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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Jcunnane

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Dear Bubs,

It’s a beautiful day here. Running around like crazy. But still beautiful. I have the windows open today. You would love it. It feels like fall. I can’t wait for fall. The humidity here is just too much.

I hope you’re having a beautiful day at the RB. I hope there’s tons of sunshine and you’re soaking it all in. I hope there’s yummy food and you’re everything everything you want. I hope there’s tons of toys and you’re playing your little heart out. You loved to play. You loved to fly through the air. You loved to run around in circles. What I would do to have you be able to be here.

I miss you so much booty bear. There’s not enough times or the right words to describe how much I love you and how much you mean to me. Your love was just pure unconditional. You loved being loved and you loved giving love. You were and always will be my little man always and forever. I love you soo soo much.

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Dear Bubs,

Happy Sunday my baby boy! I miss you terribly. Mommy is still on autopilot. Nana came over but had to run home to feed Toby and Molly and heading back to have dinner with us.

I’m so tired I wish I could just have a Bubby nap. I know I keep talking to you about them but they were the best. I always felt so refreshed afterwards. You know Mommy is in a deep sleep when she drools lol!

Lola has been acting a little off. Not sure what her deal is but I’m keep a close eye on her. Could be Avery exploring. She came out for some catnip today. She’s hilarious with it. Rubs all over the container and pulls tons out with her paw. I wish I knew how to calm her anxiety. I think she misses you a lot. You were her protector.

I just wanted to say hi and that I love and miss you tons. I hope you’re having a wonderful day. I wish I could hug and kiss you all over. I’m ready for another sign when you are.

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Dear Ty Ty,

Another Monday...yeah I got a case of the Mondays..womp womp. I just posted a tribute to you on the Monday Candlelight Ceremony. I hope you enjoy it. Your flame was so bright. I was talking to Nana yesterday about how you went downhill so fast after that pill of medicine. I said I wonder if it poisoned you of sorts. She said I could call the pharma company but I said what would that do now? It would just make me feel worse if it was something that could have been reversed and you could still be here. I can't bring you back. I just miss you so much. It's been really hard without you. You left this massive void within me. I never an "animal" could make me feel this empty. You were and are just that remarkable. 

I've been having trouble concentrating today. I'm just so scattered brain. I need a list. You know how I like lists the old fashioned way...paper and pen. 

Lola is doing OK. I think she misses her cuddle buddy whenever you weren't being a brat to her. I wish I could give her more attention. I wish she would come around Avery. I totally get it though. I would be skeptical of Avery too. She's a little wild woman. She has a walker now so she's scooting around her. It's really funny for me to watch her explore. You can see the gears going. Soon she'll be walking. 

I'm trying to get this house in order. Simplify things to make my life easier. Make everything functional so I don't have to think about it. One step at a time bud, right? You would have been here to center me though. You always did a great job of bringing me back. Grounding me. Showing me what's really important and to take a little time out and just enjoy life. 

I hope it's a beautiful day at the RB. It's sunny here. Storms are coming. Reminds me to take down the umbrella. Thanks, Booty Bear. Even if you're not physically here, you're still reminding me 😉 

It's hard to believe it will be 9 weeks without you. I still feel like I got knocked off the tracks. Does it ever get easier? I need to regroup. I took some time away from the computer...well at least tried...I had to order Av's 12-18 months clothes. That's a task. 

I miss you so much. I just wish I could hold you but I know it wouldn't be long enough. I wish animals lived as long as humans did. I wish you were my companion for life. I hate it. I hate that you're not here. I hate that I'm not enjoying every day to the max but right now I know I can't in my heart. My heart is still being repaired from not having you hear. I love you so much my Ty Ty. I hope you know that. I hope you hear the words I write to you daily. I hope you feel my love for you still. I hope you know I think about you all the time. I wish things were different. I wish you were here. 

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #350 
Dear Bubby,

Where has this day gone? I keep saying this but seriously I feel like it’s just flying by. Not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. I had another tearless drive into work today. Another victory of sorts. I still think a lot in the car but maybe it’s getting a bit easier at times.

I ran some errands while at work. I really struggle a lot. I pass Cabot Blvd. the road that CARES is on. The last place I saw “you.” The last place I held you. The lump in my throat always comes back as I pass that road. I hate it but I know they’re wonderful there. They took such great care of you even when you were feisty.

