy and I will love him forever. It's the longest 2 hours I will ever replay in my mind yet it didn't feel long. I could have stayed with him for hours and hours just laying my head on his belly and kissing his little neck and cheek.

I am so sorry about the heartache you had with Jingles passing. I'm at a loss of words for what you and Jingles experience and my heart just aches for you both. I'm sure it's a night you wish you didn't remember and you could have changed. I know, from my short time on this forum, that you would have done anything to prevent your sweet babies from hurting. I'm in tears just thinking about how you both must have felt but Jingles must has been felt the comfort of you, his mom. There is no comfort like of their guardian, their parent, their love. 

The internet is such a deep dark rabbits hole. I'm not sure if I like it or not. For some reason, I just feel like I don't know all of what happened to Bubby. We knew his one kidney was barely functioning if at all in 2014 so I don't even know why I'm questioning it. I know nothing can be changed by it now. I guess it's me just wondering like you said if I could have done more. And the answer will always be no. He took a turn for the worse fast. He was so strong. I had no idea he must have been sick or hurting since last year. I should have seen the signs and that's what breaks my heart. I don't think I would have gotten extra time with him but maybe if I could have lessened his pain.

I was talking to my mom today, who in 2016 lost her amazing sweet blind kitty, Caesar. He was amazing. He was so quick, nothing held him back, and you wouldn't even have known he was blind until you saw he had no eyes. He was another very social little man. Like Bubby, very very special. She said like you all have said the pain doesn't necessarily go away you just start to remember the good times over the bad. She says she still has good days and bad days. Some days she cries. She never had an answer of why Caesar passed away. He like Bubby was at the same hospital. Non-regenerative anemia, mouth ulcers, not eating and eventually seizures. It broke her heart but she had to make the decision over the phone. He had a seizure and said no more. It breaks her heart and still has so much guilt til this day she was never able to be there to comfort him as he crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. He was such an amazing little man. 

Lola has been doing a bit better today. I'm sure she was able to get some sleep since I went into the office and wasn't home checking in on her every 30 minutes. She's starting to venture out of our bedroom a bit more. I'm trying to play with her as much as I can but I can see in her little green eyes that she misses her brother deeply. 

Thank you again Pamela for your reassurance and sweet and caring words. I struggle with the guilt and my emotions are a rollercoaster. I miss him so much and I hope he knows just how much I loved and will continue to love him. You're right. He will always be my one in a million and always have my heart. I wait for the day to be with him again but I know I'm needed here for now. The pain that it will be some time before I see him again is so overwhelming it makes my throat tight. I wish I could have both, him back and current life. For now, I will just have to look up and tell him that I love him and miss him and hopefully one day when he's ready, like you said he'll let me know he loves me too and lets me know he's there. 

Hugs,
Jackie





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Reply with quote  #55 
My dear handsome pants, Bubby,

Today is the second Caturday since your crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. I still feel like I’m living in a horrible dream. The amount I miss you, I can’t put into words. I know baby, one day you and I will be reunited and I can’t wait to lay my head on your belly and smell your sweet scent. There’s nothing like it.

Lola was doing better yesterday. After work, I came home and she started coming out of the bedroom more. I played laser light with her and brought some catnip toys out. Your cigars, the Jackson Pollock fish, and the rainbows. She was loving it. She kept sticking her head into the toy basket. It was quite comical and gave Mommy a laugh. Today I gave her some catnip on your favorite windowsill. She went crazy. I know she misses you terribly so I’m trying to do whatever I can to cheer her up. She’s been such a sweetheart sleeping on my pillow at night, curled up in my arm or laying at my feet. Everything you used to do. She’s trying so hard. She’s just like you. So sweet and caring. Although she’s a bit more on point with her landings. She doesn’t lick my hair like you used to do but I think that’s something that you and I will always cherish with each other. I was also so afraid you would choke on my hair. You never did though and just kept on doing it.

Daddy had a rough day. It was his first daddy/daughter day without you here when I wasn’t. He wasn’t in a great mood when I came home. He didn’t want to talk about it but I knew it was because he was missing you so much. We all do bud. You were the sparkle of this house.

Today is the first sunny day without rain since you crossed the bridge. I opened up all the windows for Nermie. Hopefully that will perk her up some.

I miss you so much my Ty Ty. Although the tears are getting better, my heart is still shattered. I still feel so robbed for both you and I. Your heart was full of so much love and charisma but your kidneys were so old and sick. I would have given you mine or gotten you a transplant if it wasn’t cruel. I couldn’t make you into a science project. You mean to much to me and you needed dignity. You were my tiger...you are my tiger.

