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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #31 
Bubby is home now. I received the call around 230 and rushed down to get him. I didn’t want him to have to spend another second without us.

While it’s not the way I wanted him home, I’m relived he’s home. It hurts so much but we didn’t want him to suffer anymore. I miss him so dearly and his little head peeking around the kitchen walk to see what I was doing or walking by the bathroom door while I was getting ready in the morning. He was the sweetest boy and best friend I could have asked for.

Our primary vet called today to give her condolences and follow up with what happened and she said that his life would have been extremely poor if we were even able to pull him through. She said his kidney was in the process of shutting down completely and he would require subq fluids, treatment to keep his red blood cells up and a special diet. She reassured that we did what was best for him even though we’re devestated.

Oh Tiger guy, I would do anything to have you back. There was no limit to the money I would spend on you to make you better. You have my heart and soul. I’ve been a mess since you’ve been gone and I wish I could lay my head on your sweet soft belly as you curl in because you just loved being loved. I miss your paw on top of my hand and you so lovingly extending your claws but never hurting me. I love you more than life and wish you were here. We donated your food to CARES in your honor and they were so happy. They’ll either use it there or go to someone in need. Just know that you’re paying it forward Booty Bear. When the time is right, Daddy and I said we’re going to keep paying it forward and donate some of the toys here. You know how many there are. Of course we’ll keep your favorites and tons for Lola. Daddy and I also decided we’re going to keep your ashes in the walnut box your great grandfather made from the tree on their own property. We’ll get you a nice plaque for the top. I still can’t believe you’re gone as I keep looking for you. I keep thinking you’re going to prance around the corner. I love you so much. I lit a candle for you tonight on the Rainbow Bridge Monday Night Tributes. I don’t think the candle can burn bright enough for the amount of love and joy you gave us. I hope you’re ok. I’m going to go spend some time with Lola. She’s been missing you. Love you tons, XOXO Mommy <3

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Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #32 
Jcunnane..im so glad you were able to brinh him home tonighy..i know how much better i felt when reeses was back home with me where he belonged..its still so hard and im on day 12 without my precious sweetheart.i caller his primary vet back a few days ago to let them know how mad i was still at the fact they completly missed his other leg was also broken and let them know how i felt and let them know what my baby went through even more because of their huge huge mistake..even though nothing will ever fix that.they offered to refund me the money i paid on those visits and the only reason i accepted was because i am going to donate that money to an animal shelter that can use it to help other animals in need and im donating it in reeses's name because its from him..thats the only right thing to do..im looking at two places right now..either ill donate it all to one or between both..it just felt good to get that out to the vet and be the voice for reeses when he couldnt speak for himself
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #33 
Jenniferhiggs1221, I’m glad you spoke to your vet. I know it’s been on your mind and I’m sure it feels better to get that off your mind and chest. How beautiful that you’re going to take the refund and donate it. Reeses will be so proud that you’re donating the money. I know it doesn’t change anything but it can help a sweet animal in need. Thoughts are with you.
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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #34 
Jcunnane..thank you.my thoughs are with you as well.im so glad i found this page ti help me get through this extremly hard time in my life..it helps to know im not alone
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #35 
Bubby,

Today is the first day back in the office since you went to the Rainbow Bridge and I don’t know how I’m going to do it. The tears don’t stop and I can’t even think about putting a smile on my face. Please watch over your sister Lola as today is the first day she’ll be alone without you for an extended period of time. She still has the shirt I last held you in and she sleeps on it all the time. I’m going to put your little lion buddy out too for her. I sleep with him every night holding him dearly. I miss you bud like you have no idea. I still have a hard time with the fact that you’re gone. Your life was too short and we didn’t get to have our decade party for you. I know you fought hard and for a lot longer then I probably know. You’ll always be my hero and my warrior. I love you little man more then I could ever tell you.im lost without you. Please give Lola positive vibes today and keep her company from above.

Love you Ty Ty, XOXO Mommy 💜

Hi Bud,

Just wanted to let you know Daddy is staying home today. He hasn’t been feeling good the past two days. I just wanted to let you know so you knew Loli wasn’t going to be alone. I love you tons, big guy. XOXO Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #36 
Today is one week since Bubby was home. He stayed in the hospital overnight until we helped him cross to the Rainbow Bridge (tomorrow will be one week since we had to say goodbye for now) and I have some serious guilt. Guilt that he wasn't home in his favorite spots his last 24 hours. I knew I needed to see if he could fight one last time but he must have been so scared overnight. He wouldn't even pee. 