Now I’m home again (phew), Av’s in bed (she didn’t take her second nap today...lookout world) and I’m trying to play catch up with work that didn’t get done today. Lola is on the window seat that you used to sit on. She only comes in when Av is sleeping. Unlike you, she’s pretty intimated by her.

I miss you tons my baby boy. My sweet baby boy. You were so gentle but so much fun. I loved the little rev noises you made. You were just the happiest little man ever. I hope you had a wonderful day today. I wish I could hug you and kiss you all over. You will always be my rock....my love.

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Dear Bubs,

I hope you're having a great day today! I miss you terribly. Mommy is working from home today...woo hoo! I get so much more done. I feel accomplished...well somewhat. There's not much new news here. Same old stuff I've been talking to you about. We had some storms (you hated them so much) but they weren't nearly as bad as I thought they were going to be. 

Days seem eh. I miss you just so much. I have your picture right below my computer monitor and I always see your paw. I loved your paws so much. They were so big but yet you were so gentle with them. I let you touch my face. I let you touch my eyes. I knew you were just going to be so gentle. I had so much trust with you. I miss that. I miss my baby boy full of love. You even let me trim your nails. You were just so easy going. The picture I have of you below my desk, you're just staring at me with the look of unconditional love. So proud. So loving. So happy and content. I really do wonder if you knew your time was going to be short. I wonder if you knew you needed to live every day to its fullest because you knew your time was limited. I always wondered what was going on in your mind. What were you thinking. I wish I knew. 

Today I made Av a steak in the crockpot and then shredded it for her. We'll see how it goes. You and Lola were never a fan of real chicken. I just tried giving Lola some chicken...nope. Wasn't having it. Just looked at it like uhhh what am I supposed to do with this? You were always in the kitchen with me though. Always wanted to be with me. Right now Av is napping and you would be with me on the window seat or in my arms. I miss those moments. I miss how you would make me stop and relax. You knew when I needed a moment. You just always knew. 

The little deer family was here today! Was that you saying hello? If so, hi my baby boy! I said hello to you when I saw them. It was a buck, a doe and the baby that still had spots on it. Right outside the office window. So adorable. You loved watching them. 

Your rose should be coming tomorrow. I'm very excited for that. I can't wait to plant it. 

I hope you're doing ok, bud. I think about you so so much. I love you so so much. Everyday I wish you were still here. Every minute I wish you were still here. You're always in my heart and on my mind. 

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Dear Ty Ty,

Today is 9 weeks. 9 weeks without you. It doesn't seem real still. I miss you more and more every day. It seems like so long ago I held you and kissed you but the images feel like yesterday. They're still so vivid in my memory. I just want to remember the good times we had but yet all I can picture is leaving your lifeless body on the examination table on a crate pad and having to walk away from you for the last time. I'm so glad you didn't feel a single thing when we said "see you for now" since you had your IV's in. I still wish there was something I could do to have saved you. You were the sweetest, most gentle, funniest little dude ever. Each day that goes by I'm more thankful for the time we had and for how much you were such a warrior through it all. You fought so so hard. You made it through 2 hospital stays and surgery. You were so tough. So much heart and soul. 

I wish this note was more uplifting but Thursdays are so hard. They hurt so bad. My throat just closes and I wish for them to be over sooner rather than later. The tears are coming down my cheeks as I'm writing this. I just miss and love you so much, bud. I miss you being in my arms right now. I try to be happy but you just took so much of me with you. I feel fake. I feel like I try so hard but it's just so fake. I feel like everyone can see the fake mask written all over my face. Each day is another day. I hope one day I can enjoy the days again. 

Your rose was just delivered! At least that's a positive for today. I can't wait to put it in the planter. Cross your paws and jelly bean toes that I don't kill it. I love you, my Booty Bear.

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #353 
Hi Baby Boy,

I hope you're having a terrific day at the RB. Mommy just got home from work and picking up Av. It's been an interesting day. Another day of not getting stuff done. It is what it is. We just made it through another work week. 

Mommy got soil and rock for your rose! I can't wait to plant it this weekend. I hope it's as bright as you are. My orange light. So bright! I miss you terribly. Every day I just keep missing you more. I also got a climbing rose and the trellis came today. So I got to put that up as well. 

I had my blood test this morning. So glad that's over. I didn't sleep well last night. Not sure if I was anxious or what about getting to the lab before work. But that's done too. Check...check...check!

