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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #1 
We had to make the hardest decision to send our baby boy Milo “Bubby” across the Rainbow Bridge on June 13th and I don’t even know how to pick up the pieces to stop crying. He was so much more then a kitty to me. He was my protector, my son, my love, my anti-anxiety, my coworker. He made me laugh all the time with his goofball attitude, always greeted me at the door. He was my alarm clock.

He declined very fast and I wish I saw the signs more but I didn’t and have major guilt over it. I intitally thought he was having teeth issues and being picky about his food. His little kidneys were in the last stage of chronic kidney disease.

Bubby was always our little medical issue dude. He was so special. He came back from a near death experience in 2014 after a double blood transfusion. We found out somehow he had a parasite. In 2017, he had a bladder/kidney stone issue and required bladder stone surgery. I thought this time he might have had one last fight but he didn’t.

In 2014, during his first stay at the hospital we found out his kidneys were not great. One was pretty bad. We knew we were going to have a shortened time with him but I didn’t think this short. He would have been 10 in July. We were planning a decade party for him and his sister (Lola his littermate).

We knew it was time. He lost the Bubby look in his eyes. It’s like his soul was already gone. He just looked blank. We both held him and when it was time my husband held him. He was his best friend. My husband said Bubby nuzzled his head into his neck when he passed. I find comfort knowing that Bubby went to heaven in his safe spot. I just wish he didn’t have to go to heaven at all. I had a very hard time leaving him. My husband had to tell me to leave. I would have stayed there for hours kissing his little body and hugging him. He means the world to me.

I can’t believe he’s gone. He was the most lovable guy who was a rag doll. He loved to be cuddled and was always with us. He was always right behind me or in our arms. He would come running over every morning for his Pepcid. He would reach up our legs for us to pick him up like a baby. He couldn’t get enough of us and we couldn’t get enough of him. And now he’s gone and the house just feels so empty without his ginger swagger walking around. He was my coworker 3 days a week. He would lay in my arms while I was working. He was protector. We have an 8 month old baby girl and the last trimester I couldn’t sleep in the bed so I slept on the couch. He slept with me every night.

We’re trying to give his sister so much attention now as I know she knows he’s gone. She was with him til the end watching over him. Before we left for the vet on Wednesday I made sure they saw each other and they licked each other’s faces. I guess I knew in my heart this was it.

Now I’m trying to figure out how to go on. I feel like he took my heart and soul with him. Everything just reminds me of him. I just feel so empty. I don’t know how else to describe it. My head feels heavy and I feel like I’m functioning as a machine to get by. Everything just aches and hurts.

RIP little man 💜 Wait for mommy and I’ll love and squeeze and kiss you so much and never let you go. You have my heart.

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Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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redgirlraven

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Reply with quote  #2 
I am so sorry.  writing with tears in my eyes.  I have to put my boy down whois only 10 as well and I have no idea how I will find the strength to do it.  
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redgirlraven

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Reply with quote  #3 
But it is clear that you loved him and that he knew you loved him.  What a lucky boy to have a loving mother and littermate.  Again, I am so sorry


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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #4 
I am so sorry that Bubby is now at the Rainbow Bridge and you had to make the decision to send him there.  His story reminds me a lot  of my experiences with our cat Lenny.  Lenny also had multiple illnesses and we thought we were going to lose him at other times when he pulled through.  The last time though I knew when we went to the vet that we would probably come home with an empty carrier.  You showed your deep love for Bubby by letting him go to relieve his suffering.

Now you are experiencing the grief which follows-- the empty house, the heavy heart, the reminders all over the house, the difficulty in functioning enough to just get by.  There is no way that anyone in this forum can take the grief and pain away. But you are with people here who understand what you are going through and are available to support you as you go through the grieving process.

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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #5 

Dear Jcunnane,

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Bubby. He sure was a handsome lad. Thank you for sharing his, your and your husbands story and the photo images with us here. Orange cats are so loving I have found.

I too had to put my boy (an orange & white Tabby cat) named "Marmalade" down, a little over 4 weeks ago and am still completely devastated. He was my World. Like Bubby, Marmalade was my constant companion and coworker. And helped me through anxiety also. He was my son, my brother, my only remaining family, my only real friend, my best friend, my comrade in arms and my only company.