I'm having trouble sleeping without him. He would always sleep at my feet and most nights I really didn't have a blanket because I didn't want to disturb him. His sister has now taken his spot at the end of the bed. She used to sleep on a blanket we put on my husbands dresser for her.

I keep waking up at 2am with overwhelming heartache. He would always help me sleep. If I couldn't fall back asleep on my pillow, I would put my head at the end of the bed with him and he would curl his body around my head. I miss him so much. It just hurts so bad. 

Yesterday was my first day back in the office at work and it was absolutely horrific. I couldn't stop thinking about him and the tears wouldn't stop. 

I keep replaying the doctor telling me over the phone "we got to him too late" and thinking could have he been saved?? I would have done everything to make him healthy again. My husband keeps reassuring me that we did everything we could have and his last good kidney was shutting down. There was nothing we could have done. Why would the doctor tell me that? It will forever linger on in my head.

We've had some strange occurrences with deer since our little man has passed. The day after, we had deer in our front yard. That has happened since our 8.5 month old daughter was born. She had a rough start and was constantly crying. Pretty sure she scared them away. That night there was one deer in our backyard. We took our daughter out on our porch to see it and she started getting upset. The deer didn't flinch. Just keep eating and walked along our property into the creek. Bubby didn't flinch either when our daughter cried. He finally got used to it. Yesterday and every Tuesday, my mom watches our daughter. My mom is a pet nanny and our daughter is the youngest pet nanny along with her. They went to let out one of her pups and there was a deer 10 feet from them. Just staring. My mom said in all the years she's been at that house and property, she's never seen a deer. Never! Also, yesterday the single deer was back at our house. My husband saw it. This morning, the deer was back but not alone. I thought a fox pup was running around with it as they did before our daughter came but it was a baby deer. I think the baby might have just been born.

Is this our sweet little man? He loved to watch his deer out the front window. He would just sit there for hours. 

I feel better I was able to move Bubby to his final resting place in a walnut box my grandfather made. He made one for each of his grandchildren and gave one to my husband on our wedding day. It was his last box. They're so beautiful, it only seemed natural. I got a name plate made for Bubby with two little paw prints on it. I love his little jelly bean toes. He would let me hold his paws for hours. I would sit there just petting them, touching his pretty pink jelly beans. I put one of his favorite toys in there with him. I still have his lion that I sleep with every night and put on the bed for his sister during the day. 

The guilt is just unbearable. Guilty for Bubby, guilty I'm so emotionally empty for my daughter and for Bubby's sister Lola. I'm trying really hard to step up to the plate but I just feel so hollow. This little dude took so much of me with him. He was my rock.

This is the longest I have ever been away from Bubby in 10 years. I can't believe it's only going to continue to get longer.

This pain is just so horrible. I feel so empty. Although, I'm glad I was able to take Bubby's pain and suffering away and put it on myself.

I love you little man 💜

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #37 
Dear Bubby,

Today marks one week since you crossed to the Rainbow Bridge. It feels like an eternity. I would do anything to have you back with us. You are my heart, my soul. I haven't been doing well but I'm trying bud. You were so full of life and even gave me hope right til the end. I knew that Tuesday when you didn't greet me when I came home something was really wrong. I keep waking up at 2am and am having a hard time falling back asleep without you here.

Lola seems to be doing ok. She's still sleeping on the shirt I last held you in. She loves you so much even after all the times you were the typical big brother. We had a mouse/laser light party for her last night. She loved it although she didn't get through all the mice like she typically does. I know she's grieving you too. She's trying really hard to make Mommy feel better. You know how sweet and caring she is. She's been sleeping in your spot on the bed at my feet. Last night we had some really crazy thunderstorms and I noticed she wasn't on the bed so I went looking for her. I know you two would have been together in times like those. I found her in the closet on my shoe rack.

Time seems to be in slow motion my little Booty Bear. My heart aches, my head is heavy, my chest feels like there's a giant weight on it. It feels like a horrible horrible dream. I've been trying to accept that this is the new reality. Yesterday was really hard. It was the first day I was home without Daddy while working and you weren't here. You were such an important/big part of my day. You kept me company even though at times you drove me crazy. I miss you sitting in front of me staring at the screen while I put my head on your back and worked. You were the best damn coworker I ever had. I miss your headbutts and your sweet nudges. I miss your taps on my leg and arm to pick you up. How can you be gone? Why couldn't your kidneys keep up with your full of life heart? Everything else was fine with you. I read your medical records. It's just so unfair. 