I can't wait to be reunited with you again my sweet ty guy. I know it will be awhile as I'm needed here but I look forward to the day. The day when I get to hold you again and never let you go. I miss your smell. I miss your headbutts. I miss you. I hope you know how much you mean to me and I feel like everyday you mean even more to me. 

I'm sorry this letter was short but I have to go do some chores while Av is napping. Camp Nana wears her out!

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #354 
Dear Bubs,

Another caturday without you! I miss you my sweet sweet tiger.

Mommy was pretty productive this morning. I planted your remember me rose! I attached a picture. Along with that I planted a pretty climbing rose and trellis, weeded, sterilized Av’s bottles, figured out some new food for Av, laundry. Pretty good.

I hope you’re having a good day at the RB. It’s muggy here. Typical August. I could really use a nap. Av’s still going though. I’ll nap when she does.

I miss your sweet Bubby naps. Always the best and most refreshing. I miss your Bubby hugs. Av’s picking up toys like a cat lol! With her mouth. No idea but kind of funny to watch. She just head butted me as I’m writing this. I bought her a bunny pillow which I’m laying on and she just slammed her head into my nose!! Ouch! She didn’t skip a beat. My nose is though. Hard head! It reminds me of the time I was kissing you and my tooth broke lol! Totally worth it.

Lola’s doing good. I still get worried about her. Just so scary now knowing the inevitable. Sucks! We have our nights when Av goes to bed. She sleeps right next to me too. She likes to take up the bed lol!

I’m going to see if Av will go down for a nap! I love you so much my booty bear!

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

Attached Images
jpeg 5ADA90A5-3A8F-4C6F-ABD8-31B458DEF8A8.jpeg (618.25 KB, 7 views)


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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #355 
Dear Bubby,

Happy Sunday my little man. I hope you had a good weekend at the RB! I can only imagine was a beautiful and magical place the RB is. I hope the weather is perfect, the colors are bright, the food is yummy, there’s tons of toys, and the sun is shining always. I do know that our hugs aren’t there so I hope as the poem goes, that when my time comes, you sense it and welcome me with your hugs and kisses. I miss your love so much bud. Your presence was HUGE. It still doesn’t feel right coming into 10 weeks. It never will. I wish I could hold you right now but then you would be covered in tears.

It’s starting to thunder here as I’m writing this. You hated storms so much. It’s a weird storm. The skies are bright but odd looking. There’s thunder. Very strange.

Tomorrow is Monday already. Not ready for it. The work weeks are so stressful. Luckily I have your pictures to look at around the office and they make me feel better.

Off to make dinner my love. I love you so much my dude. I hope you feel it.

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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Ronnie

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Reply with quote  #356 
It's exactly 6 weeks today that my baby boy and companion Talyn left the world. I'm still in disbelief. I had little time to say goodbye, or hug him...I look around and still can't believe he's physical not here. I understand exactly where you are coming from.
I try to do things to stay busy, but he was such an important part of my personal life and my personality in ways. I still play out that day/night over and over again especially when I sleep. 
I have a soft spot for tabbies since I found my precious boy as a kitten on the street. 
I just have to post his memorial again. I hope you don't mind. I know you miss your feline companion as much as I do.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TALYN001/Resident.htm

I think maybe in a few years when I know he wouldn't be in the world naturally, it might be so bad. I don't know if I'll find another who clicked with me so perfectly, and was just right mentally, physically, emotionally. He was like my feline soulmate! Anyway, my condolences again.

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #357 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ronnie
It's exactly 6 weeks today that my baby boy and companion Talyn left the world. I'm still in disbelief. I had little time to say goodbye, or hug him...I look around and still can't believe he's physical not here. I understand exactly where you are coming from.
I try to do things to stay busy, but he was such an important part of my personal life and my personality in ways. I still play out that day/night over and over again especially when I sleep. 
I have a soft spot for tabbies since I found my precious boy as a kitten on the street. 
I just have to post his memorial again. I hope you don't mind. I know you miss your feline companion as much as I do.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TALYN001/Resident.htm

I think maybe in a few years when I know he wouldn't be in the world naturally, it might be so bad. I don't know if I'll find another who clicked with me so perfectly, and was just right mentally, physically, emotionally. He was like my feline soulmate! Anyway, my condolences again.