I hope your body has been restored. Your ashes are on my nightstand in your great grandfathers box he gave daddy. Every time I leave the house after saying bye to Nermie I always rub your box and tell you bye too. I always say good morning to you and goodnight. But I think you already know that.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you but there are no amount of words that seem enough. I wish I could hug you again but I know I will one day. I love you my Booty Bear.

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #56 
Hi Jennifer,

I’m looking forward to these photos. That’s so sweet you bought a truck for all of his belongings. We’re keeping everything out for Lola. I’m sure it gives her some comfort. Bubby has a full size dog bed that I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. Maybe Lola will start liking it. So far it’s its still in our living room and have no plans to move it anytime soon. I did put one of his favorite toys in the box with his ashes. It still doesn’t seem real. I still think he’ll just be here one day. The house is so so empty even with Lola and our 8.5 month old daughter. He just had this personality that brought so much life and light into the house ;(

I’m doing a bit better, thanks. The tears are not nonstop although at any moment they can start. I’ve been able to start eating again. Sleeping not so much. I still wake up at 2-230 every morning. I really don’t get why it’s always 2-230. I’ve been trying to put one foot forward. One step at a time.

If you need the number or website for the pet caregiver grievance service please let me know. They’re licensed social workers. The woman I called is going to call weekly and then whenever I need her to after that. She really helped validate my feelings.

Hope you’re hanging in there.

Hugs,
Jackie


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Reply with quote  #57 
I would love that number. I am suffering so much
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Reply with quote  #58 
For anyone who needs to talk to someone...they’re licensed social workers and will call you however often you would like.

This card was given to us by the 24/7 emergency hospital where Bubby had been multiple times, CARES. They’re truly wonderful.

Hugs,
Jackie

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My dear Bubba,

It’s another weekend without you and I still can’t wtap my head around it. You should be here with us. It’s quiet in the house even with Avery talking aka yelling. It just doesn’t seem right. I have my good moments and bad ones too. I’m trying to put on a brave face and keep busy but all I can think about is you my baby bear. We had a woodpecker outside today and I could think about was you and your head would pop up and look for where that woodpecker was. There are so many birds outside too. I think they may sense that you are no longer physically here even though you weren’t allowed outside. I miss your sweet face and your Bubby hugs. Mornings and nights are the worst. That when you would lay with me a lot. And work days are hard too when you would come visit. You loved a good cuddle.

Lola came out last night and has been a bit more social then usual. Maybe she knows you won’t be picking on her like the big brother you were. I keep telling her that you will always love her and that you’ll always love us even if you’re not physically here.

The weather is pretty today again. I had the windows and back door open while daddy was doing an oil change to mommy’s car. Then he was sweaty so the AC came back on again. You loved the fresh air and the back door open. I’m so glad I was able to take you in my arms on the back deck that Monday before you had to leave us. You were so happy and your little sniffer was going like crazy. This was your castle my little tiger guy.

I’m going to plant the little cat seed packet that CARES sent in their sympathy card. Brooke wrote the sweetest note. I thanked her for it when I picked up your ashes. What a wonderful hospital that place is with such caring people. I’m happy they gave you some catnip while you were there too. They know how nervous you can get.

I miss you so much Bud. I’m trying to live life as you would want me to and how you did. Live life to the fullest with all the love and silliest times possible. That’s how you were. You were and still ARE the best. You’re my one in a million baby boy and I will forever cherish our time together. I can’t wait to be with you again, my ty ty.

We’re going to go spend some time outside with Avery and let Nermie get some sleep. She’s getting annoyed with all the attention. You definitely took one for the team with all the mommy kisses and hugs.

I love you my little man.

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

__________________

Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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Ceceliadempsey3

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Reply with quote  #60 
Oh Jackie what beautiful words you wrote. Thanks because they helped me. I have to try to live life to the fullest our babies would want that. It is so difficult to move on without them. Night time is pretty bad. Because thatcher would always tell me he wanted to go to bed and I had to go with him. I miss his staring big brown eyes “Mommy I want to go to bed”. The last month before he went to rainbow bridge he could no longer jump up on the bed Sometimes I would lay with him next to his bed. I miss that big boy terribly 😢😢😢
Hang in there and thanks for sharing your beautiful memories!!
Cecelia
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