My lad couldn't eat or drink in the end. Had a long-term gagging and choking reflex when trying to eat that was never properly diagnosed. He was becoming a shadow of his former self. A once proud and noble (but silly) Alpha-Male Tom Cat. When I made that final decision, on his last day, I could see that he was just trying to mitigate his pain and was resigned to being ill, that starvation and dehydration were just something he was just going to have to endure again, after we had beat it for the most part for the 4.2 years since I began taking care of him. We had worked hard together to get him healthier and put weight on him, which we accomplished.

With his declining health, he was most likely going to be hungry and thirsty again for an unknown period of time again, as he had for so many times, for years even, prior to my adopting him in the high desert of New Mexico. I could not allow him to go through that again. He was tired of going to the Vets. Of being examined, tested, poked, prodded, injected, forced medication, operated on (an ear canal surgery and dental extractions < we thought it was his teeth too) etc. He didn't want any more medicine or treatment.

There had been complications from the ear canal surgery that he required after a Tom-Cat fight. His left eye was in a permanent squint, his left set of whiskers were dead and lay almost against his face and he had lost his balance (although it seemed to be getting better). He had either nerve damage or a stroke on the operating table. A tooth felt out of his mouth when trying to eat and he had 4 other teeth extracted. He growled when he tried to eat. He made this strange (new) gasping sound. He shrieked when I opened a can of cat food in terror and did shrieked again in horror when I approached him with a piece of turkey meat smaller than a pinky nail. He was still "him" in the end. I couldn't allow him to lose more of what he had fought so valiantly for.

After he died, I searched the Web about orange cats and learned that some are called "Marmalade cats" in the UK. I had no idea. And I learned that Sir Winston Churchill had an orange (Marmalade cat) that he adored. And that in his Trust / Will he asked that an orange cat always be present (rescues) to live out it's life on the grounds of his estate. You might find this story linked below interesting. Like us - Sir Winston had good taste in cats too! 



https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/winston-churchills-home-gets-new-rescue-cat-called-jock-vi-9182404.html
 
 RIP Milo "Bubby" & Marmalade.

 

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Wildrocksilver

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Reply with quote  #6 
My heart aches for you...I am suffering as well, wondering how I will survive without my kitty love, my soulmate, my Shane. I woke up on the 13th knowing there was something wrong because he never came to sleep on my head like he did every other night. I jumped up and ran to look for him, and found him dead in our living room. I don't even know what happened. I thought I would die right then and there. I called my husband and he drove the hour and a half back home from his work to say goodbye before we took him to the vet so they could cremate him. He had died some time during the night, alone, and that breaks my heart.

I love my husband, I love my family, friends, and other pets (to include a puppy, and Shane's brother and sister, which we also have), but Shane was my heart. He was my comfort through the endlesss turmoil of my last 10 years, and he saved me from being lost in depression almost 11 years ago when my daughter ran away from home to be with someone who was a drug dealer and preying on high schoolers. Despite having the other pets, he and I had a connection, and everyone who saw him look at me could see the unconditional love emanating from his eyes. I counted on him for comfort and depended on him...even more than I could count on my husband, as we dealt with many personal issues. I honestly don't know how I am going to face each day without my kitty love. I am lost, heartbroken, and beyond devastated. Everything seems so lonely and empty without him...I'm terrified of having to be alone in the house, without my Shane to brighten my day. He followed me everywhere, slept on me, purred when I would simply walk into a room he was in, and never left my bedside when I was sick. I loved him as much as I do my daughter and grandson, and I don't know how to face the day to day emptiness that his death has me feeling.

My husband has been here for me, and is suffering, also. I met my husband 5 months after I had adopted Shane and his brother and sister as kittens. My husband's first meeting and memory of Shane was on his first visit to my house, and Shane was sitting underneath my coffee table trying to reach around from beneath the table to steal his car keys. We kept hearing the brand new car start outside and thought somebody was trying to steal the car. We finally saw the little black and white paw reaching up hitting the remote start. My husband loved Shane from that moment on, even if Shane was possessive of me and always tried to lay between me and my husband and to push my hubby away from me.

How do y'all do it? How do you stop from crying all day? How are we supposed to "get over it and move on"? Most people just see pets as animals, but I think some of us realize they are our little angels, companions to us, if we let them...and if they let us in. I don't want to keep feeling like this, but I don't ever want to lose those memories of him either.