Dear Ronnie,

Please feel free to post here whenever you feel the need. I don't mind at all. I totally agree that I had little time as well with Bubby before we said "see you for now." I wanted to stay there with him forever but I didn't want him in pain. So after about an 45 mins of us holding him, he was gone. I have tears streaming down my face as I'm writing this. I stayed with him for another hour and half hours after he passed. I just couldn't leave him. It's coming up to 10 weeks and the pain hasn't gotten easier. Like you, I keep myself busy but whenever I think about him the pain just comes back in full force. He was so much more than a cat. Like you said he was my feline soulmate...my rock...my warrior...my hero...my son. He was such a special little guy. I never met a kitty like that. 

I know down the road there will be others, we still have his littermate Lola, but for now I think she's ok by herself. People have asked when will I get another and what about Lola but a lot of her "issues" are going away. As much as I love Bubby, he definitely was a bully of senses with Lola. I think he just wanted to play but he was about 6-7 pounds heavier then her so it wasn't really playing. 

I know the pain will get better for us but I get it. I totally do. 

Sending you hugs,
Jackie

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #358 
Dear Bubby,

Another Monday, another work day without you. I just had some tears. It doesn't seem to get easier. I just try to keep myself busy but the pain is still there. You were such a big light in my life. I miss your swagger. I miss you pawing up at me to be picked up. I miss our nose kisses. I miss nuzzling my face into your cheek. I miss your smell. Does this get easier? Will my heart ever heal?

I wish I could hold you again. I wish I could see you walking down the hallway strutting your stuff. You were so so proud. You were my tiger yet also my lion. My liger. After I'm done writing to you, I'm going to put a tribute on the Monday candlelight ceremony. I hope you enjoy it. 

Last night in bed, I was remember how you used to jump on the headboard and worry the heck out of me. You weren't the most graceful kitty or on point but your love made up for it. I remember when you used to sleep on my pillow and lick my hair. You were so sweet. 

I hope your week is off to a good one. Not sure if you keep track of days 😉but I know you keep track of food time. I hope the food is yummy at the RB. I hope you're getting great naps. I hope the sun is always shining down. I love you my Ty Ty. My heart...my soul 🧡

I miss you my little man...

XOXO, Love Mommy 💜

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just_lost

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Reply with quote  #359 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jcunnane
ordered groceries from Peapod (trying this out)


I've been using Amazon lately - prices are comparable to Walmart.  One issue, though, is that it can be tough to buy just one of what you want on Amazon (most of what I've seen is bulk stuff).  I fired Walmart because they have incompetent inventory people.  Six common items on my list...and they had zero.  Can't get cold stuff from Amazon (yet), so I go somewhere else for that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jcunnane

The memory of leaving you in June 13th and walking away from your lifeless body haunt me. You looked so peaceful laying there on your side like you normally did as if you were sleeping. I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to stay with you forever. I wanted to hold you forever. I wanted to kiss you forever. I wanted to rub your little forehead on your M and give you nose rubs with my nose forever. I just wanted forever with you. It just hurts so much. It’s so overwhelming. I wish I could somehow have you back.


That was definitely rough for us with Damn Cat.  Again, I'd have given anything to have been anybody else anywhere else on that day :(

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Originally Posted by Jcunnane
I hope you had a good day. You would be laying on the bed waiting for me right about now. I would have to sometimes sleep coverless because you were in my covers and I didn’t want to move or bother you.


You damn cat.  That happened to me a couple nights ago...Brutus was at my feet and I had to get up for something.  I get back to find Brutus and Hailey together (which I've never seen before!) on the blanket.  I didn't want to disturb them, so I slept in the other room.  You damn cats.

I hope things start getting better for you, Jackie :(
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just_lost

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Reply with quote  #360 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jcunnane
He was so much more than a cat.


I've always thought of our cats as little people, and I don't understand folks who refer to their animals as 'it', 'the dog/cat', or "just an animal".  They have genders, names, and they're not "just an animal" that can be replaced.  They're irreplaceable.  Folks like that...I dunno, man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jcunnane
As much as I love Bubby, he definitely was a bully of senses with Lola. I think he just wanted to play but he was about 6-7 pounds heavier then her so it wasn't really playing.


Hailey...Brutus.  You damn cats.  Hailey likes to hide and ambush unsuspecting passers-by, just to be a butthead.  Brutus used to play with Midget, but lately he'll jump her and lay on her.  16.2 pounds, and Midget is barely over 10.  You lug.
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