Daddy seems to be doing ok. I think he's holding a lot in. Monday was pretty rough for him. He found some pictures of you and him and you were giving him Bubby hugs as you did for both of us every morning. I miss those so much. It was the best way to start the day.  

I've met some really nice people on here, Bubs. They've been really sweet and compassionate and know how I've been feeling. Although no one can take the pain away, they've been there to lean on. It's been really helpful since you know Daddy isn't all about showing and talking about his feelings. 

I hope you're doing ok, sweetheart. I hope you're running around and playing all that you want and eating all that you want. Is Barnabe still in your belly? Oh Barnabe...our third kitty 😜

I miss you so much, bud. I keep looking at your pictures and just want you here so badly. You were my rock. You were so much of me. Thank you for making me the happiest Mommy for 10 years. I wish we had more time together but for some reason you were needed more elsewhere. You gave me strength when I needed it. You made me get out of bed on days I didn't want to. You gave me unconditional love always. I'm eternally grateful to you my Booty Bear, my Ty Ty. I miss you strutting down the hallway walking on the side of carpet then taping the rug because you were so nervous about it. You were such a big guy but scared of so much. You were scared of your own shadow.

I miss you following me around the house. You were like a puppy. You were the size of a small puppy. Your smell is starting to diminish and it breaks my heart. Your smell gave me so much peace. 

Mommy has to go get some work done but just wanted to let you know there's not a second that goes by that I don't think about you. There's not a second that goes by that I don't wish you were in my arms again. I can't wait to be with you again one day. I'm never going to let you go.

I love you baby 💜XOXO Mommy

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just_lost

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Reply with quote  #38 
My heart is absolutely breaking for you, Jcunnane.  Milo is such a beautiful and funny cat...he reminds me a lot of Away in your pics.  Thanks for sharing them with us.  Losing our animals takes pieces of us that we never fully recover.  Thankfully there are places like here where we can grieve and share amongst others who understand how we feel and know what we're going through.  You're not alone.
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #39 
Thank you so much, just_lost. He was the biggest goofball of a kitty. He was always so silly but yet so loving and gentle. 

I hate that we are all here because that means we have lost so deeply but I'm grateful to you all. 

I'm at a loss of words today. It's hitting me hard. Right about now, I was answering that dreadful call of having to make the worst decision ;(

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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #40 
Jcunnane..i know u loved your milo (bubby)just as much as i loved my ressie ree (reeses).its been 15 days today and i think about him every second of every day.my heart just feels soooo empty without him..i would do anything to have him here with me and healthy and happy.i do believe even though all cats are special that our orange tabbys have something about them that grabs our heart and holds onto it with all their little funny and silly things they do and the personality they have that makes them so human like..like our child..reeses loved wearing clothes..i had halloween outfits for him and christmas outfits and tshirts he wore sometimes throughout the year..he didnt wanna take them off but he was indoor/outdoor so i always took them off before he went outside..but the most unique thing about him was from the day i got him and everyday after his tongue was always out.and i mean out..all the way..it was so funny because no matter what he was doing it just hung there..everybody used to laugh about it..i used to always kiss it even though my husband thought it was gross i didnt care..like i said before i loved the way he smelled.and everyhing about him..he was so special to me that i know in my heart there will never be another reeses.i always thought about him all day while at work and as soon as i got in my car i would say "i cant wait to see my ressie ree and eat him up" and hed always be waiting for me..and we had songs i came up with for him that he loved..i used to sing them for him everyday..and i miss it..i miss him..my life and world will never be the same..i dont know what to do anymore without him..i still have been dreaming about him every night..i just dont know what to do..im still on edge and angry about the way things ended for him..and angry that as much as i loved that precious baby..it came down to me having to make that decision..and its not fair..why did i have to?i loved him too much..my heart is broken..i used to tell him all the time while he was laying on me and i was rubbing him.."youre the only cat for mama..yep reeses youre the only one for me"and hed stare into my eyes knowing every word i said..and i meant it..he was and forever will be the only one for me..i WILL NOT get another cat..i just dont want to.no matter how much i want that love and purrs and kisses.it wont be reeses.and i wont do it..everyones different and after they heal they might..but not everybody does and thats my promise to him.so yes i do understand that connection you had with your bubby.yes i know how much you felt for him and loved him and miss him..because i feeling the same right now for my sweet boy..i dont know how long my anger will last about what happened and how he had to leave me..but my love for him will never fade not even a pinch..i will post some more pictures of him soon..ive got hundreds. It just hurts too much to look at them right now..
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #41 

Jennifer wrote:

"But the most unique thing about him was from the day i got him and everyday after his tongue was always out.and i mean out..all the way..it was so funny because no matter what he was doing it just hung there..everybody used to laugh about it."