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Jenniferhiggs1221

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Reply with quote  #7 
So very sorry for you loss..i also had to make the hardest decision of my life june 5 to put my baby reeses also a ginger tabby to sleep.i have been in agony ever since.my heart hurts so much for my baby and no matter what i do i dont feel any better.he was my best friend and he was like my child..i feel so lost without him that i dont know what to do with myself anymore..and i am sure you feel the same..again i am very sorry and also mourning my baby..who favors your baby right much too.please feel free to talk anytime..it helps..ive been on here since and it helps me going through what so many are also going through right now
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Wildrocksilver

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Reply with quote  #8 
As I read through these posts, hearing your pain mirror mine, I am grateful that there are people out there who understand. I feel for every single one of you, and I am so sorry that you have all lost "someone" special to you, whether it be cat or a dog companion. You're not crazy hurting as much as you do. Y'all have big hearts to have shared so much love with a fur baby. Many hugs to you all.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #9 

Dear Wild Rock Siver,

I am sorry too for your loss of Shane. What a looker he was!

"My heart aches for you...I am suffering as well, wondering how I will survive without my kitty love, my soulmate, my Shane."

This is how all of us feel that our posting here. That was have lost our soulmates.

"I woke up on the 13th knowing there was something wrong because he never came to sleep on my head like he did every other night. I jumped up and ran to look for him, and found him dead in our living room. I don't even know what happened. He had died some time during the night, alone, and that breaks my heart."

What is comforting was Shane WAS at home. And you were not forced to put him down. He passed away in the home that he loved and felt safe in. I am relieved for you that you did not have to chose death for him. As you can read on this message board it is beyond devastating to take on that responsibility. Shane spared you from have to make that decision.

"Shane was my heart. He was my comfort through the endless turmoil of my last 10 years, and he saved me from being lost in depression almost 11 years ago"

Remarkably we relate to this too. My cat stole my heart and helped me survive through some of the darkest, most difficult and seemingly insurmountable times of my life. I owed him my life 10 x over. How miraculous is it that these little, enchanting creatures can have such an positive, even life saving impact on us?

"Despite having the other pets, he and I had a connection, and everyone who saw him look at me could see the unconditional love emanating from his eyes. I counted on him for comfort and depended on him."

Same here. My cat Marmalade had a connection with me that boarded on being surreal it was so deep. He was my son, my brother, my best & only friend, my comrade in arms, my only family, my only company. No animal or human being with ever have that connection with me again. And I am fine with that. He and I had a special "Mutual Admiration Society" that was pure, loyal and true. That no other will ever understand. A mystical bond.

"I honestly don't know how I am going to face each day without my kitty love. I am lost, heartbroken, and beyond devastated. Everything seems so lonely and empty without him...I'm terrified of having to be alone in the house, without my Shane to brighten my day. He followed me everywhere, slept on me, purred when I would simply walk into a room he was in, and never left my bedside when I was sick."

I concur. As do many posting here. We are all lost, heartbroken and beyond devastated. Marmalade stayed with me after I was abandoned by those I loved. He held vigil over me and I over him. I have chronic migraine headaches. And during a 14 day bout this past December, when I was so sick I could not even lay down, he was there the entire time, watching over me. I would get up, feed him, change his litter, and then go back to being in a crouching position with ice on my head and neck. Vomiting and screaming in agony. And Marmalade would carefully, slowly and gently approach me, come as close as he felt was appropriate, and purr to let me know he was close and that I would be okay. And then he would walk back slowly and quietly to his perch. And continue his vigil.

In the Spring of 2018, he almost died to a reaction to ear mite antibiotics. He was vomiting blood and had bloody diarrhea. He was immobile, could not be touched, was hyperventilating. I stood vigil over him. Sitting near by in case he needed me for 10 days and nights. He had his paw stuck out in the air while laying in a fixed position. He could barely open his eyes. I reached my finger out and he embraced it and squeezed it ever so gently with his claws. As if to say "I'm okay. I will make it through this."

"We kept hearing the brand new car start outside and thought somebody was trying to steal the car. We finally saw the little black and white paw reaching up hitting the remote start. My husband loved Shane from that moment on."

Such a sneaky Lad. Lol. What a character!

"How do y'all do it? How do you stop from crying all day? How are we supposed to "get over it and move on"? Most people just see pets as animals, but I think some of us realize they are our little angels, companions to us, if we let them...and if they let us in. I don't want to keep feeling like this, but I don't ever want to lose those memories of him either."

All we can do is continue to travel through time and try and heal. Hour by hour. Day by day. Minute by minute. And hope that all that remains, are those good memories you mentioned. So and that we never lose them. XO
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #10 
Dear redgirlraven,

Thank you so much for the kind words. I don’t think I’m even capable of describing how much Bubby meant to me and how much I miss him. Today was the first day I went somewhere and came home and he wasn’t greeting me at the door like he did. He didn’t run into the kitchen for food this morning and reach up to the counter to try and get his plate of food.

I’m so sorry you are having to say goodbye to your boy. It was the most difficult, painful decision to make but I knew I couldn’t put him through anymore given the grime prognosis. He meant to much to me that I needed him not to hurt anymore.

Hug him tight and tell him you’ll see him again and to wait for you. He will!

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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #11 

Dear Redgirlraven,

I am also sorry that you are faced with having to put down your boy too. My heart breaks for everyone here who is faced with having to make that decision. I prayed to God for the strength to remain calm & collected during my Marmalade being put to sleep. I did not want to be in distress and cry in front of Marmalade to make him worry more. And God answered my prayers.

That final evening at the animal hospital, Marmalade and I looked at each other for 50 straight minutes in that little examination room, as I reminisced about our 4.2 years of adventures together. All the hardships we had, all the grateful blessings we were granted, all the laughs we had, all the cherished moments of privacy, warmth and love, all those great times together. Truly some of the happiest moments of my life. : )

I hope that if and when the time comes, it is peaceful and calm and loving. As so many of us here have experienced in those final moments with our beloved's.
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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #12 
Dear pannklaus,

Thank you for your sweet words. I’m so sorry you had to have experienced like we did with Lenny and that he is no longer with you. The pain is almost unbearable. There was something very special about Bubby and I’m not sure if it’s all the unconditional love he gave because he knew his time was short but I never met a kitty like him before. He was the most innocent big kitty (almost 15 pounds) who would never bring out his claws. We trusted him so much that he could pet our faces without flinching. He was just that gentle. His sister, Lola, is the sweetest love bug and her and I have an amazing connection (she picked me to be her mama) but there was a connect with Bubby that was just another level. Lola and Bubby were bottlefed kittens and we call them human kitties as they love being around us, Bubby especially. He just couldn’t get enough. I miss his presence like no other. I hope the pain and tears susbside as I know he wouldn’t want that. He always loves being happy and playing hide and seek with us. He stole my heart 💔

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #13 
Dear Memories_of_Marmalade

Thank you so much. I agree, orange kitties are amazing. They may be a little feisty sometimes to strangers but to their loved ones they’re the most amazing friends.

I’m so sorry about Marmalade. He sounds like a sweet little man who brought you the same comfort and joy and happiness as my Bubby brought me. They leave such an emptiness in our hearts when they’re gone. I only hope that the pain for anyone who as lost a beloved friend finds peace including myself. I get so upset thinking that Bubby might have been angry with me at the end. I just love him so much. I don’t think that amount of love will ever go away. As you said I truly believe Bubby was my soulmate. He knew I would do whatever was needed to take care of him.

Marmalade sounds like a true warrior and I’m sure your hero. He was such a trooper for everything he went through and still had so much love to give. These kitties are so resilient.

I hope you’re doing better. I know deep down our kitties wouldn’t want us to keep being sad. They just don’t know how much they truly mean to us 😻

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #14 
Dear Jenniferhiggs1221,

I’m so deeply sorry to hear about your baby, Reeses. I can completely understand what you are saying word for word. I’ve never felt this much of a loss before even when it’s people. This is just an unbearable pain that I hope will ease. I don’t think it will ever truly go away. Bubby was my best friend and child as well. Him and Lola are my first pets I’ve had myself. It’s absolutely devestating.

I know these amazing little loves are watching over us. I hope they know how much they mean to us.

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Jcunnane

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Reply with quote  #15 
Dear wildrocksilver,

Thank you for your kind words. If I could have given Bubby my kidney, I would have had the emergency vet hospital cut me open right there. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for him.

Just today, there has been so much love and support on this post and it has truly helped me. As much as I cry reading these messages, it also helps. I just hope the crying will eventually calm down.

I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you are taking care of yourself. I feel everyone’s pain and know as I am experiencing taking care of myself right now has not been a priority.

Shane is such a cutie and what a funny character to start your husbands car. I love their little personalities. I couldn’t imagine what you have gone through. I know having to make the decision is the toughest, most selfless thing to do, I couldn’t imagine walking out of my bedroom to what happened to you. Many hugs and thoughts to you.

Our loves will once be reunited with us again. I can’t wait to see my Bubby again.

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Bubby's (Milo) Mommy - Always & Forever My Little Man 💜

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