Hi Jennifer, You know what is really, really odd? now that I think about it and reflect, how when I was writing a comment to you the other day, I mentioned Marmalade's tongue hanging out story out of the blue to you, in order to try and cheer you up. And I HAD NEVER heard of Reeses tongue story from you (you hadn't shared it yet), nor had you posted a photo of Reeses with his tongue hanging out. And what makes it even odder is, I almost DIDN'T post that story to you, as your previous post I was replying to, was very sad and emotional, and I didn't think it was appropriate for me to mention a funny story to you at that time. I was a minute away from deleting it. 

And what makes it even stranger still? Marmalade only DID THAT ONCE in the 4.2 years that I knew him.

I have read about Cats who have passed away, whispering into the ears of a Cat which is alive still, instructing the living Cat to do something to amuse the Cat's which has past away human family members. I am seriously wondering if either Reeses whispered in my ear to write you that story and try and cheer you up (you were so blue that day), or Reeses whispered in Marmalade's ear, to whisper into my ear, to send you that story. It is beyond coincidental. It was as if something prodded me to post that to you. Seriously!

James


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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #42 
Memories of marmalade..yes i know that day u mentioned it..i was like..my god how could i forget to mention one of the biggest characterics of reeses so right away had to tell you about it..and thats how ill always remember him and think if him because it was rare occasion if it wasnt out
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #43 
Hi Jennifer,

I can’t wait to see pictures of your Reeses. He sounds like such a silly one and I can’t believe he liked wearing clothes. What a hoot. I don’t think Bubby would let me get close to putting clothes in him if I tried. We only slightly put a fedora over his head for a quick photo. He was quite handsome in that fedora.

My Lola experienced the tongue hanging out but not like your Reeses. I think she did it once when we were trying her out in Benadryl to help with her anxiety a bit. Needless to say, the Benadryl didn’t last very long.

I was so distraught today I called a pet caregiver grieving hotline. It’s been one week and it still doesn’t seem real. I could barely get the words out to the poor social worker that I lost my kitty, his name and my name. I was such a mess. She did agree with us though that orange kitties are very special and unique. She said there’s just something about them and there’s nothing like them. They’re such goof balls but have the most loving and trusting personalities. It’s almost like they put it all out there. My Lola is a tortie and she’s a bit reserved. She doesnt put it all out there like Bubby did.

I completely understand what you mean about getting another kitty. These special kitties have left such high standards and realistically no kitty will ever replace them. Not sure if a kitty will come close.

I hope you’re doing better and the pain has lessened a bit.

Hugs,
Jackie

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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #44 

Jennifer wrote:

"And we had songs i came up with for him that he loved..i used to sing them for him everyday..and i miss it"

As you may recall Marmalade was deaf. So he couldn't hear me singing to him. But when he was sitting or laying on my lap, he could feel me singing & humming. I used to sing Christmas Carols to him and songs from Musical's. He would look back at me with these loving, comforted looks. : ) At least I hope he enjoyed them. ; )
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #45 
Dear James,

You write so beautifully about your Marmalade and to everyone else here. I wish my brain and thoughts weren’t so disjointed right now. I feel like I’m in this endless fog that just won’t go away.

Your bond with Marmalade is beautiful and undeniable. I’m sure he loved when you sang to him. Maybe he thought you were purring to him with the vibrations from your humming.

I miss my Bubby so much as I know you miss your Marmalade. These orange kitties do wonders to our hearts.

I haven’t even told the story why Milo got the name Bubby. When he was a kitten (I brought him and his sister Lola home at 8 weeks old) he loved to watch the bubbles in my cup of soda. He would sit there in a trance just staring. After some time he started swaying because he was still in this trance. We would laugh all the time and have to pick him up to make him stop staring. He was so silly and from then on we started calling him Bubby, short for bubbles. I always felt like if I called him Milo, it was like my dad yelling at me calling me by my given name.

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